ANTM 7-11 & 7-12

Once again I’ve got a little behind in my America’s Next Top Model watching, it may be because I’ve been busy having a life! Christmas silly season has been well and truly good to me but not to my liver.

Episode 7-11

Caridee made out with one of the Spanish male models from the previous episodes, after dinner when they came around for dinner one night. The next day Tyra asked what they thought was the toughest criticism during judging. The girls all made stuff up, but Melrose, of course, kissed arse.

The challenge this week was the go-see. This is a casting test were the girls have to rush round and see as many of the 10 designers expecting them in the allowed time (in this case 4 hours). They are marked on, 1.Appearance, 2. Runway Walk, 3. Personality and 4. Portfolio. Once again Melrose won the challenge with 5 go-sees and being back on time. The twins were late and were disqualified. She picked Caridee as her companion to share her prize of a personal chef for the evening.

The Only active bullring in Barcelona was the location of the photo shoot with Nigel Barker (judge and fashion photographer) in charge. During the preparations while Nigel was waving a rod at the bull, Caridee asked ‘Did you just remove that from your ass from the last panel?’ Later she was chewed out by Mr. J in front of the other girls for showing lack of respect.

Michelle got a great review for her shoot, Melrose stuffed it up by being wooden and Caridee apologised but still screwed up the shoot.

The judging panel was a toughy. Each girl had to say who they thought had the most potential and who had the least. Melrose picked herself and Eugena. Eugena picked herself and Amanda. Caridee picked herself and Amanda. Amanda picked Eugena as having the most potential and Caridee as the least. Michelle picked Caridee and herself.

The Twins were the bottom two and Michelle went home after sacrificing herself for her sister who wants it more.

Episode 7-12

Flamenco lessons saw the paired up with four professional dancers. Eugena got the thumbs up from the teacher for picking up the steps so quickly. Amanda had two left feet. Miss J. joined them all for dinner and Melrose sucked up big time.

The next day they had to dance in full flamenco costume. Eugena did well and even managed to smile while dancing, proving finally that she can do more than one thing at a time. Melrose who ‘have my steps mastered’ forgot her steps. Eugena won the challenge and picked Amanda as her companion. Melrose pouted and then cried ‘cause she takes dancing very seriously and din’t like being judged. Then again, I would have cried too if I’d been made to wear a baby blue polka dot dress!
The girls where paired up to be water-nymphs for the photo shoot with Tyra coaching them. The water in the swimming pool was so cool all the girls had chatter teeth, but Caridee was treated for hypothermia.

With only four girls left, the bitchy comments have stepped up a notch with Eugena calling Amanda gangly and Melrose even shooting nasty looks during judging.

Judging panel saw Caridee and Amanda in the bottom two. Despite Michelle’s efforts last week, Amanda went home.

In next weeks season final Caridee, Melrose and Eugena fight it out for the title of America’s Next Top Model. And, you dear readers can breathe a sigh of relief at it all being over!

Merry Christmas!

(608 words)

Tarmac to Robbie Vol 3 (long, but the final part :-)

Monday morning passed us all (Edna, Hubby and I) by in a rapid movement of the eye. After the excesses of the previous evening and early hours of the morning, by the time we got out of the hotel it was lunchtime.

So we made our way out to Richmond and a place called Pearl on the recommendation of a friend of Edna’s. We were armed with a business card and nothing else except the comment of ‘it’s rather nice.’ So we walk through the door, dressed in jeans and t-shirts and the man at the desk says ‘How may I help you?’
‘Are you here for the restaurant?’
I have been told I looked at him blankly, but I was thinking - No, we’re here for the monkeys on bicycles -
He asked again, but this time hubby jumped in with the sensible answer to his questions ‘Yes, lunch, bar menu outside, fine. Thank you.’ Before steering me out to the table and away from the full-on three course extravaganza that was happening inside. While we waited to order we watched a very tall man in a grey suit park his black Mercedes in a No-parking zone and walk in. Our waiter informed us that he was the head of Village Cinemas and always gets a parking ticket with his lunch. The extremely lovely light lunch of Steak sandwiches and noodles (see picture) was delivered but our happy waiter, wine was drunk, but when wind started to impair our enjoyment we moved into the bar area for dessert and more wine to match. Orange Blossom ice cream and an obscene almond milk jelly was consumed by Edna, Turkish Delight with Rose ice cream saw its way slowly into my tummy and hubby had dumplings with three chocolates. It was all divine until we got the bill, but then we should have known we weren’t going to be having a $15 dollar lunch when we saw the Mother-of-Pearl walls.

A quick trip to Prahran saw Edna and Hubby relaxing in a pub drinking cider, while I nipped to the local Antique book store. They had a copy of an out of print book I have been eyeing for a while and now they don’t. It’s mine! ;-) A walk along Chapel Street revealed many treasures including this gem of a Greengrocers shop called Rocky's/

Back across town a couple of hours later, we had finally found somewhere to eat near the Telstra Dome. Trixy was there, Bob and Mick, so a table of six in the corner. Very nice food but it was all over too soon. We were off the concert. We left T,B and M to finish their food while we made out way to our seats high in the clouds and million miles from the stage. To be fair to the ‘special Inner Sanctum seats’ we had a really good view of the overall show.

Robbie Williams was fantastic! He looked wired, or maybe it was just knackered as this was his last tour of a world tour that has been going since the start of the year. I know he’s released another album in the time and had some time off, but he must be exhausted, poor baby. He danced, sweated, strutted, and sat his way through two hours of pure entertainment. He sang ‘Me and my Shadow’ with Jonny Wilkes and Kids with his back up singers. He put on his special Addidas white hoodie when he encored with Rudebox.

About halfway through the evening (about 10.15, he came on a 9pm) he was talking about the concert he did in Brisbane and how he’d been told off for smoking in the Non-Smoking venue. He said ‘I know this is a non-smoking venue too but let’s face it sometime I just fancy a fag’ then took a really long drag from his cigarette. He went on o say ‘This is for all the impressionable kiddies out there, I am NOT a role model!’ That’s Shane Warne’s job.’ The audience cheered and then chanted Warney for about thirty seconds.
He broke the record for a performance at the Telstra Dome with 66,500 people. The previous record is about 57,000.

GO ROBBIE!

The following morning we were a little worse for wear, but didn’t care too much. The concert had been fantastic and any dramas from the previous night were not quite forgotten but certainly not being dwelled upon except by the drama creator. Eggs Benedict (salmon and spinach) set us up for ta day of doing the rest of the things we wanted to do while in Melbourne. A trip to the Philatelic Centre, a picture of Purple Trees (jacaranda) a Christmas pressie purchase and a trip to Crown Casino. Edna lost $10 at Roulette, then I won $20 at Roulette, then I cashed in my chips (‘cause I couldn’t find a $5 Blackjack table) and gave hubby and Edna $2 each for the pokies. He won $18 and Edna won $12. So all in all we came out, up. A great end to an overall great long weekend.

Tarmac to Robbie - Vol 2

Once Hubby and Edna got back from the Best Eggs Benedicts in Melbourne I was prised from my pit, showered and dressed, then we all took off on out walking tour of the City of Melbourne. After perusing some very fine stores, such as Leghorn, a custom made tie and suit shop that we can’t remember the name of, an equally yummy jewellery shop in a side alley and the Lord of the Fries (a cup of hand cut chips with mayo that prompted an ANTM style photo shoot once again, the mayo was better than the self proclaimed ‘best chips in Melbourne’) before getting on the City Circle tram.

After seeing the Eagle that guards Docklands we walked through the ‘wetlands’ park which was more of a puddle. Edna and I relived our youth with a swing on the ehh… swings before I behaved like a complete bogan and rolled down the hill like a five year old. I think I may have regressed a few years too many! ;-)

The walk around the dockland took us passed the ‘cow in a tree’, which apparently represents drought and famine, whatever! To the New Quay and many bars, restaurants and ice cream parlours. The Bar was first, were we topped up energy levels with Magners and wedges at the James Squire Brewhouse were I also happened to prove my age by spilling Sweet Chilli Sauce down the front of my white top. After some examination and flashing to other patrons we moved onto having cones at the Limoncetto. Handmade ice cream in the flavours of Caramel, cherry, strawberry, mango and the special, which happened to be Lemon sorbet. Very Yum!

A kerfuffle with trams and a bit of over sun exposure later we arrived at David Jones for a tad or retail therapy. Hubby was also a tad, exasperated that is! Edna ended up purchasing a rather fetching burnt orange belted dress, while I replaced my sweet Chilli stained white t-shirt with a rather nice green shirt.

Dinner took place after a brief stop over at The European Bier Café. Were I thought Edna was going to have a fit when the barmaid tried to pour her Erdinger Dunkel into a glass quickly! After a brief education the barmaid was aware, but unimpressed, that despite the Germans being efficient, an Erdinger is poured slowly until just before the end when you swill the last liquid to mix the yeast before pouring into the glass to produce the head. We downed our drinks rapidly before running to the ‘Best Sushi Train in Melbourne’ for dinner.

Tomodachi, the self proclaimed ‘best sushi train in Melbourne’ may be the best train, but it sure isn’t the best selection or the cheapest. Apart from the Smoked Salmon/Prawn/eel/caviar/cress do-dad on a gold plate ($7.50) everything was pretty ordinary, and better at Sushi Bus on Oxford Street in Sydney, and we would have earned over 50 points at Sushi Bus towards our next meal.

Back to the Euro Bier Café for after dinner drinks and plenty Erdingers consumed before adjourning to our hotel suite with Pink and Red (lovely jubbly bubbly) in tow. Dancing to ‘Floorfillers’ ended the evening with daft dancing and a cuppa tea!

(533 words)

Tarmac to Robbie - Vol 1

After a fun ‘Santa in leather chaps’ trip to Hellfire on Friday night with Edna, we got up four hours after leaving to commence the long drive to Melbourne. We were starting a weekend long exodus to see Robbie Williams in concert. In the car was Hubby driving, me in the front passenger seat and Edna lounging in the backseat like the superstar that she is. We had snacks, drink and music!

Just as we turned onto Flinders Street someone asked ‘Are we there yet?’

Two hours later we arrived in Goulburn to see the ‘Big Marina’. This is more commonly known as the Big Merino and is a forty metre high concrete sheep on the edge of town and the only tourist attraction within 50kms. We saw the good s for sale before climbing the stairs to the lookout point on top. At the top of six flights of stairs we were treated to spy holes looking out over housing estates and boards filled with such gems as ‘dress your children in wool’ along with a picture of a child dressed in nylon going up in flames.

Two hours later we arrived at the next tourist attraction. The stunning, awe inspiring and shockingly small ‘Dog on a Tucker Box’. The sign on the Hume Highway, which was the size of a house directed us with only 500m to go. So with urgency we indicated to the right and made the turn. After driving around the car park, we found it. A fountain with a bronze dog sitting on a god damn lunch box! After a photo shoot that would put Americas Next Tip Model to shame we were back on the road.

Two hours later and after a brief nap for the passengers we arrived in Holbrook. A small town that has the National Museum of Australian Pottery, a craft shop and a 90 metre submarine. Not bad for a town 400kms for the nearest ocean. A brief stop and climb and drink saw us refreshed for the next few hours in the car.

After the submarine, we were convinced there could be nothing else to see in NSW, but we were proven wrong by the National Truck Drivers Memorial. Practically a Mecca for Edna, all we need is the Pretty Boys Memorial and we’ll be complete!

The NSW/Vic border came and went in the blink of an eye except the brief tourist photo shoot.

Suddenly Seymour was upon us. Actually it took 200kms, but every time we saw to the sign and shouted ‘Feed Me’. It was funny for about 100ks, then we played the Movie game which took us up to Glenrowan. A town known to be the place were Ned Kelly was finally caught, we managed to get a few good pictures of the Giant Ned before moving on! After all Ned and his blood soaked miniature pony auditioned for a 4th member of their gang here, so they were bound to be caught.
Just before dusk we finally rolled into Melbourne. Through the art lined highways and bad driving, we navigated our way to the hotel.

After dumping the bags we walked to the South Bank and consume sustenance. Edna tucked into Muscles in vodka and caviar. Hubby had Pan Fried Atlantic Salmon in ‘sauce’ and potatoes and I gnawed my way through the toughest Duck Breast in the south hemisphere. My advice would be that the Bistro Vite is anything but Quick!

(580 words)

Second Adolescence

It official, It seems I'm going through puberty AGAIN!

I went to see my ‘gal’ today for a spot of waxing before Christmas and we got to talking about the condition of my skin. Now, those of you that know, I’m 34, those of you that didn’t; now you do ;-). For the last couple of months my skin has been crazy spotty. Chin, nose, back, chest, even in my hair, it’s gross, trust me. It gets worse, twenty minutes after I’ve washed my face, cleansed, toned and applied a light moisturiser my face feels like I’ve got over zealous with the spray cooking oil.

It’s not even as if I’m eating crisps and greasy crap...I live on fresh fruit, rich rolls, veggies, sushi and meat (not a lot of chocolate although it does sneak in on occasion and I partial to jelly). And I drink getting on for two litres of water a day as well and green tea.

So, we were discussing my skin, what’s changed? New moisturiser? No. New shampoo? No. Are you having more sex? No more than usual.

Then I remembered, about three months ago I went off the pill due to my high blood pressure (the pill can increase bp), for the first time since I went on it when I was 14.

‘Well, that’s it then. You’re going through puberty, properly!’

I must make a Doctor’s appointment so she can put a stop to it.


(240 words)

I’m a Switcher

I switched to the new version of blogger. You need to have a Google account to sign in.

It takes a while to convert it, so I would suggest you don't press the 'convert' button at half past midnight just before a quick update.

Otherwise, I think it's the same so far.

An Accidental 4-Way over Lunch

Trixy is back in time for the Christmas party season having returned from a Stateside trip for Turkey Day and a family visit. The family part of the visit went well with his sister being pregnant with her second child, a brother that still loves him and a dad who spoke to him instead of watching the weather channel (see it’s not just me with a screwy family).

The rest of the trip went exceptionally well too. He went to Hugo Boss in George Town, San Francisco and got himself a couple of new suits and generally shopped up a storm, but then any girl would go shopping in San Fran. He also picked up a few other lovely young things. There was the bellboy who didn’t get cash as a tip and the three students who gave him a lift back to his exclusive hotel after a night out on the town, they asked what the room was like and he showed them. It must be a real bitch not being able to get a cab at 2am in Pennsylvania.

Over coffee we discussed the New Year, we’ve decided our Resolution for 2007 is to become Groupies!

I mentioned that I would like to see more pub bands and up and coming artists after looking at a copy of Drum Media, a free gig guide to Sydney, he told me what fun it is and how much fun he had when based in Melbourne. So, what with weight lose and exercise being so 2006, groupies for 2007 it is.

What's your New Years Resolution?

(260 words)

Drinking, Movies and Elephant Butts

My weekend started with a night out in Newtown with Edna and a few other from when I still worked at Statewide Speedy. We started in The Courthouse before moving to Zanzibar when we all got kicked out at closing. Quite a bit of alcohol was consumed, philosophies were debated, girls were pulled, girls were put in taxi’s and I was called a anthropologist by a cab driver. Got in at 4.30am.

At 11am on Saturday I rolled out bed feeling tired and sorry for myself before consuming the classic morning after fodder of a chicken kebab with barbeque sauce. Feeling much better I went to the movies to catch up on some of the flicks I’ve missed. So I treated myself to a visual feast of Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale in The Prestige. It was full of twists and turns and double crosses, making an unusual film in the current season of animation. On the way home we drove past Aussie Stadium and got a brief taste of Robbie.

Sunday started with a trip to Taronga Zoo. They opened a new exhibit about a month ago, five new Elephants arrived. We also saw chimps, spoonbills and silvery gibbons, crocodiles and ohh… yes elephants. Hubby caught me out with a dumb blond joke. We were walking along and he said ‘we can’t go there, ‘it’s sealed off!’ It took at least a few seconds before I realised we were walking past the seal tanks.

Sunday evening was rounded off with another trip to the movies to see Casino Royale. Were do I start without given you a plethora of spoilers, but I will say that why do Hollywood producers and directors insist of on f*cking with Bond. They’ve taken the girlie silhouettes away from the opening credits but replaced them with guys getting shot silhouettes being serenaded by an unknown singer. He’s blonde with the most piecing blue eyes, surely they aren’t real? No gadget collection point with bad jokes about lunch and he get injured! Bond doesn’t get injured! He does however, look very good in a dinner jacket as well as having a cute butt in trunks.

Why do they insist on treating Bond like a spy...he isn’t a spy, no spy would escape after a year in a Korean torture camp, swim across Hong Kong Harbour in his pj’s, walk into the Yacht Club soaking wet to be greeted by the manager with ‘Good Evening Mr. Bond, your usual suite?’

He’s a good darn super hero, do you see them dressing Superman in purple?!

(400 Words)

Jingle Balls

I was walking about the city last week and saw this -

I had to take a picture 'cause only in a country that celebrates Christmas when its hotter than the sun would you see a pair of baubles masquerading as testicles on a acupuncture points mannequin.

ANTM 7-9 & 7-10

I’m a bit behind, so you’ve got a double episode rundown.

Episode 7 - 9

Gabrielle Reece, model and volley ball player gave the girls a lesson in ‘Action Shots’ Melrose got stuck into Anchel right from the start about Achel’s unwillingness to get her kit off

James St James (Author and stylist) took the girls to the race track so they could take their own photos as they jumped/attacked their boyfriend for the day Stanton Barrett the Nascar Driver. Amanda won the challenge even though she stood on the bonnet of the car with 4 inch spike heels and scratched the paintwork.

Patrick Giardino was the photographer for the action photo shoot the was the first Cover Girl shoot. They were taken to a skydiving training facility, dressed as space girls and photographed for a composite foundation advert. Melrose mucked it up!

Judging saw Melrose not as confident as usual and Anchel wanting to go home.

Michelle and Anchel where in the bottom two, Anchel went home. Caridee cried.

6 to go

Episode 7 - 10

After a brief but shocking acting workshop Caridee won the challenge by appearing to be the best in a silent movie. As her prize she got to appear on One Tree Hill in a guest starring role.

All the girls traveled to the Barcelona for their exotic location. A succession of male models joined the bus before a traditional Catalan meal. During the meal the girls were given their first challenge which was to shot an advert in Spanish with the assistance of the male model they had been paired with. Over dinner Jaeda’s partner told her he didn’t like coloured girls and he was eating so didn’t want to practice.

Neither Amanda or Michelle struck a cord with Jay, Melrose strutted her stuff, but giggled her way through, Caridee sucked big time but made out with the male model, and Jaeda failed completely because the whole idea of kissing the nasty man made her feel sick.

During judging the girls let Melrose have it for being a kiss-arse and telling the panel that she studied for an extra two hours.

Caridee and Jaeda were in the bottom two. Jaeda flew home and seemed to be quite happy about it.

(363 words)

The Week that Was

Once again we are at Friday. My last post was on a Friday and I’ve just recovered from a mediocre weekend.

Hubbies Aunt and Uncle were in town and we spent the entire weekend with them. It started on Friday night, dinner at a steak house on Darling Harbour were we had the camera in our face, heard about the selling of the sheep and bullocks and how the pig farm doesn’t smell anymore. We also heard about their travels around Aus, before they got to Sydney.

After dinner I went to VICE the new fetish club in town, which was explained away as a night with the girls.

Saturday saw us in the car, boys in the front and girls in the back, driving to the Central Coast and lunch on the beach. They told us about their travels so far in Aus before reaching Sydney and how they’ve sold the sheep and bullock and that believe it of not, the pig farm is no longer a pig farm and doesn’t smell anymore. The weather left a lot to be desired but I took them Rock Pooling after lunch.

They did ask if I had enjoyed my ‘night out with the girls’ and what sort of club was it. I described VICE as ‘just a nightclub with acts on the half hour’. I should have left that bit out, as they asked ‘what sort of acts?’ There had been a Sword Swallower, so that was easy and the very sexy, but gay pole dancer became a tap dancer.

Sunday, we met them at Centre Point Tower after lunch. Shortly after the traumatic experience of helping hubby buy a new suit. They told us about lunch in the revolving restaurant and about selling the sheep, bullocks and how the smell of pigs has now left their home.

Monday, work! Tuesday, country. Wednesday, Work and Sushi with Edna. Thursday, country and relaxo, which bring us to today. Friday, work and the writing of my blog. It was only when I started that I realised I just recovered from the visit last weekend. So what do you think it’s going to be like when his parents are here for six weeks starting Feb17th!

(371 words)

My Good Friends Wedding

Yesterday morning my clubbing buddy Sam got married.

He married a lovely lady, Sara at the Sydney Registry office in front of his Dad, her Mum, a work colleagues, Hubby and I. They will have a traditional Indian ceremony next year in India some time. She worn a sari of gold silk and her palms were painted with henna, she looked beautiful. He had on a grey suit with a pink shirt and tie, very dashing.

It a very odd feeling to get up and dress to go to a wedding at 9 o’clock in the morning, then to go home straight after. There was no lunch or dinner. I was home by 10.30am.

The service was presided over by a gentleman with grey wirery hair and thick glasses and the soothing voice of a vicar. The Mother of the bride worn a burnt orange sari with black sashing and was a demon with a video camera. At one point it was thrust at me, and only taken back after it was all over. I didn’t mind, she had other things to be doing, like watching her daughter get hitched and signing the register. His Dad had on black slacks and white shirt, open at the collar, a biro in his breast pocket and a camera in his hand. The photographer kept telling him to take out the biro and had to dodge him for the good photo angles.

After it was over Mother in Law gave everyone present a Ferro Roche. The short ceremony was lovely and too the point.

Congratulations, Mate. I hope you will both be happy!’

(268 words)

Iceberg Ahead!

Yesterday, after I’d had my hair cut and whilst I was having all offending hair wax from my body I received a phone call for Hubby. He had been offered two free tickets to see Titanic – A New Musical at the Theatre Royal, did I want to go?

Being a big fan of musicals in general, the answer was a big YES!

Also, I was curious. How can you make a musical about such a tragic event? This is after all the story of the world’s largest moving object (at the time, 1912) that sank on her maiden voyage after hitting an iceberg.

Make it a comedy, probably best not too. Make it dead serious, not a big draw card. They went for something in between, mostly serious, but a few pieces of comic moments. This is not a remake of the movie on the stage. The title song, is very powerful and tugs the heartstrings at just the right moments. The staging even manages to sink the ship without even a single drop of water.

I did of course cry, as I always do whenever I think of this story. Perhaps it’s because my mum is from Southampton and I grew up on tales of the ‘unsinkable ship’ from my grandad, perhaps it’s because her great uncle was a pastry chef on board and was one of the survivors, I’m not sure, whatever the reason I’m glad I saw it.

If you get a chance, go see it.

Ohh… yeah, and the costumes are fabulous!

(256 words)

ANTM 7-8

The recap episode of who’s made it this far.

It showed how the girls got a fashion makeover at the start, stuff got throw out and then they got to got shopping.

The bitching started. Comments like ‘die bitch die’, ‘you smell so bad’, you ate my chips’, she’s a psycho’ and ‘grow a weave’.

The funniest thing ever though was the reaction to a sparrow that was inside the house. The screams and running…!

So nothing really that exciting. We are left with Melrose, Eugena, Michelle, Amanda, Caridee, Anchel and Jaeda.

Beautiful Armidale (long with pictures)

I was lucky this weekend, it started on Thursday.

As volunteer editor of a newsletter about alpacas, I have recently put together and sent out a calendar of cute pictures and regional dates with the approval for committee and members (no easy feat as anyone involved with committees will tell you). So I spent Thursday in my car, driving from Sydney to Armidale (600+ kilometres) for a regional meeting and popping into Information Centre and little shops along the way, trying to sell the calendar. I got rid of 50 or so. I also stopped and interviewed a fleece testing owner for the newsletter.

I arrived at the little B&B I was staying in just after 6pm, order a take away and a bottle of red and chilled out ‘cause I was (quite frankly) knackered after a day in the car.


I awoke on Friday feeling good, and was looking forward to a day amongst the alpacas, blue fairy wrens and plovers, English cottage garden, writing up the interview and generally taking it easy in preparation for the Committee/OGM meetings to be attended on Sunday. At about 12.30/1 I decided to pick up my messages, what a mistake! The last one of five was from the regional president telling ‘we’ll sort out the Carnation* issue at the Committee meeting’.

Well, with a cryptic message like that I had to call her and find out what was happening. After all I didn’t have access to my email in the wilds of downtown Armidale.

It turns out that Carnation had once again been up to her trick of being vindictive, mean spirited and noxious self to the point of recruiting a Crony to attack me, the committee and the calendar by saying such things as the photos were poorly composed and taken on a cheap camera (my camera was not cheap, small, but not cheap), that 85% of the pictures had been taken in one spot (at least 10 different locations including overseas), the animals portrayed were miserable looking and genetically poor (10 of the 13 months are of broad ribbon winners), the advertisers should get their money back (it was sponsorship, not advertising), major events in the general alpaca calendar were missing (not available at time of publication, and still not available) and finally that the calendar as a whole was a ‘disaster’.

As you can image after hearing this and other tip bits that I have not included I was rather P*SSed Off! The President was also miffed as her animals were some that had been accused of being genetically inferior, including her Supreme Champion female. I can quite honestly say, if I had seen Carnation or Crony at that moment I would have nutted her. My leisurely day was out the window.

Many phone calls were made to the sponsors and all but one, were happy with what they got. Carnation and Crony had, btw, not been involved in production at all. Much discussion took place, with my hosts, (also alpaca breeders, who incidentally thought the tone of the emails were personal attacks), and I was calmed down. My weekend on a whole though had a taint on it. After dinner and a few glasses of red, things were looking better, but I still went to bed muttering ‘bastards’ under my cab sav breath.

Saturday, say hubby and I doing a rather long, delightful tourist drive to see the waterfalls of the New England Tablelands. Bakers Falls was rocky and dry. Wollomombi Falls, according to the postcard I purchased is supposed to be a rushing torrent forming the tallest waterfall in NSW, it was dry. The surrounding landscape was spectacular so that kinda made up for the lack of water. Lunch at the Wollomombi General store saw hubby eating the biggest burger on the planet and me selling the owner 5 calendars.

Further on up the road was Ebor Falls, now this one is perennial, so it had water. And boy, was it purdy! One waterfall made up on an upper and lower falls. The Upper falls was wide with lots of rocks for the water to divide and break over. The water then wound its way to the lower fall which is a sheer 100 metre drop to the bottom of the valley. The drive back to the B&B took us onto dirt roads, past sweeping plains and amongst many iddy bidy baby moo cows.

Saturday night we had dinner with the committee and discussed all sorts of things at length, including the calendar, and pretty much decide that Carnation and Crony could take a runny jump and that we were not going to let them get to us (mainly me ;-) Nice dinner/bbq, good company and a dash of good drink.

Sunday and the day of the Alpaca meeting, 32 mad keen people in attendance. Pretty much all of them said how much they liked the calendar; in fact I sold 40 at the meeting. So, in my general business of this blog entry I would like to say, 'get you’re your bloody facts right, Carnation and Crony!’

On the drive home, hubby and I were so engrossed in our discussion of volunteer organisations and need for people on the side lines to criticise and put down those that help, he got caught speeding by a nice policeman in a red car. The Copper gave us a ticket for going 123kms in a 100 limit, we gave him a calendar.

*name changed to protect the Cantankerous Old Bat.

(898 words)

Duel

After my soul had been returned to me when I left the office today (my current job is very boring and each morning I surrender my soul at the door, only to have it returned as I leave) I went to a seminar at Uni about food writing. Or should I say Writing about food. It was a lecture given by a food critic/author/food lover about what not to do if you plan on a career as a person who writes about food. I’m not explaining this well! ;-) But I think you get the jist.

After, I had a meal of raw salmon wrapped in rice grains and seaweed, deep fried Tofu with teriyaki sauce washed down with nice, cold, not so fresh apple and blackcurrant juice. The company was fine, in the form of Edna and Hubby. The ambience of the Sushi Bus engendered lively conversation and much hilarity. Service as always was par excellent, even when the train derailed and spilt plates of food onto the counter in front of us. Plates are just $3 and $7 each, so none of that trying to figure out if the plate is pink, grey or bronze.

Anyway, I think you get the ideaJ

I drove Edna home, then drove to Bucketty. The traffic was a pain, despite being after 11 at night. I had to stop on the F3 so some loose rocks could be knocked off the rock walls just south of Berowra, then again, for tree trimming just north, added 20 minutes to the trip. After I got off the freeway (motorway to the POMS out there), I picked up a follower. Very odd really, I slowed, he didn’t overtake, but when I sped up he kept pace. I couldn’t shake him. All i could see was two bright white, glowing headlights. On the plus side, when I turned onto our dirt track, I lost him. No driving over cliffs to shake him required. Very Steven Spielberg!

(317 words)

ANTM 7-7

Impromptu photo shoot with Tyra taking the pictures, saw the girls wearing cat contacts doing scary beautiful.

The lesson today was from Sutra and Dita Von Tease and how to be sexy. Caridee went over the top and showed her knickers, Dita told her to tone it down.. Brooke was horrified at having to pretend to strip. Later all the girls had to strut their stuff on the dinner table of the director of Seventeen Magazine, Cathy Gould. Melrose won the challenge and took Brooke, Amanda and Michelle along to the editorial photo shoot prize.

The bitching continued with Anchel being given advice on how not to be fat. Melrose being told she too old. Jadea continued to moan about having her hair cut, get over it already it’s been 6 weeks!

Fabio was the prop for the romance novel front cover photo shoot. Brooke accused him of being as thick as a tree (his thighs) and was sacred silly, Anchel nailed her impression of Cleopatra and Melrose played the perfect Madam.

In judgment, Brooke was accused of being beauty queen, but not a model.

Brooke and Eugena were in the bottom two. Brooke went home in time to go to graduation.

(202 words)

The Crops are in

I picked the first of the peas from the plants on my balcony today. I think I may be a while away from self sufficiency!

Count them carefully!

Feasting On Flesh

I went to the Opera House tonight with my buddy Edna to see Feasting on Flesh. What a fantasic show! Circus for Adults as Edna put it.

There a little blonde guy who could be mistaken for the Energiser (Duracell if you’re in the UK) Bunny who bounds around the stage doing back flips and acrobatics wearing a tux, a pair of blank boxer or nothing. The dark, tall muscular guy who wears the same plus a lilac sequined G-string and does some amazing ariel acrobatics. The beautiful and luscious big girl with flawless skin who wears everything and nothing who sings, dances and does magic. Then the tall, dark, skinny girl who dances, get wrapped in cling film and pretends to be a severed head on a platter, ohh and squishes tomatoes with enthusiasm. The older guy who narrates, pushes cake into the little blonde guys arse and smokes with meaning.

Finally, you have the Musician, the delectable Gotye. Tall, dark, handsome, talents with percussion and piano, sensual music to delight the senses (I’ve been a fan for a while, you might notice), also, as I discovered tonight, a mighty fine Dutch accent and a surprising opinion on the taste of semen. Apparently you have no taste buds at the back of your throat! And ladies, when men dine out, it’s not the food that counts but the ambiance of the restaurant. Take Note!

Also, as Edna pointed out as he was standing on the stage in front of us, big shoes...

Big Feet!

If you haven’t booked a ticket to see this show, it’s on till the 18th November. Go Now!

(229 words)

Toilet Humour

My cold is still hanging on and when I get sick, my tummy also plays up. Anyway, without going into too much detail, earlier today I had to go to the loo. As I was walking through the office toward the ladies I was joined by someone else who wanted to chat and fix her makeup.

I’m one of those strange people who doesn’t like going to the loo while someone else is around, so after making an excuse to leave I made a dash down the stairs to the floor below, only to find the cleaner going in.

Down to the next floor, 3rd time lucky, anything but funny!

(110 words)

Hurting Hair

I'm sick!

My hair still hurts today, much worse than yesterday in fact. So everything makes sense seeing as I didn't have that much to drink on Saturday! I'm pretty sure it's just a head cold, but I feel shocking, coughing, sneezing, aching and sore eyes. So no swimming today! ;-(

Blog Spam

Due to Blog Spam in my comments, I have had to turn on Word Verification.
Sorry for the inconvenience.

Weekend Précis

I drove up to Bucketty on Friday night for a quite night and a good night’s sleep, something I don’t always get with a snoring hubby by my side. I was going well until I hit the Pacific Highway and had to deal with this little jerk. A red P plater in a heap of junk Ute with lorry mud flaps (why would you do that?) and a really sucky attitude. At a merge he wasn’t going to let me in until I played the ‘I’m older and got more insurance’ card. You can’t see it here, but his stickers had words of wisdom such as;
If you don’t love it LEAVE! (next to the Aussie Flag)
Bullbars, better than airbags
Real Cars are made with spanners, not chopsticks
B&S Ball 2006

He wasn’t happy that I had got in front and tail gated me until I hit the F3. Once on the F3 the weather rewarded me with a spectacular show of rainbows. Shooting from the steering wheel and pointing the camera in the general direction gave me these shots.
Fast forward to Saturday, a waxing trip followed by 40 lengths in 30 minutes was then followed by a night out with my good buddy Toddina. I haven’t had a night out with him for over a year and it turned into a big one. He did point out to me that my Japanese Subara may have been the reason the dick in the Ute didn’t want me to merge in front of him. I had disturbed his well thought out and pea sized brain, bogan sensibilities. We drank to his being offered the chance to study for a Phd and the fact I had enrolled in my Masters. We drank to boys. We drank to the great Australian Weather (it was 34degrees yesterday). We drank to us and anything we could think of really, which by 3.30am was a lot of old crap.

Civilised dinner at the Bavarian Beer Café on York Street had turned into Cosmo’s at the Imperial in Erskinville. Ohh...dear!

Today...my hair hurts!

(338 words)

Mum

Work is really slow at the moment. So slow in fact, that as of next week I will be working part time for the next few weeks. It sucks, but I am managing to fill my working hours with a bit of writing, a bit of surfing and plenty of walking around looking busy. I can quite honestly say I have only ever been bored at work.

So, as it turns out, today my colleague Reg is also suffering from a lack of inspiration and we got to chatting, as you do. He revealed that in the thirty odd years he’s worked here, he has been bored more than inspired, then out of the blue he says ‘I miss my mum.’

He followed that very rapidly with, ‘I know that a silly thing to say.’
‘Not at all, it’s understandable,’ I reply and little shocked.

He buried his mother 4 weeks ago. She passed away after a battle with lung cancer. And this is the only sign of grief he has ever shown whilst at work, even to the point of turning up at a workshop just two day after the funeral.

Anyway…he started saying that when bored he would phone her for a quick chat ‘cause even if he was talking crap she would still love it, ‘I put butter on my bread today Mum.’ Then in a high pitched voice, ‘Ohh, don’t use to much, you don’t know how lucky you are, we only had dripping and not that fancy stuff they have today.’

It broke my heart, I wanted to give him a hug, pat him on the back and say it would all be OK!

(275 words)

Swimming 8

Didn’t do much tonight, only 10 lengths, but then Edna came to. We chatted, did a bit of Aqua Aerobics then had a spa followed by relationship over analysis in the sauna for 30 minutes. It was a real girlie night!

On the way out we saw a couple of rather hot young things entering the pool area and spa. As we left they asked if we would turn out the lights. We did, but not before I had warned them that the security camera could still see them. As we got to the lifts, the Spa alarm was going off. I rushed back to tell them that the President will be visiting soon to reset the alarm. I got a call from the President about 10 minutes later to say he had found them have sex in the spa and their lease will be terminated!

(148 words)

UPDATE : 11.12am 9th November 2006

The naughty boys in the spa last night last, broke the emergency alarm, had been smoking and drink whilst in the spa and abused the President when he went down to reset the alarm. Their cute butts are outta there!

ANTM 7-6

Michelle announced that she ‘may be gay’, her twin sister Amanda seemed to have trouble with it

Mark Steines for E Entertainment Tonight gave them a quick lesson on the red carpet before throwing them to the wolf in the form of Janice Dickerson
CariDee asked why she was over pungent, Brooke asked her why she was such a bitch, AJ lost it. Melrose won a chance to file a story for E.

Tara came into the house interviewed each of the girls to find out how they were doing. Amanda revealed that she was worried that her sister would be judged for revealing that she was unsure of sexual orientation. Their mother took it really well.

The photo shoot was Celebrity Couples. Each of the girls was photographed as the male first then went back into makeup to come down as the girlie half. Photographer was Matthew Jordan Smith. Brooke shone through this week posing as Britney and Kevin. CariDee redeemed her earlier faux paux as Angelina and Brad, complete with babies in tow.

Jaeda and AJ were in the bottom two, AJ went home.

Swimming 7

21 in 12 minutes. It was past 10pm and I started seeing the boogie man in the shadows. I really must start going earlier so i can keep swimming without my heart rate raising due to a freaked out imagination!

Melbourne Cup Day

It's that time of year again. The race that stops a nation.

Do I place a bet or not...? Do I willingly go into a TAB and hand over $20 for a slip of paper that will be useless to me in little over two hours?

I'll keep you posted!

UPDATE - 11.34 7/11/06
Glistening received the kiss of death when I put $5 each way on it.

New Club in Town

On Friday Edna and I went to a new fetish club that has opened in Sydney. Called Vice it operates in the basement of ARQ at 16 Flinders Street on the first Friday of each month.

Dressed in my lovely new red boots, short black skirt, black corset and white shirt. Edna worn a snappy pink t with rolling stones lip, black short skirt, and flower printed doc martens. A sexy pair we made as we rocked up to the front door at 10.30.

At 4am we left after it took a while to get going, fairly bad music and plenty or vodka and orange. Edna had a bad experience too, and I had to get Master Tom to have a chat with a ‘tourist’ so he didn’t go around trying to get girls to put their hands on his dick under the table.

Hellfire is still our favorite destination on a Friday night!

(154 words)

Naughty Poems

I asked Edna to read my poem Achilles Heel from her valuable opioin and she came back with this reply ‘I do like the poem, although one should not read it when eating one's breakfast. Or maybe it's just that I am very good at picturing things in graphic detail... :-) As to what it's about- it's obvious- it's about going on holiday and trying to find someone to water your plants for you!’

Mate, it's about foot massage!

Achilles Heel

The touch of skin
to skin,
my digits entwined
fingers

thumb wrapped around
squeezing,
choking my big toe
throbbing

wet tongue to arch,
probing,
stroking the length of
heaven

the sweetest spot
between
the second and third,
honey

slowly you tease
my flesh
temptation the last
head back

soon the end comes
biting
from toe tip to calf
tickles

Swimming 6

I have had to come up with a sequence of swimming titles. This is the sixth day I have been swimming since last Wednesday so its swimming entry six. I hope that clear ;-)

21 lengths in under 20 minutes. Don’t know exact time ‘cause my stopwatch flaked out and i didn't have my glasses on, so therefore couldn't see the clock, not that I checked the time going in, but I got out the pool at 1740.

ANTM 7-5

They started the episode with a lesson in extreme high fashion posing with a contortionist. Melrose had a go at Anchel for eating to much and not doing cardio to work it all off (she had 4 eggs for breakfast).

Everyone got stuck into Melrose when she brown nosed Twiggy at dinner.

The high fashion posing came in handy when they had to play statues at fashion show. Eugena did the best poses and won $32,000 worth of jewellery. After Melrose did her best impression of Derek Zoolander by saying ‘I just wish I’d been softer and smiled a little more, this face (pulls face) is very different from this face (pulls same face).’

The photo shoot was ‘turn of the century circus freaks’. Caridee was praised for a great job, and the twins worked it as Siamese twins joined at the head.

Jadea and Megg were in the bottom two…Megg went home.

Swimming

14 laps in 9 minutes, I would have done more but my creepy neighbour came down, sat in the spa and watched me. Eww!

Hair Removal

After a lunch of gelatinous white grains with raw sea dwellers and salt water botanicals I popped into a chemist with Edna to purchase a hair removal product for her ohh so hairy legs (it’s summertime nearly and the short trousers are coming out of the dark end of the wardrobe). So we are standing in front of Wax strips, Cream, Nads and razors discussing the options. It was decided that waxing is messy, shaving causes stubble and after a tale of cat hair, cream is also messy. So she’s going to see a girl.

The cat tale – long ago in a land, far, far away there was a lady called Sally (aka Muv). She decided one day to use hair removal cream on her legs before going out for her once a year fancy outing with her husband (aka Dad). So there she is, 6 o’clock in the evening, walking around the house, doing stuff for her five children with hair removal cream covering her legs from ankle to thigh. Picture an exaggerated John Wayne walk. Jodie and Sorrell, the family cats started playing and Sorrell ran away using a path that went directly between Sally’s legs. But on the way through he caught his left side on her leg. Sally then spent the next 10 minutes trying to catch the cat. When she finally caught him it was too late. Hair remover works as well on cats as it does on humans and for the next few weeks we had a partially bald cat.

(252 words)

I Don't Want Too!

I appear to be working a life force vacuum. I walk into the building where I am currently employed and feel all energy and enthusiasm drain from my body. However, my emotions go haywire, especially the one that controls reactions to criticism.

On Tuesdays I go to Uni in the afternoon were I am studying for a Postgraduate Certificate in Writing. Poetry, as you know was giving me a few problems earlier in the semester, but I’ve got a handle on it now.

So anyway, yesterday morning I was at work having a meeting about forms. I have spent days of effort on these forms previously and am quite frankly sick to my back teeth of changing things back to how they were on the original forms. So after an hour and a half of talking about the title of fields, I needed to think about something else for just a couple of minutes before making the changes requested. So I thought I would quickly move a couple of pictures about in my visual poem (yeap…I’m thinking outside of words now) before saving and getting it ready to print when I got to Uni.

After about 30 – 60 seconds of this I turned around to see the Project Manager sitting on the desk behind me and he asks what I’m doing. I quickly explained. His response was, ‘the forms are of paramount importance at the moment, as are the rest of the communications. Your University work should only be done outside of working hours.’

You could have knocked me down with a feather, ‘cause he had just finished telling me about how great Midnight Oil was in concert when he saw them several years ago.

Fast forward to this morning.

I realised as I lay in bed listening to my alarm going off for the umpteenth time that I didn’t want to get up and go into the office. I hate how I feel when I’m there (drained, cold, muffled head, generally flu like) which takes hours to shake after I go home, the project I’m working on has no support from the director how engaged us and finally I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall with what I’m doing. What’s the point of playing the role of Change and Communications Manager when the project goal posts keep changing form day to day, hour to hour and some day there isn’t even a project?

(408 words)

Belly Dance Attempt

Edna and I were due to go belly dancing last night, but it was not to be. We got side tracked by the lure of cider and a blues band.

Proper Breaststroke

After a long day shopping and Dorising about with Edna in Bondi Junction Shopping Centre and Newton and a bus trip (another story – I went on a Bus, see below) I got home about 9.30pm and decided to try out one of my new swimming cossies (black Speedo) and my sexy new blue goggles (Speedo Mariners). I swan 26 lengths tonight, not my usual 50, but then I did at least 20 of tonight’s in proper breaststroke, you know where you put your head underwater and breath on the up stroke. It is much harder and faster than the way I have been swimming over the last few days, which has been the ladies ‘don’t get the top of you head wet’ type of swimming.

Anyway, I did 26 (a combo of breast strokes and back stroke) lengths in 18.5 minutes.

(137 words)

I went on a Bus!

After wandering around Bondi Junction for a few hours on my own and then with Edna, purchasing goodies such as cossies, work clothes (see her blog for that tale), make up and a snazzy new fountain pen for me, we decided to go to Newton and look in Reactor Rubberwear, Wildthing and Gallery Serpentine. All fall into the category of ‘bad’ shops for me, (bad shops = likely to spend money in them, good shop = not like to spend money in them).

Because my hubby had the car for the day we were required (by distance) to take public transport, options were Train or bus. Edna opted for the bus, so I dug deep for some change and followed her on. It seems that people don’t queue anymore so I was jostled before I finally got to ask for a ticket. The bus was nearly full so we were seated separately. After 10 yards the bus stopped again and another 40 people tried to squeeze in, including an old lady. My manners being what there are, meant I offered her my seat, which meant I was now forced to stand in the ‘No Standing’ area near the rear doors.
Another 10 yards, 1 person got off, 10 got on. How many people can they fit into the sardine can. No wonder they have those little hammers above all the windows!

We finally made it to the spot were we had to change buses. Buddha on a bus! After all there were no bicycles involved. I had to walk to another stop and wait nearly 15 minutes for the connecting bus.

When the next one arrived, it was partially full and we had the luxury for a few yards of putting our shopping bags down. But it was not to last, for at the next stop we were shuffled down to the back of the bus to hang on for dear life. I was starting to get a little comfortable when we swung into a corner that saw me slowly leaning back, trying not to lose my footing, as I was forced to lean further and further back by the way the driver took the corner. I couldn’t see the face of the woman in the seat behind me, but I’m pretty sure she was panicking that I was about to land in her lap. I didn’t, but soon after I found a spot to wedge myself so it didn’t happen again.

We arrived at our location at the top of King Street and Enmore Road to be rewarded with yummy ice cream in Dolce and Gelato.

(437 words)

Back to Swimming – Week One

On Wednesday in ‘Migraine Repair’ I mentioned I had been swimming for the first time in ages and I’ve been again yesterday and today, so I’ve decided to keep a mini journal about my progress. That way, I will have to keep going ‘cause buddies will nag if they don’t see the new figure/s (won’t you Miss E and Edna?) I’ve even decide to invest in a new goggles and cossie ‘cause I worked out that the little navy blue Speedo number I’m using at the mo is getting on for 12 years old. Not bad that I can still fit into it, but time for retirement I think.

On Wednesday I did about 40 – 50 length spread over about an hour and twenty minutes, with lots of aqua aerobics between lengths
Yesterday, Thursday I did 50 or 52 (I lost count about 26) in just over an hour, not as much poncing about.
Today, Friday, I took my stop watch with me, ‘cause I wanted a proper benchmark and I did 50 in 40 minutes. I had to really push through the last 10, espaililly the last 5 as my shoulders were feeling the ‘burn’.

The pool in a 20 metre lap pool.

(203 words)

List of Ten

After a brief IM chat with my buddy Edna late last night I thought I would share something. We all have celebs that given the chance we'd spend time with, fool around with or even at a push, get down and dirty with.

While I understand tecnically it's only supposed to be a list of five, I have real trouble with that number so I doubled it. I figure with 10 I have more chances.
Here's my list and this is in no particular order (I've even incuded a little montage for your viewing pleasure ;-)

Hugh Jackman
Val Kilma
Clint Eastwood
Robbie Williams
Kevin Bacon
Gale Harold
Sam Rockwell
Rob Thomas
Jeff Bridges
Jimmy Nail

Now...Who's on your list? I want to add one more... I know this makes me really greedy as my tag line says...It's my blog!

Christian Bale

ANTM 7-4

Monique and Melrose were at each others throats this week, brought about Monique wipes her pants on Melrose’s bed covers. Ewk!

The challenges were all about runway walking and started with a tightrope practice, then walking on cobble stones on heels. Ankles were twisted. The winner of the cobble stone challenge got to pick 3 friends to go and walk at a charity fashion show in Austin, Texas. So AJ, CariDee and Megg got to meet Dennis Quaid.

The photo shoot was a runway shot with the photographer at the end. The runway was across the middle of a swimming pool. With the panels of the runway moving underfoot it was only a matter of time before one of the girls slipped off. And Eugena was that girl!

Monique was sick, so didn’t partake in the photo shoot

Tyra was looking sassy in a denim long line corset, while Twiggy wore purple.

Monique and Eugena were in the bottom two. Monique went home.

Migraine Repair

I had to leave work early today. I woke up this morning with a blossoming migraine which meant I spent the first few hours at my desk looking like a diva with sun glasses on at my desk. I got home just before 12 (had to cancel my lunch date with Katie Kate) and went to bed. I lay there in the dark for a couple of hours before deciding to try some different to drugs and sleep. Granted I had taken the drug earlier, but something new was on the cards.

I went downstairs to the pool for a gentle swim. It was quite down there, funnily enough I was alone at 1.30 in the afternoon and I slowly swam laps. I total I did about 50 which ain’t bad considering I have done NO real exercise since I broke my arse bone in June, or was it July, can’t remember.

Then I sat in the spa for about ten minutes (very relaxing), then I lay in the Sauna for a while until some pillock turned of the heat. I was laying there all warm and cosy thinking about a story I might like to write when I could feel it getting colder. So Now i'm back at home teling you about my revalation into migaine healing.

Now I’m feeling dull, but not painful. So I think it worked a little! Just off to bed…see ya later.

I Heart Robbie

I am now the proud owner of Rudebox, the latest offering from the stud muffin also known as Robbie Williams. I’m listening to it now for the umpteenth time since I handed over my $24.95 yesterday.

I have of course come to the conclusion that he has completely lost the plot, but that’s just one of the reasons why I love him. It has some great beats thats gets the shoulders bopping and a great cover of Kiss Me by Stephen Duffy. He reminisces his way through the 80’s and 90’s with witty tales of sex, drugs, smoking and joining Take That. Of course it has Rudebox and Lovelight on it, but once again it’s the really personal songs that are the best.

But my favourite has to be Good Doctor, it sounds a bit like Cat Empire, but very funny and I love the following lines
‘Robbie Williams take one Adervil with water in the morning’, He wants me to take one tablet, I’m Keith Moon, DICKhead’.
‘That’s right if I take them for more than four day in a row I get that haunted look,’ and the closing line, ‘No St. John’s Wort ‘cause I can get that at Boots.’

These are just a few of the great one liners throughout the album.

Cityscape

I've been at it again...poetry class is tomorrow and I have to hand in 10 new poems in two weeks. What'ca think?

Birds fly above in sky,
Seagulls, minors and sparrows.
Feeding on the wing, dining
out on insects that flutter.

The taxi’s nip both in/out,
the bus stops on the bell,
on coloured lights, traffic flows
white lines shine, the way ahead.

High heels tap out a beat
slipped over fishnets or socks
Shoulders bear and jackets on
sequined tops, casual tees.

Eatery doors wide open,
scents assault the senses
noodles, sauce, garlic, love
patrons sat in windows, eat

Watching, I stroll the street
aware of descended light
A wonder how much the same
the street in day, now night.

Quotes

Whilst searching for funky change related quotes today I came across these that I thought I would share with you;

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
E. B. White (1899 - 1985) best known for writting Charlotte's Web

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
E. Joseph Crossman

Hellfire October

I went out with my buddy Sam, to Hellfire last night. I got kitted out in fishnets, black pants, white corset and black tail coat. I even had a funky cane (made myself with a piece of doweling rod painted black with a brass doorknob) and coachman hat. I looked rather dapper if I do say so myself. Sam was dressed as a school boy, down to the blue and grey striped sports socks, ruler and note pad with lines.

Some smart arse on Oxford Street made a ‘Cabaret’ comment as we where crossing the road and I was very dignified and ignored him. Until another comment came from him that resulted in me calling him a prick!

Anyway, in the club the music was pumping and my fellow fetishists were out in force. Lovely buxom ladies and skinny ladies in corsets made from leather, PVC and rubber and well as classic satin, big guys quite happy to expose growing bellies and bear chests under their harnesses. Skinny guys dressed head to foot in rubber and every other form of fetish wear you can imagine. Dog boy was there as usual, walking around in nothing but a leather g-string and dog collar carrying his bowl. I love it…it’s a place were you can be yourself and no one judges!

Over a few drinks Sam and I people watched (as we do) and then we each chatted to others around us (as we do). I met a guy who was there on his own, dressed in all black, no rubber or PVC, just cotton and as it turned out a foot fetishist. He told me that the first time he came he got really drunk, ‘cause he was embarrassed, then proceeded to fall asleep, but because he managed to hold his beer upright he wasn’t kicked out This was his second tie and he was still relatively sober. He was single and when I asked if had any mates he could bring, he replied ‘It’s hardly something you bring up while watching the football “Hey, I’m into feet, anyone fancy coming to Hellfire with me?”’

I was impressed with one first timer. He was dressed up as Wally (Waldo if you’re from the US). Blue trousers, red and white sweater and red and white bobble hat. He told me he was into being dominated when asked him about his choice of costume, when I asked ‘what’s that got to do with Wally?’ he replied, ‘well he’s lost and just wants to be found.’

(422 words)

My Stories

I updated my stories page today with a couple of new naughty stories. Enjoy!

ANTM 7-3

There was lots of eye rolling from Jay M. this week during the makeovers followed by a major bollocking!

The first task was to select makeup, wardrobe and accessories while rushing for a lift (elevator), Megg missed the first one and Monique missed the next meaning that Monique was nasty for the rest of the night, which meant she spent nearly three and a half hours on the phone.

It was the funky hair shot that saw the potential in the girls. Melrose who played diva last week shone, as did twin Amanda.

Megan and Jadea were in the bottom two, newly blonde Megan went home.

(106 words)

Job Interview

No Apologies, but this one may offend those with Religious beliefs!

I went for a job interview today. It was to work on major 2008 event in a senior position. I have to confess to being tempted by the lack of support resources, 10 hour days, pathetic pay and no life for two years to have such an event on my CV (resume) until I was told I would have to sign a Code of Ethics Declaration. The guy interviewing me told me that they had not engaged a graphic design house because they had worked on the Gay Games and a woman had been fired ‘cause she was divorced.

I walked away thinking to myself ‘Are you kidding me? My best friend is gay, and I regularly go to gay bars with him and his partner (proud to be a fag hag) and I go to fetish clubs, my mother is divorced and married three times.’ When I got back to my current office I looked up this Code of Ethics on their website and found that it must also be disclosed if you are on the contraceptive pill (tick), and it would be considered harmful to have any associations with (among other things) pornography (I write BDSM erotica), serious credit card debt (it’s a lot but not unmanageable) and have/or have had depression or other psychological disorders (three years on Zoloft, thank you for saving my life).

After looking at the Code of Ethics I looked up the 10 Commandments (I couldn’t remember them all) and thought I would share my thoughts on a few of them;

Thou shalt have no other gods before me
What about Budda, Shiva, Mohammad and all the other gods worshipped by other cultures around the world? I think they all have something to good to say, but I worship none. I believe Do unto Others and be a good person.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images
I love taking pictures of graves and think the Iron Maiden album covers are the best.

Thou shalt not take the name of the lord thy God in vain
Christ on a bicycle, how would we exclaim horror without it! (thanks E for that one;-)

Honour thy father and thy mother
I do honour my mother and all of her three husbands, all of whom I credit with being a father to me.

Thou shalt not kill
Not even white tail and funnel web spiders and dry-goods moths?

Thou shalt not steal
I haven’t done that since I stole a bar of soap from a chemist and hid it under the fridge. The cat rumbled me and I had to take it back and apologise.

So… I have called my agent, told him I’m a depressed killer, contraceptive taking, fag loving, leather wearing thief, child of divorce, heathen and would therefore be unable to sign the Code of Ethics, Thank you for the opportunity.

Don’t you just love the understanding, tolerant nature of the Church?

(495 words)

UPDATE 10.10pm 23-10-06 : I just relised a little while ago the irony of all this. The Pope is coming to Sydney and wil be saying Mass for upward of 250,000 people in a place made for gambling (Randwick Racecourse) and gambling was one of things on the Ethics thingy!

Apple Crumble

After last weeks classes, I was inspired to try something a bit different. I wrote a little thing about apples. It was really tame and uninteresting, so I tried again, and again, and again. I rewrote my little apple poem 8 times before it turned ito the form you see below. When I showed it to my lecturer today, he liked it!

Bowater Frank

Whilst in the loo at work today (as a mere mortal I have to visit the smallest room ;-) I noticed that the toilet roll holders are provided by Bowater and it made me remember a date I had many moons ago…

I was in my late teens and I had been single for a little while, working as I did in a military barracks and not wanting to be the camp bike, I had made a rule not to sleep with any army personnel. So I responded to a Personal Ad in the local paper in the newspaper instead. So much better, don’t you think? I did, but then my 19 year old brain told me it was better at the time. Now, with the benefit of hindsight I would have taken my chances with the fit army officers, but hey, we all know hindsight is a bitch!

After many letters and phone calls (before the days of email) with ‘Frank’, we decided to meet and take our dogs for a walk. He lived about a 20 minute drive from me, owned his own home, was 29 and was an accountant for Bowater Scott. So, on the day in question he arrived at the appointed time for the little jaunt with our dogs. I had Ben, the German shepherd, he had Jock the dachshund.

I invited him in and he sat in the kitchen with Jock on his lap talking to me and my Mum (yes…my Mum grilled him too), before we set of on the walk. Kingley Vale was our destination, it’s a big hill (Ordnance Survey Grid Ref: SU821103) with a Viking burial mounds on the top, spectacular views and is quite a good workout.

Now you have to do some work…image, we are half way up the hill, the dogs are having fun, we are kinda getting on when he slips on some mud and lands on his arse!

What do you do? You don’t do what I did, which was bust out a laugh before catching myself then rushing to console him. The rest of the walk was spent in relative silence and I never heard from him again.

But for some reason every time I see a Bowater loo roll dispenser I think of him and his little dog and wonder if it was the laugh or the lack of things in common that drove him away. I’ll never know, but I do know that he will be with me whenever I go to the loo while working here!


(403 words)

13 Things...

1. Paraskevidekatriaphobia is the official name for a fear of Friday the 13th
2. If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck (Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names).
3. There are 13 witches in a coven.
4. To the ancient Egyptians, life was a quest for spiritual ascension which unfolded in stages, 12 in this life and a 13th beyond, thought to be the eternal afterlife. The number 13 therefore symbolized death.
5. Twelve gods were invited to a banquet at Valhalla. Loki, the Evil One, god of mischief, had been left off the guest list but crashed the party, bringing the total number of attendees to 13.
6. The Bible tells us there were 13 present at the Last Supper. One of the dinner guests/disciples, betrayed Jesus Christ, setting the stage for the Crucifixion.
7. You should never change your bed on Friday; it will bring bad dreams.
8. Don't start a trip on Friday or you will have misfortune.
9. Ships that set sail on a Friday will have bad luck – as in the tale of H.M.S. Friday ... One hundred years ago, the British government sought to stop the superstition among seamen. A special ship was commissioned, named 'H.M.S. Friday' They laid her keel on a Friday, launched her on a Friday, selected her crew on a Friday and hired a man named Jim Friday to be her captain. To top it off, H.M.S. Friday embarked on her maiden voyage on a Friday, and was never seen or heard from again.
10. A poll of 7361 shows that 56% are not at all superstitious, 26% are just a little bit superstitious and 17% are freaky Friday about it.
11. The original Friday the 13th movie was made in 1980 and had the tagline of ‘Fridays will never be the same again’.
12. Friday the 13th on which one breaks a mirror, walks under a ladder, spills the salt, and spies a black cat crossing one's path could be considered the unluckiest day of all.
13. Unlucky Friday + Unlucky 13 = Unluckier Friday.

Hot, Hotter, Hottest

Today in Sydney it is hot! But unlike a normal Sydney day it is 30degrees plus with very little humidity. It is devine.

Roll on Summer.

Update 13/10/06 2122 : It's over 26degrees still and the moths are playing kamikarzi with the windows.

Is It Just Me?

I was in the local café this morning ordering my large fruit salad (I’m being good at the moment) and a girl shouted over my shoulder to the guy who was serving me ‘you got any croissants with strawberry jam?’ The guy was extremely polite and said no before she huffed off without another word.

Now as I sure you know, I’m quite tolerant of rudeness ;-), but that was out of order. It was like the girls in the café at Uni the other day. As they got up they knocked a glass to the floor and it broke. They just left it, didn’t say a word. Shortly after a student came along, being poor he couldn’t afford shoes and he very nearly stepped in the broken glass. It was cleaned up promptly by a mightily pis*ed off proprietor.

So the question is this; Is it just me that thinks these things are rude?

Ohh…and in case you are wondering, I don’t spend as much time in café’s as this entry would suggest. 2-3 minutes tops for my fruit salad each morning and about 10 minutes waiting for my lecture to start on Tuesday ;-)

(196 words)

ANTM 7-2

13 went into a house with only 11 beds. Monique spilled water on one to mark it as her own by telling the other girls she wet herself. Melrose turned into the house mother by cooking dinner and telling them they had to wash up.

Catwalk exercise and a photo shoot that explored ‘Model Sterotypes’. Anorexic, druggy and dumb blonde …

Christian went home. Melrose was really close to it!

Wikipedia and Official sites.

The Mystery of the Bearded Lady

Since I started my poetry classes I have been trying to write a short poem about ladies that don’t exercise some sort of hair removal on their top lip or chin. I confess to sometime getting a stray hair on my chin (now I’m older) and have taken to carrying tweezers in my handbag. If I ever have the same on the top...off to S I go, and it will become part of the usual wax works.

Anyway...in my classes there is a mix of ladies, both young and old and I am amazed by the amount whom have this massive amount of growth that they just leave. One lady in particular is always dressed immaculately and from what I know about hair, spends a lot on hers. Last night she was sitting next to me and talking, the light caught her just right to trigger a ‘da dah’ moment and I wrote this ;-) Odd subject for a poem I know...but it made me chuckle!

Thin painted lips,
but nothing disguises
the moustache that pushes forth
on the top lip
that should be soft and smooth.

Bleach has been tried and tested true
the tips show light
the shadows cast makes it
spiders legs, hairy and eight

If it were legs
or the pits of the arms
be shaved, waxed or peroxide blonde.
My guess is wax or the razor,
so why not wax the face?
Whiskers favoured.

These boots...

...are NOT made for walking!

But as you can see, the Polish brothers got it all sorted in the end.

I got to spent Saturday night in the bush. There was a full moon and refreshingly clean air. I was inspired (as I find myself often these day) to write something about it and sat out bu the pool and wrote the following;

Moonlit Night

It’s daylight now
the moon is bright,

the shadows stretch,
long fingers creep.

Ruffling feathers
in tree tops height,

cicadas hide,
hidden from view,

frogs chorus loud
crescendo deep.

Bright eyed bunny
with rays shining.

Stillness surrounds
crystal clean air,

crisp with freshness
sends chill to bones.

Nocturnal beats
scurry and hide,

ground dwellers run
aware of flight,

mosquitoes bite
feasted on flesh.

Interrupted.
By none and some,

Stars dimmed for once
lunar out shone.

It’s back , It’s season seven …

…of American’s Next Top Model!

Yes... and my apologies in advance for mentioning it once in a while or more often.

I know that we are a few weeks or months behind when it was originally broadcast and the season is probably already finished…I can’t give you a link just yet ‘cause I don’t want to see who makes it through the first couple of rounds.

Cyndel from LA was one of the first 33 to go when they did the first cut down to 21. She stood in front of Tara, and the two J’s and said that her job as a stripper was just like modeling.

From the 21 girls Evita, wife and mother of two went home, as did Ginger. Just 18 and from a strict religious background, she wouldn’t pose for more than two shots in the buff. The next cut left us with the final 13.

So the playing field looks like this;
Amanda 18, tall skinny and blonde, one of twins
Anchel 19, tall skinny and dark, Indian in fact, she has a problem with self esteem and cries a lot.
A.J. 20, not so tall skinny and very short dark spiky
Brooke 18, tall skinny and blonde.
Caridee 21, tall skinny and blonde. Possibly this years Jade.
Christian 19, tall skinny and dark
Eugena 21, tallish skinny and dark.
Jaeda 18, tall skinny and dark
Megg 18, tall skinny and wavy blonde. A rock chick.
Melrose 23, tall skinny and blonde. Her name is Melissa Rose, but she don’t need the issa! Possibly this years Jade.
Megan 22, tallish skinny and short blonde.
Michelle 18, tall skinny and blond, twin number two.
Monique 19, tall skinny and dark, the youngest of four children and her mother has always made a point of telling her skin is too dark.

All together now...frame the face!

(306 words)

Birthday Pictures

I spent the day doing nothing but dreaming and taking photos of flowers and things around the house. Prehaps my buddie Edna is correct...I am get sentimental in my old age...or maybe it's just mental!

Pink bottle brush

Waratah

Charlotte - is a house spider, she will do you no harm and has taken up residence next to and on the loofer that never gets used.

Bertie was one month old yesterday, so I thought you might light to see an updated picture of him.

For my bithday I got a leather desk blotter, 'cause I do a lot of writting on paper with a fountain pen as well as here. A massive book of all the stuff ever written (that we know about) by Shakspeare, 1001 Movies you must see before you die, I've been through and marked the ones I've seen already (it didn't make a dent in teh amount I still have to see) and a 2GB USB key. I also got something I never wanted in my house 'cause I am of the belief that even Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie would look crap on one, but somehow my repeating this over and over and over didn't sink in, so I also got a Webcam.

I also wrote a poem today...it's a work in progress, but please feel free to tell me what you think...

Going Bush

Light

City smog
Blinding lights
Honking horn

Out of the city
Driven to remove
myself from the noise
the lights and hussle
bustle. Freeway north.

The lights fade to nothingness,
rumble of the road beneath,
the window down, air flows free
country road winds to the left
winds its way deeper into dark,
dark that sees the shadows dance
floating on wheels, mopoke sings

Jasmine floats in air, clearing the mind.
The city left behind tonight, to
escape the bonds of the day to day.
Relax with the rustle in the trees
wallabies and possums freely bound
under the moons watchful light, sweeping
breeze watfs chinese tea from the bushes
smells of burning wood invade, clearing,
thoughts of tranquility here tonight.

Music and Feelings

Over the last few days I have spent quite a bit of time in the car and have been listening to CD’s and the radio. I’m stunned and at the way the songs seem to speak to me a lot more than they used too. Maybe it the poetry stuff I’ve been doin’ but maybe it got something to do with my state of mind at the moment.

Some songs speaking to me are ; ‘Sorry’ by Madonna, U and Ur Hand by P!nk, This is How a Heart Breaks by Rob Thomas, Bad to the Bone by I’m not sure, She’s always a Woman by Billy Joel, Feeling Good sung by Michael Buble and Oh very Young by Cat Stevens. But then anything by Cat Stevens is the best…so that’s not new.

What songs are speaking to you?

Update 10.50am 5th October : The Worst Hangover Ever by The Offspring seems to be meaning more to me too...I'd forgotten about that one!

Happy Birthday

...to me!

At 10.40am on this day in 1972 I was born in Chertsey, UK.

Well done Muv for giving birth to such an absolutely fabulous chick!

I'm the cute chickie wearing the hat in the bath! I think I'm 3 in this shot...a style guru in the making.
The other one in my older, smelly footed brother.

The First Results are In!

I just got my results back from my Poetry portfolio handed in for marking. I handed in 6 poems (including the ones on here in earlier entries) I got a Credit. No quite a distinction, but better than a Pass and way better than a fail.