The Rundown of the Putdown (alpacas involved, always long)

Once Saturday had started (at the crack of lunchtime) the day was extremely pleasant and relaxed. Just what I needed after a hard week at work (making up education puzzle and reading gay porn) to recover and refresh myself for this week when I have a new Project Manager starting.

Experience tells me this is never good. Every time I have been involved in a change of PM half way through a project it has always ended with me being out on my arse. Not because I’m bad (at least I never been told that) but because of working styles or requirements. Actually having written that I sound like I am crap! Anyway, that’s a different story by the sounds of it.

Back to my weekend.

Saturday, lunch was followed by a spot of shopping at the Junction of Bondi shopping centre. We, that would be Hubby and I took complete advantage of Westfield and managed, purely by chance, to get back to the car park in 1hour and 57 minutes. Free Parking for us. Thank you very much.

At 6 o’clock we were due to met Edna for dinner and then on to the Moonlight Cinema at Centennial Park, the first of many Birthmonth celebrations. I met her, but hubby remembered at the last minute that he had to do the Treasurers report for the alpaca meeting the following morning. So he joined us at about 6.45. By which time Edna and I had over analysed boys, their motivation and why they smell so good (at times).

The movie was Casino Royale, Hubby and I had already seen it but Edna hadn’t and was keen to make her mind up about a ‘ging-er’ Bond. As it turns out he is now up there with Timothy Dalton as her favourite. (I never said she had any taste in Bonds).

On the way back to the car and killing time before joining the back of the queue getting out of the park Edna spotted movement in a tree. Further inspection resulted in her seeing a flying fox for the first time ‘in the wild’.

After dropping Edna of at home, Hubby and I debated the merits of getting up at 6.30am on a Sunday morning to drive for three hours to a meeting were it was highly likely we were going to be subject to some form of abuse, whether it be subtle and covert or obvious. We decide that we couldn’t leave our El Presidente to fend for herself and resolved ourselves to five hours sleep.

We arrived in the heart of the Hunter Valley and the alpaca farm where the meeting was being held with two minutes to spare. We had stopped for an emergency Maccas (egg and bacon McHash brown, more fat than I normally consume in a week but yummy and fortifying), which had slowed us down by ten minutes. The Committee meeting was fine; we were in the garage while those attending the OGM gather outside in the carport. We made decisions, and all got along nicely. At five to eleven we close that meeting and moved towards the OGM. Hubby went outside, then came straight back in and said, ‘Have you taken your drugs, she’s here.’

After downing my daily dose of Atacand and Zanidip I braced myself and walked out. She was there. The Cantankerous Old Bat (COB) and her Short Husband (SH) had placed themselves in the back row and centre. As anyone who knows anything about public speaking/teaching the snipers always, always sit centre back. That means they cause maximum destruction and everyone has to turn around to look at them when they speak.

The meeting starting and proceeded peacefully until it came to the Treasurers report. Hubby presented his report and announced the region had a massive amount of cash in the bank. Then COB stands up and starts speaking, sorry not speaking, barking she launched into a tirade about how the trade debtor’s amount from November had changed from the November report to this report and that it was all wrong. When Hubby said ‘I can explain’ she started shouting that he was wrong, it was all wrong, he did the books wrong and anything he said would be wrong. Hubby tried to respond, she ignored him, she even ignored other members saying, ‘I would like to hear the Treasurers response’.

It all got messier, when Hubby stood up, pointed in a down motion and shout ‘COB, why don’t you just sit down and shut the f*ck up!’

At this point another member leap up and shouted ‘Mind the language please, there are children present,’ referring to a 13 year old. Another demanded an apology. Hubby agree and apologised to all present except COB. Then he said, ‘If I’m doing such a sh*it job, I will not continue. I resign!’ and walked out.

After a little pause, a few gasps and discussion on the lack of a Treasurer to continue reporting it was decided to move to the next item on the agenda, The Newsletter report.

I was up.

I gave my report, asked for submissions, gave deadline dates and announced that as of the end of the financial year I was resigning due to other commitments. Out of teh corner of my eye I could see her smirking.

Then it was my turn to be barked at. Unfortunately, as Hubby had already left I had to stand there and take it, but I shut her down. When SH muttered ‘bribery and corruption,’ regarding free advertisement to make up for errors and in payment for articles, I said (without looking at him) ‘This is standard process in the publishing industry’.
‘How would YOU know about that?’ was shouted
‘I have been published in several non-alpaca magazines and I’m studying for a Master in Writing.’
‘
As the meeting continued I was shaking. The hostess returned, after leaving at the same time Hubby and she had been crying, but was still white.

General Business was called and COB got stuck into me again about the 2007 Regional Calendar. This time, she seemed to step over an invisible line for many members when she stated that everyone who had sponsored a month was unhappy. (incidently, she neither sponsored or had animals involved) A couple of sponsors were there and one stood up and said, ‘I am extremely happy with the calendar and my ad. It was made clear to me from the start that my details would not appear under a picture of my animals.’ This must be the way to tell someone to shut the f*ck up when you're in the Salvation Army. It worked, so I’m not complaining.

The meeting was closed a little time later after a few other things were discussed and by all accounts COB and SH left without saying goodbye to anyone. I was inundated with people apologising to me for her behaviour. Why do people do that? It’s lovely and makes you feel loved and cared for, but why, ohh why do we do it? I do it too. I found myself saying sorry to the hostess for COB’s appalling attack on my Hubby. Hostess took lunch out to him while he was still sat in the car, while I fielded support at the house, for two hours. One lady, in her fifties with braids, who always attends meetings and never says a word, came up to me and said ‘If she’d spoken to like that, I’d have lumped ‘er one’.

In all we spent fourteen hours, that we will never get back, discussing alpaca politics. Not alpacas and their cute big brown eyes and nice soft fleece, but politics. Trust me when I say it’s not nearly as entertaining as having your foot broken.

(over 1000 words, sorry! ;-)

Swimming 11 & A Night Out with Trixy

Friday night before going I swam 32 lengths in 25 minutes of ladylike breaststroke.

After swimming I dressed and went over to Trixy's place for a couple of glasses of rather fine wine. While he dressed in leather pants and a blue US Navy vest, I waited in my school skirt, white shirt, red tie and black and white tartan corset. We caught a cab to VICE, and gossiped about the usual girlie stuff. I introduced him to the owner of the club and a few regulars and we had a game of pool.

Trixy is crap at pool. Better than me, but still crap:-) The others we played doubles with , were also pretty bad. One spectacular game ended when the Black was sunk. Which considering it took ten minutes to get the balls together between each game was a little disappointing.

A good night was had by all when we rolled in at 4.20am

One bad thing, at 6ish when I got up briefly, my heel cracked.

(150 words)

Swimming 10

30 lenghts of lady breast stroke in twenty-five minutes plus 10 minutes of aqua aerobics.

Nothing to see here...YET!

I went to the doctor today and my blood pressure is fine. So I rewarded myself by not going swimming and planning out the six weeks that hubbies parents are going to be here. They arrive on Monday 12th Feb in the evening, and trust me when I say the stress of that planning session used up several million more calories than half an hour of swimming ever would.

You may hear tales of woo over the next few weeks and my apoligies in advance. I'll try and make them funny :-)

(67 words)

iPod Mayhem

A combination of poor planning and forgetfulness meant that all my newly ironed work clothes got left in the bush last night when we drove back to the city. This meant, I had to beat the traffic (left office at four) out of the city so I didn’t spend my entire evening in the car.

I was given a gadget for Christmas that let me plug my iPod into the lighter thingy and play it through the car speakers. I know these things have been around a while, but I’m still impressed. I get to listen to the music I chose instead of rambling DJ’s who love their own voices, but have nothing to say (pot, kettle;-). I have chosen before to listen to Robbie all the way, ‘cause I Heart Robbie, of Madonna and sometime one of my playlist, such as Driving Songs (Hmmm…I wonder that could be?) or my romantic mix of songs that move me (include Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time).

Anyway, today I though I would try shuffle.

Between us, my hubby and I have been collecting CD’s since the LP and tape died. We have very different taste and the only CD that we have two copies of is Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds (I don’t count Kylie’s Fever ‘cause I brought the second copy in a bargain bin for ten bucks by mistake), his hobby for nearly two tears was backing all the CD’s up onto the computer, so give or take a few I have 8565 songs on my iPod. I think it works out at over a months continuous playing with no repeats (at an average 3.5 minutes per song, please feel free to correct me if my math is wrong).

I have leant today in my three hours in the car (apart from the fact I have a music collection a stereo type gay man would be proud of) that there are some shuffle follow on that are down right hilarious or perfect, some a bit odd and some, just wrong on so many levels it doesn’t bear thinking about.

Please look at the following and rate on a scale of 1-5 (with 1 being hilarious/great)

1. Monty Python, the Cheese Sketch – John Lennon, Give Peace a Chance

2. Bette Midler, When a Man loves a Woman – Fatbot Slim, Praise you – Right Said Fred, I’m to Sexy

3. Judy Garland, Somewhere over the Rainbow - Meatloaf, Bat Out of Hell – Enya, Anywhere Is

4. David Bowie, Changes – The Doors, Break on Through – Elvis Presley, Suspicious Minds

5. ABBA, I have a Dream – Benjamin Britten, Young Persons Guide to the Orchestra from Peter and the Wolf - ZZ Top, La Grange

(461 words)

(In case you’re wondering 1, 5, 5, 2, 4)

BP and Work Stress

I started back at work today and as some of you may know (and some of you may not care) I have a problem with my blood pressure to the point where I take lots of drugs (legal) to keep it at a nice even 120/80ish.

I have been on holidays since 22nd December, those of you that keep track of my little journal will know I have had a mixture of fun, relaxation and a scare or two but nothing could prepare me for this morning.

I got up at 8.15am, dressed, walked the four blocks to the office with a brief stop at the City Edge café to pick up a large fruit salad ($5 and I got a plum) for brekkie. I was in the office with my PC logged on by 8.45pm. Something of a miracle considering I haven’t dragged my arse out of my pit before lunchtime for the last ten days. Anyway, that’s another story ;-)

So…PC logged on, Christmas and New Year tales shared with my co-workers and I was standing by the printer picking up my latest creation when I came over all dizzy. I had to grab the printer to stop myself from falling. I slowly made my way back to my desk and dug out my portable BP monitor.

110/58!

Holy crap! It was only 10 o’clock in the morning and I had done nothing! All I’d done is walk to the office, chit chat a bit and print out work I hadn’t even produced in the office. This place has amazing healing powers it’s so chilled out and laid back! Well, maybe a bit too good. In all the weeks I have had off my BP had sat nicely at 118 -125/70 – 85 nothing so low my head span!

I knew it would be good for me to get back to work.

(313 words)

Swimming 9

Ok...it's been far to long since my last swim so today I started again with 20 lenght of lady breast stroke in 18 minutes

Exciting Day

Once again Australia Day has come and gone. A day were city dwellers flee the confines of concrete and block the major traffic arteries out of the city for the whole of the day before and at the end of the long weekend.

Once again Hubby and I missed the ferry races on the Harbour, the vintage car line up in Hyde Park and Macquarie Street and the 21 gun salute from Mrs. Macquarie’s Chair.

Instead we stayed in the bush and watched movies we’ve seen before. I wrote a couple poems, well actually I edited one and wrote a new Tanka. I also finished a book I’ve been reading on and off. The Further Adventures of Belle de Jour, a very cool book about an ex-London call girl. Her first book is about when she was on the game. I also ordered a few new books from Amazon, a couple of fetish books and a book of poetry by Christian Bok. I shall look forward to receiving the wisdom they have to impart.

(176 words)

Coastal Shopping Hell

I have had the luxury of spending most of January at the house in the bush. Now I love the quiet, undisturbed peace that resides in the bush. The boys, Puss and Newk have enjoyed the holiday too, Newk has lost a little weight, Puss has lost a lot.

Today, I had to go to the local shopping centre for sustenance, a duvet cover and to post the Alpaca newsletter. The rain (first for weeks) had brought all the freaky locals out to play and the car park was completely full, so I had to park in the mail zone first, then on the concrete end of a row a spaces. Thank goodness for all wheel drive.

Tuggarah has been the shopping centre that I’ve used for over four years. I’ve always found it to be a bit dodgy but recently I have started to notice how completely rancid it is. The last time I was there I had lunch and had the pleasure of seeing a heavily pregnant woman wearing yellow having a smoke and the guy sitting behind me had arse cleavage that you could park a bike in.

Today I saw a rather large lady wearing not enough clothing to cover a rather small lady, a spry chickie parking in the disabled spaces and gaggles of old and aging smokers gathered around the doorways but out of the rain. I dashed into the fruit and veggie shop and was stunned by the lack of urgency. Not that I was in a hurry, but a ten minute queue to pay was frustrating. I rushed away so quickly I forgot to buy cat food.

I also popped to Spotlight to buy a duvet cover. I picked one quickly, a miracle in itself ‘cause normally you can’t find anything, the place always looks like a bombs hit it and a shower is nearly always required after a visit because it’s so dusty. Anyway, I needed a duvet cover and a varnish brush and they sell ‘em cheap. I picked what I wanted an got in the queue. Twenty minutes later, the two older ladies had paid for their purchases and I made the mistake of asking how much the paint brushes were.

The girl behind the counter looked at me blankly, then at the brushes, she picked one up and scanned the barcode, then in a flash to ‘Little Britain’ she said ‘computer says no’ Apparently the brushes I had picked were not registered in the computer and she had to go find the price. A few more minutes and a queue snaking its way through the store and she was back.

I had a desire to drive really fast afterwards, away from the people, away from the coast, but I didn’t I resisted as I realized that deep down I like the hustle and bustle of the city. I need the speeds which operate there. I’ve been bush for too long and starting back to work on the 29th will not be a minute too soon.

(509 words)

Tagged

While searching for something completely unrelated I found a blog for a guy called Jeff Pulver. And he writes that as a blog reader you think you know the person you are reading about. The idea is to tell five facts about yourself that hasn’t been told in the blog and then tag five people to do the same…so here goes

1. I used to eat toothpaste as a child
2. I’m dyslexic
3. My favorite book is 101 Dalmatians by Dodie Smith
4. I have an IQ of 134
5. The old couple on the bed in Titanic always makes me cry even if I haven’t seen the rest of the movie.

Tag – Edna, Miss Eudoxia, The Other Andrew, and anyone else who cares to try…make sure you tell us your blog name in comments.

White Van Woman

On Tuesday I had to take the girls (alpacas, Wispa and Arabella) from their current home on a little spa retreat / shag feast. So I borrowed the white van, loaded them up and drove a little over 300kilometers south to a place called Canyonleigh and their home for the next three months.

But I find myself a part of a unique family. That of the White Van Man. When you drive a white van you all sense of yourself behind the wheel. You have to rely on the wing mirrors and leave plenty of time to maneuver with lots of indication. The only problem is that other road users don’t get that. And I, as a car driver normally am one of those people.

So I now have a respect for the White Van driver. Yes, I still think they drive like pricks, but then so do I when behind the wheel of a vehicle with limited visibility, slow mobility and zero air con.

(165 words)

I'm Lost!

On the advice of my addicted friend Edna I have just finishing watching the first season of Lost. While she is practically mugging the postman in the morning just in case another episode arrives from the UK (her ex is taping season 3 and sending it, as it doesn’t screen here until March or something) I have been watching and thinking ‘What were the creators taking when they came up with this show?’ Polar bears, invisible monsters, people stranded for 16 years, drug smugglers, unstable explosives and concrete pods buried in the jungle with a door and no handle. What the?

And why doesn’t anyone suffer from sunburn? Sawyer only had a couple of tubes of sunscreen. By the way…I love his glasses!

I kinda like the way they do the back stories for each of the main characters, and yet I still don’t really like any of them and if they don’t get of the island I wouldn’t care. More importantly I don’t think I’ll be hanging out for season two or three.

While I can see why people would love it, it has drama, comedy (golf course), gore (school teacher +nitro), mystery sexy ‘do anything’ chick (Kate) over acting (Claire) hysterics (Claire again), racial tension (Micheal, Jin and Syide), greasy bit of sexy rough (Sawyer) and of course heroics (Jack, Jack and ohh….Jack). I’ll stick to Alias, also created by JJ Abrams, it just feels a little more real even though it has all of the above!

One last thing, how come Hurley is still moohosive?

(256 words)

Just Shocking!

After a brief stop at the shops on the way home tonight, Hubby and I were driving north with a few lightning strikes going off somewhere in the distance to the left of us. As we continued north the frequency of the lightning increased, but it was still off to the left. When we turned of the freeway (to the left) we started heading towards it.

‘It’s miles away, no problem.’ My hubby stated as I continued to drive.

‘Ohh, that one was close.’ A few minutes later as I recover my eyesight from the flash bulb that went off in front of me.

‘You know, if the car was struck by lightning, the electric circuits would fry, the power steering would fail and the hydraulics of the brakes would stop working,’ he said several more miles into the trip, but still twenty minutes from home.

As I continued to drive, I leaned closer to the steering wheel, I’m not sure how it helped, but the stress levels in the car seemed to rise as the hairs on my arms did from the ionisation of the air. Several times the lightning was close enough to cause momentary blindness, and with 30-40 strikes a minutes it was less than comfortable.

Now…I’ve always liked lightning (for those of you who don’t already know it, I’m a bit odd!), but my experience tonight has taught me, driving towards it and amongst it, isn’t much fun!

When we finally got home, the strikes had eased somewhat, but I had to risk standing the minimal rain and try to get a picture to prove my tale. Out of nearly 600 (thank god for digital) I got six pictures.

Enjoy them ;-).

(269 words)

Shed your Skin

I’ve been a bit quiet since the whole NYE thingy-me-bob. Partially ‘cause I haven’t had anything positive to say, partially ‘cause I’ve been a bit busy trying to get out another Newsletter, despite being firmly in the ‘I don’t give a flying f*ck’ camp after all the calendar fuss back in November.

As you see...not a lot of positive stuff. Anyway, I was sat at the PC tonight, doing said newsletter stuff when Harry decided to supervise from the picture frame above and to the left of the monitor. I don’t have a problem with side-plate sized spiders, so I left him to it.

I looked up a while later and I realised he had been growing and was taking off the old restrictive skin to reveal the new shiny skin underneath.

I’ve decided to do the same...New Years is gone, I’m alive and as healthy as I’m going to be. The Summer issue is nearly finished and it looks sh*t hot, so moaning minnies, bring it on! The old skin has been shed, my new skin looks kinda groovy in cut off jeans shorts and I'm liking it.


UPDATED : 11.31pm 11th Jan 2007 - Huge Hairy Harry (aka Huntsman) - the spider is in the bottom of the picture, the old, shed skin is above.

(188 words)

Happy Birthday!

It has now been 3 days since my little trip to the hospital and I have to say I’m still feeling as rough as guts, but getting better. So this week, I have been mostly drinking Powerade.

I have been using this time to watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I’ve also been thinking...a lot! Buffy is my main stay of ‘feeling ick’ watching ‘cause she is quite frankly a chick that kicks butt even when she has a fever (Killed by Death, Season 2 Episode 18) And if I was to see any of the guys I suspect of doing this to me and Edna I would pin him up against a wall and beat the living crap outta him to the best of my ability, (of course, I would find out if they were the guilty party first;-).

My very own Buffy rabbit in the late 90's

The thinking part of my recovery has been caused by the dreams I’ve been having, I see myself slouched by a wall, naked and unable to move, people walk passed and laugh and point. Some ask ‘Is she dead?’ In reality, I don’t think it was much different, except for the naked part.

So is it a possibility that instead of opening presents with my husband for his birthday today, he could have been arranging my funforall?

(219 words)

The Day After, The Day After the Night Before

Christmas and New Year has come and gone for another twelve months and boy am I glad. I really am a bah-humbug kinda person with the holiday season. I believe it’s for kids and big kids, and I do not fall into either category (at least I don’t think so most of the time).

On Friday last week Edna and I went up to the house for the weekend. We spent time over analysing everything under the sun, including relationships, boy/men, programming and even how quickly wine evaporates once the cork has been removed. After singing ourselves to sleep to Moulin Rouge we woke on Saturday feeling a tad rough but in control. In the evening we went to Miss Eudoxia’s house for dinner. We ate enough food to feed the forty thousand between the six of up present and all of it was divine. Satay sticks, salt and pepper calamari, vol-a-vonts, roast beef with prawn and luscious creamy garlic sauce followed up with pancakes (crepes), strawberries and homemade Mango Ice cream. Thanks Miss E and Fireman Gaz for a lovely evening and introducing us to Master and Miss K.

Sunday, New Year Eve. We drove down to the city, showered, creamed our bodies with perfumed moisturises and prepared ourselves for a night of nights. At 7.15pm we walked into the Lowenbrau Bier Keller, where we were seated for dinner. At approx. 7.30pm our first bier arrived. 500ml (just over a pint) of Franziskaner Dunkel. We ate entrees, massive main and dessert all the while rating famous men on a scale of Pretty boy to Lorry driver. We came to the following conclusions;

1. There are way more Pretty Boys that are famous
2. Some famous people don’t rate being rated on the scale
3. The prettiest of pretty boys are David Beckham, George Clooney and Orlando ‘bloody’ Bloom
4. The bestest of the lorry drivers are Colin Farrell, Robbie and Bruce Willis

After dinner was concluded about 10pm (now two biers and two schnapps) we adjoined to the bar via the Nail Hammering competition. I was promptly disqualified, cause I hit the nail to hard and it bent. Ohh... well:-). We ordered another bier and another schnapps, we chatted with a few guys, including the English Tourist and avoided a couple, at about half eleven when we went outside and ohh and arhhed over the fireworks for twenty minutes or so.

Back inside at 12.45am. We ordered another bier, but I didn’t drink it ‘cause it was the wrong one and yucky, but I did drink the schnapps. Edna was sat next to the English Tourist from earlier, and suddenly I had to go to the loo...I was violently ill, but had the sense to clean the seat before leaving the ladies. I need water and I need it now! The security guard told me I had to leave...I need water! I was escorted up the stairs to the courtyard... I couldn’t see Edna and I could no longer see the stairs. I ping ponged across the courtyard and to the outside world...I need water...somehow I managed to cross the road before leaning on a pillar. I slid down the pillar no longer able to stand...I need water...before falling to my side and depositing the remaining contents of my stomach on the pavement...I need water...I got out my phone and somehow despite not being able to see the screen sent a text to Edna saying ‘outside opposite’. I put my phone back in my bag and tried to stand, I couldn’t, I was a rag doll, I couldn’t hold my head up, my legs would not move, I was leaning heavily on my right arm...I need wat...

‘Here drink this, you need water.’ A male voice said to me, placing a plastic cup of ice cold water in my hand. I drank it, I needed it!
‘Can you stand?’ he asked, I think I said ‘I need to walk home.’
‘I’ll make sure you get there.’ he said. I later found out his name was John and he was 18 and it was 5.30am. He did walk me home, bless his heart and brought me 3 litres of water, which I drank. He left me at my front door and I have no idea what we talked about the walk home except that he was at university, from a wealthy family (that was expecting him home) and that he had yet ‘to experience the love of a woman.’

After 5 hours of sleep I awoke to the phone ringing, it was Edna. She was home, but could not remember getting there. I had sent the text message at 1.45am.

I got out of bed and drank some water...it promptly reappeared. I drank some more and it reappeared again...this continued until about 2.30pm when I had a shower and on the advice of Miss E went to the hospital. I was severely dehydrated and after telling the nurse my story, they tested me for drugs. It was confirmed that someone had slipped me “rohypnal”. I was given an anti-vomit jab and sent home with instructions to drink plenty of water. So I did and watched Grease and Grease 2 until going to bed.

Today, I have slept and been to the police station. I’ve just ordered pizza. I will over analyse this state of affairs when I stop feeling so shite.

(894 words)

Chillin' Chrimble

It’s Christmas day and I’m home alone. Hubby has flown to the UK to see his Grandmother who is in hospital after hip surgery. My plan to relax, do nothing and watch telly with the cats by my side.

And that I did once I had dragged my backside from my pit. I showered and went for a walk into Chinatown, had sushi for lunch then sauntered home to watch Only Fools and Horses.

UKTV on Foxtel were having a special all day of OF&H so being English it was my duty...no, my honour, to sit and observe the traditional Christmas episode after Christmas Lunch.

I find it bewildering that the one day of the year that we are allowed, neigh, expected to sit and do nothing, most choose to have one of the busiest days of the year. I have a girlfriend who is having neighbours over for a champagne breakfast, followed lunch with her Dad then dinner with her in-laws. Another friend has chosen to visit someone she hasn’t seen for several years.

For me, it was relaxing. I spoke to those I wanted to speak to (mostly the cats), I ate what I wanted to (grilled haloumi with oregano and lemon) and watched what I wanted to watch (the world go by and OF&H). I know this isn’t everybody’s idea of ideal, but for me, just this year it was.

I hope you all had a wonderful day and that 2007 brings you all that you hope and wish for.


(253 words)

ANTM 7-11 & 7-12

Once again I’ve got a little behind in my America’s Next Top Model watching, it may be because I’ve been busy having a life! Christmas silly season has been well and truly good to me but not to my liver.

Episode 7-11

Caridee made out with one of the Spanish male models from the previous episodes, after dinner when they came around for dinner one night. The next day Tyra asked what they thought was the toughest criticism during judging. The girls all made stuff up, but Melrose, of course, kissed arse.

The challenge this week was the go-see. This is a casting test were the girls have to rush round and see as many of the 10 designers expecting them in the allowed time (in this case 4 hours). They are marked on, 1.Appearance, 2. Runway Walk, 3. Personality and 4. Portfolio. Once again Melrose won the challenge with 5 go-sees and being back on time. The twins were late and were disqualified. She picked Caridee as her companion to share her prize of a personal chef for the evening.

The Only active bullring in Barcelona was the location of the photo shoot with Nigel Barker (judge and fashion photographer) in charge. During the preparations while Nigel was waving a rod at the bull, Caridee asked ‘Did you just remove that from your ass from the last panel?’ Later she was chewed out by Mr. J in front of the other girls for showing lack of respect.

Michelle got a great review for her shoot, Melrose stuffed it up by being wooden and Caridee apologised but still screwed up the shoot.

The judging panel was a toughy. Each girl had to say who they thought had the most potential and who had the least. Melrose picked herself and Eugena. Eugena picked herself and Amanda. Caridee picked herself and Amanda. Amanda picked Eugena as having the most potential and Caridee as the least. Michelle picked Caridee and herself.

The Twins were the bottom two and Michelle went home after sacrificing herself for her sister who wants it more.

Episode 7-12

Flamenco lessons saw the paired up with four professional dancers. Eugena got the thumbs up from the teacher for picking up the steps so quickly. Amanda had two left feet. Miss J. joined them all for dinner and Melrose sucked up big time.

The next day they had to dance in full flamenco costume. Eugena did well and even managed to smile while dancing, proving finally that she can do more than one thing at a time. Melrose who ‘have my steps mastered’ forgot her steps. Eugena won the challenge and picked Amanda as her companion. Melrose pouted and then cried ‘cause she takes dancing very seriously and din’t like being judged. Then again, I would have cried too if I’d been made to wear a baby blue polka dot dress!
The girls where paired up to be water-nymphs for the photo shoot with Tyra coaching them. The water in the swimming pool was so cool all the girls had chatter teeth, but Caridee was treated for hypothermia.

With only four girls left, the bitchy comments have stepped up a notch with Eugena calling Amanda gangly and Melrose even shooting nasty looks during judging.

Judging panel saw Caridee and Amanda in the bottom two. Despite Michelle’s efforts last week, Amanda went home.

In next weeks season final Caridee, Melrose and Eugena fight it out for the title of America’s Next Top Model. And, you dear readers can breathe a sigh of relief at it all being over!

Merry Christmas!

(608 words)

Tarmac to Robbie Vol 3 (long, but the final part :-)

Monday morning passed us all (Edna, Hubby and I) by in a rapid movement of the eye. After the excesses of the previous evening and early hours of the morning, by the time we got out of the hotel it was lunchtime.

So we made our way out to Richmond and a place called Pearl on the recommendation of a friend of Edna’s. We were armed with a business card and nothing else except the comment of ‘it’s rather nice.’ So we walk through the door, dressed in jeans and t-shirts and the man at the desk says ‘How may I help you?’
‘Are you here for the restaurant?’
I have been told I looked at him blankly, but I was thinking - No, we’re here for the monkeys on bicycles -
He asked again, but this time hubby jumped in with the sensible answer to his questions ‘Yes, lunch, bar menu outside, fine. Thank you.’ Before steering me out to the table and away from the full-on three course extravaganza that was happening inside. While we waited to order we watched a very tall man in a grey suit park his black Mercedes in a No-parking zone and walk in. Our waiter informed us that he was the head of Village Cinemas and always gets a parking ticket with his lunch. The extremely lovely light lunch of Steak sandwiches and noodles (see picture) was delivered but our happy waiter, wine was drunk, but when wind started to impair our enjoyment we moved into the bar area for dessert and more wine to match. Orange Blossom ice cream and an obscene almond milk jelly was consumed by Edna, Turkish Delight with Rose ice cream saw its way slowly into my tummy and hubby had dumplings with three chocolates. It was all divine until we got the bill, but then we should have known we weren’t going to be having a $15 dollar lunch when we saw the Mother-of-Pearl walls.

A quick trip to Prahran saw Edna and Hubby relaxing in a pub drinking cider, while I nipped to the local Antique book store. They had a copy of an out of print book I have been eyeing for a while and now they don’t. It’s mine! ;-) A walk along Chapel Street revealed many treasures including this gem of a Greengrocers shop called Rocky's/

Back across town a couple of hours later, we had finally found somewhere to eat near the Telstra Dome. Trixy was there, Bob and Mick, so a table of six in the corner. Very nice food but it was all over too soon. We were off the concert. We left T,B and M to finish their food while we made out way to our seats high in the clouds and million miles from the stage. To be fair to the ‘special Inner Sanctum seats’ we had a really good view of the overall show.

Robbie Williams was fantastic! He looked wired, or maybe it was just knackered as this was his last tour of a world tour that has been going since the start of the year. I know he’s released another album in the time and had some time off, but he must be exhausted, poor baby. He danced, sweated, strutted, and sat his way through two hours of pure entertainment. He sang ‘Me and my Shadow’ with Jonny Wilkes and Kids with his back up singers. He put on his special Addidas white hoodie when he encored with Rudebox.

About halfway through the evening (about 10.15, he came on a 9pm) he was talking about the concert he did in Brisbane and how he’d been told off for smoking in the Non-Smoking venue. He said ‘I know this is a non-smoking venue too but let’s face it sometime I just fancy a fag’ then took a really long drag from his cigarette. He went on o say ‘This is for all the impressionable kiddies out there, I am NOT a role model!’ That’s Shane Warne’s job.’ The audience cheered and then chanted Warney for about thirty seconds.
He broke the record for a performance at the Telstra Dome with 66,500 people. The previous record is about 57,000.

GO ROBBIE!

The following morning we were a little worse for wear, but didn’t care too much. The concert had been fantastic and any dramas from the previous night were not quite forgotten but certainly not being dwelled upon except by the drama creator. Eggs Benedict (salmon and spinach) set us up for ta day of doing the rest of the things we wanted to do while in Melbourne. A trip to the Philatelic Centre, a picture of Purple Trees (jacaranda) a Christmas pressie purchase and a trip to Crown Casino. Edna lost $10 at Roulette, then I won $20 at Roulette, then I cashed in my chips (‘cause I couldn’t find a $5 Blackjack table) and gave hubby and Edna $2 each for the pokies. He won $18 and Edna won $12. So all in all we came out, up. A great end to an overall great long weekend.

Tarmac to Robbie - Vol 2

Once Hubby and Edna got back from the Best Eggs Benedicts in Melbourne I was prised from my pit, showered and dressed, then we all took off on out walking tour of the City of Melbourne. After perusing some very fine stores, such as Leghorn, a custom made tie and suit shop that we can’t remember the name of, an equally yummy jewellery shop in a side alley and the Lord of the Fries (a cup of hand cut chips with mayo that prompted an ANTM style photo shoot once again, the mayo was better than the self proclaimed ‘best chips in Melbourne’) before getting on the City Circle tram.

After seeing the Eagle that guards Docklands we walked through the ‘wetlands’ park which was more of a puddle. Edna and I relived our youth with a swing on the ehh… swings before I behaved like a complete bogan and rolled down the hill like a five year old. I think I may have regressed a few years too many! ;-)

The walk around the dockland took us passed the ‘cow in a tree’, which apparently represents drought and famine, whatever! To the New Quay and many bars, restaurants and ice cream parlours. The Bar was first, were we topped up energy levels with Magners and wedges at the James Squire Brewhouse were I also happened to prove my age by spilling Sweet Chilli Sauce down the front of my white top. After some examination and flashing to other patrons we moved onto having cones at the Limoncetto. Handmade ice cream in the flavours of Caramel, cherry, strawberry, mango and the special, which happened to be Lemon sorbet. Very Yum!

A kerfuffle with trams and a bit of over sun exposure later we arrived at David Jones for a tad or retail therapy. Hubby was also a tad, exasperated that is! Edna ended up purchasing a rather fetching burnt orange belted dress, while I replaced my sweet Chilli stained white t-shirt with a rather nice green shirt.

Dinner took place after a brief stop over at The European Bier Café. Were I thought Edna was going to have a fit when the barmaid tried to pour her Erdinger Dunkel into a glass quickly! After a brief education the barmaid was aware, but unimpressed, that despite the Germans being efficient, an Erdinger is poured slowly until just before the end when you swill the last liquid to mix the yeast before pouring into the glass to produce the head. We downed our drinks rapidly before running to the ‘Best Sushi Train in Melbourne’ for dinner.

Tomodachi, the self proclaimed ‘best sushi train in Melbourne’ may be the best train, but it sure isn’t the best selection or the cheapest. Apart from the Smoked Salmon/Prawn/eel/caviar/cress do-dad on a gold plate ($7.50) everything was pretty ordinary, and better at Sushi Bus on Oxford Street in Sydney, and we would have earned over 50 points at Sushi Bus towards our next meal.

Back to the Euro Bier Café for after dinner drinks and plenty Erdingers consumed before adjourning to our hotel suite with Pink and Red (lovely jubbly bubbly) in tow. Dancing to ‘Floorfillers’ ended the evening with daft dancing and a cuppa tea!

(533 words)

Tarmac to Robbie - Vol 1

After a fun ‘Santa in leather chaps’ trip to Hellfire on Friday night with Edna, we got up four hours after leaving to commence the long drive to Melbourne. We were starting a weekend long exodus to see Robbie Williams in concert. In the car was Hubby driving, me in the front passenger seat and Edna lounging in the backseat like the superstar that she is. We had snacks, drink and music!

Just as we turned onto Flinders Street someone asked ‘Are we there yet?’

Two hours later we arrived in Goulburn to see the ‘Big Marina’. This is more commonly known as the Big Merino and is a forty metre high concrete sheep on the edge of town and the only tourist attraction within 50kms. We saw the good s for sale before climbing the stairs to the lookout point on top. At the top of six flights of stairs we were treated to spy holes looking out over housing estates and boards filled with such gems as ‘dress your children in wool’ along with a picture of a child dressed in nylon going up in flames.

Two hours later we arrived at the next tourist attraction. The stunning, awe inspiring and shockingly small ‘Dog on a Tucker Box’. The sign on the Hume Highway, which was the size of a house directed us with only 500m to go. So with urgency we indicated to the right and made the turn. After driving around the car park, we found it. A fountain with a bronze dog sitting on a god damn lunch box! After a photo shoot that would put Americas Next Tip Model to shame we were back on the road.

Two hours later and after a brief nap for the passengers we arrived in Holbrook. A small town that has the National Museum of Australian Pottery, a craft shop and a 90 metre submarine. Not bad for a town 400kms for the nearest ocean. A brief stop and climb and drink saw us refreshed for the next few hours in the car.

After the submarine, we were convinced there could be nothing else to see in NSW, but we were proven wrong by the National Truck Drivers Memorial. Practically a Mecca for Edna, all we need is the Pretty Boys Memorial and we’ll be complete!

The NSW/Vic border came and went in the blink of an eye except the brief tourist photo shoot.

Suddenly Seymour was upon us. Actually it took 200kms, but every time we saw to the sign and shouted ‘Feed Me’. It was funny for about 100ks, then we played the Movie game which took us up to Glenrowan. A town known to be the place were Ned Kelly was finally caught, we managed to get a few good pictures of the Giant Ned before moving on! After all Ned and his blood soaked miniature pony auditioned for a 4th member of their gang here, so they were bound to be caught.
Just before dusk we finally rolled into Melbourne. Through the art lined highways and bad driving, we navigated our way to the hotel.

After dumping the bags we walked to the South Bank and consume sustenance. Edna tucked into Muscles in vodka and caviar. Hubby had Pan Fried Atlantic Salmon in ‘sauce’ and potatoes and I gnawed my way through the toughest Duck Breast in the south hemisphere. My advice would be that the Bistro Vite is anything but Quick!

(580 words)

Second Adolescence

It official, It seems I'm going through puberty AGAIN!

I went to see my ‘gal’ today for a spot of waxing before Christmas and we got to talking about the condition of my skin. Now, those of you that know, I’m 34, those of you that didn’t; now you do ;-). For the last couple of months my skin has been crazy spotty. Chin, nose, back, chest, even in my hair, it’s gross, trust me. It gets worse, twenty minutes after I’ve washed my face, cleansed, toned and applied a light moisturiser my face feels like I’ve got over zealous with the spray cooking oil.

It’s not even as if I’m eating crisps and greasy crap...I live on fresh fruit, rich rolls, veggies, sushi and meat (not a lot of chocolate although it does sneak in on occasion and I partial to jelly). And I drink getting on for two litres of water a day as well and green tea.

So, we were discussing my skin, what’s changed? New moisturiser? No. New shampoo? No. Are you having more sex? No more than usual.

Then I remembered, about three months ago I went off the pill due to my high blood pressure (the pill can increase bp), for the first time since I went on it when I was 14.

‘Well, that’s it then. You’re going through puberty, properly!’

I must make a Doctor’s appointment so she can put a stop to it.


(240 words)

I’m a Switcher

I switched to the new version of blogger. You need to have a Google account to sign in.

It takes a while to convert it, so I would suggest you don't press the 'convert' button at half past midnight just before a quick update.

Otherwise, I think it's the same so far.

An Accidental 4-Way over Lunch

Trixy is back in time for the Christmas party season having returned from a Stateside trip for Turkey Day and a family visit. The family part of the visit went well with his sister being pregnant with her second child, a brother that still loves him and a dad who spoke to him instead of watching the weather channel (see it’s not just me with a screwy family).

The rest of the trip went exceptionally well too. He went to Hugo Boss in George Town, San Francisco and got himself a couple of new suits and generally shopped up a storm, but then any girl would go shopping in San Fran. He also picked up a few other lovely young things. There was the bellboy who didn’t get cash as a tip and the three students who gave him a lift back to his exclusive hotel after a night out on the town, they asked what the room was like and he showed them. It must be a real bitch not being able to get a cab at 2am in Pennsylvania.

Over coffee we discussed the New Year, we’ve decided our Resolution for 2007 is to become Groupies!

I mentioned that I would like to see more pub bands and up and coming artists after looking at a copy of Drum Media, a free gig guide to Sydney, he told me what fun it is and how much fun he had when based in Melbourne. So, what with weight lose and exercise being so 2006, groupies for 2007 it is.

What's your New Years Resolution?

(260 words)

Drinking, Movies and Elephant Butts

My weekend started with a night out in Newtown with Edna and a few other from when I still worked at Statewide Speedy. We started in The Courthouse before moving to Zanzibar when we all got kicked out at closing. Quite a bit of alcohol was consumed, philosophies were debated, girls were pulled, girls were put in taxi’s and I was called a anthropologist by a cab driver. Got in at 4.30am.

At 11am on Saturday I rolled out bed feeling tired and sorry for myself before consuming the classic morning after fodder of a chicken kebab with barbeque sauce. Feeling much better I went to the movies to catch up on some of the flicks I’ve missed. So I treated myself to a visual feast of Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale in The Prestige. It was full of twists and turns and double crosses, making an unusual film in the current season of animation. On the way home we drove past Aussie Stadium and got a brief taste of Robbie.

Sunday started with a trip to Taronga Zoo. They opened a new exhibit about a month ago, five new Elephants arrived. We also saw chimps, spoonbills and silvery gibbons, crocodiles and ohh… yes elephants. Hubby caught me out with a dumb blond joke. We were walking along and he said ‘we can’t go there, ‘it’s sealed off!’ It took at least a few seconds before I realised we were walking past the seal tanks.

Sunday evening was rounded off with another trip to the movies to see Casino Royale. Were do I start without given you a plethora of spoilers, but I will say that why do Hollywood producers and directors insist of on f*cking with Bond. They’ve taken the girlie silhouettes away from the opening credits but replaced them with guys getting shot silhouettes being serenaded by an unknown singer. He’s blonde with the most piecing blue eyes, surely they aren’t real? No gadget collection point with bad jokes about lunch and he get injured! Bond doesn’t get injured! He does however, look very good in a dinner jacket as well as having a cute butt in trunks.

Why do they insist on treating Bond like a spy...he isn’t a spy, no spy would escape after a year in a Korean torture camp, swim across Hong Kong Harbour in his pj’s, walk into the Yacht Club soaking wet to be greeted by the manager with ‘Good Evening Mr. Bond, your usual suite?’

He’s a good darn super hero, do you see them dressing Superman in purple?!

(400 Words)

Jingle Balls

I was walking about the city last week and saw this -

I had to take a picture 'cause only in a country that celebrates Christmas when its hotter than the sun would you see a pair of baubles masquerading as testicles on a acupuncture points mannequin.

ANTM 7-9 & 7-10

I’m a bit behind, so you’ve got a double episode rundown.

Episode 7 - 9

Gabrielle Reece, model and volley ball player gave the girls a lesson in ‘Action Shots’ Melrose got stuck into Anchel right from the start about Achel’s unwillingness to get her kit off

James St James (Author and stylist) took the girls to the race track so they could take their own photos as they jumped/attacked their boyfriend for the day Stanton Barrett the Nascar Driver. Amanda won the challenge even though she stood on the bonnet of the car with 4 inch spike heels and scratched the paintwork.

Patrick Giardino was the photographer for the action photo shoot the was the first Cover Girl shoot. They were taken to a skydiving training facility, dressed as space girls and photographed for a composite foundation advert. Melrose mucked it up!

Judging saw Melrose not as confident as usual and Anchel wanting to go home.

Michelle and Anchel where in the bottom two, Anchel went home. Caridee cried.

6 to go

Episode 7 - 10

After a brief but shocking acting workshop Caridee won the challenge by appearing to be the best in a silent movie. As her prize she got to appear on One Tree Hill in a guest starring role.

All the girls traveled to the Barcelona for their exotic location. A succession of male models joined the bus before a traditional Catalan meal. During the meal the girls were given their first challenge which was to shot an advert in Spanish with the assistance of the male model they had been paired with. Over dinner Jaeda’s partner told her he didn’t like coloured girls and he was eating so didn’t want to practice.

Neither Amanda or Michelle struck a cord with Jay, Melrose strutted her stuff, but giggled her way through, Caridee sucked big time but made out with the male model, and Jaeda failed completely because the whole idea of kissing the nasty man made her feel sick.

During judging the girls let Melrose have it for being a kiss-arse and telling the panel that she studied for an extra two hours.

Caridee and Jaeda were in the bottom two. Jaeda flew home and seemed to be quite happy about it.

(363 words)

The Week that Was

Once again we are at Friday. My last post was on a Friday and I’ve just recovered from a mediocre weekend.

Hubbies Aunt and Uncle were in town and we spent the entire weekend with them. It started on Friday night, dinner at a steak house on Darling Harbour were we had the camera in our face, heard about the selling of the sheep and bullocks and how the pig farm doesn’t smell anymore. We also heard about their travels around Aus, before they got to Sydney.

After dinner I went to VICE the new fetish club in town, which was explained away as a night with the girls.

Saturday saw us in the car, boys in the front and girls in the back, driving to the Central Coast and lunch on the beach. They told us about their travels so far in Aus before reaching Sydney and how they’ve sold the sheep and bullock and that believe it of not, the pig farm is no longer a pig farm and doesn’t smell anymore. The weather left a lot to be desired but I took them Rock Pooling after lunch.

They did ask if I had enjoyed my ‘night out with the girls’ and what sort of club was it. I described VICE as ‘just a nightclub with acts on the half hour’. I should have left that bit out, as they asked ‘what sort of acts?’ There had been a Sword Swallower, so that was easy and the very sexy, but gay pole dancer became a tap dancer.

Sunday, we met them at Centre Point Tower after lunch. Shortly after the traumatic experience of helping hubby buy a new suit. They told us about lunch in the revolving restaurant and about selling the sheep, bullocks and how the smell of pigs has now left their home.

Monday, work! Tuesday, country. Wednesday, Work and Sushi with Edna. Thursday, country and relaxo, which bring us to today. Friday, work and the writing of my blog. It was only when I started that I realised I just recovered from the visit last weekend. So what do you think it’s going to be like when his parents are here for six weeks starting Feb17th!

(371 words)

My Good Friends Wedding

Yesterday morning my clubbing buddy Sam got married.

He married a lovely lady, Sara at the Sydney Registry office in front of his Dad, her Mum, a work colleagues, Hubby and I. They will have a traditional Indian ceremony next year in India some time. She worn a sari of gold silk and her palms were painted with henna, she looked beautiful. He had on a grey suit with a pink shirt and tie, very dashing.

It a very odd feeling to get up and dress to go to a wedding at 9 o’clock in the morning, then to go home straight after. There was no lunch or dinner. I was home by 10.30am.

The service was presided over by a gentleman with grey wirery hair and thick glasses and the soothing voice of a vicar. The Mother of the bride worn a burnt orange sari with black sashing and was a demon with a video camera. At one point it was thrust at me, and only taken back after it was all over. I didn’t mind, she had other things to be doing, like watching her daughter get hitched and signing the register. His Dad had on black slacks and white shirt, open at the collar, a biro in his breast pocket and a camera in his hand. The photographer kept telling him to take out the biro and had to dodge him for the good photo angles.

After it was over Mother in Law gave everyone present a Ferro Roche. The short ceremony was lovely and too the point.

Congratulations, Mate. I hope you will both be happy!’

(268 words)

Iceberg Ahead!

Yesterday, after I’d had my hair cut and whilst I was having all offending hair wax from my body I received a phone call for Hubby. He had been offered two free tickets to see Titanic – A New Musical at the Theatre Royal, did I want to go?

Being a big fan of musicals in general, the answer was a big YES!

Also, I was curious. How can you make a musical about such a tragic event? This is after all the story of the world’s largest moving object (at the time, 1912) that sank on her maiden voyage after hitting an iceberg.

Make it a comedy, probably best not too. Make it dead serious, not a big draw card. They went for something in between, mostly serious, but a few pieces of comic moments. This is not a remake of the movie on the stage. The title song, is very powerful and tugs the heartstrings at just the right moments. The staging even manages to sink the ship without even a single drop of water.

I did of course cry, as I always do whenever I think of this story. Perhaps it’s because my mum is from Southampton and I grew up on tales of the ‘unsinkable ship’ from my grandad, perhaps it’s because her great uncle was a pastry chef on board and was one of the survivors, I’m not sure, whatever the reason I’m glad I saw it.

If you get a chance, go see it.

Ohh… yeah, and the costumes are fabulous!

(256 words)

ANTM 7-8

The recap episode of who’s made it this far.

It showed how the girls got a fashion makeover at the start, stuff got throw out and then they got to got shopping.

The bitching started. Comments like ‘die bitch die’, ‘you smell so bad’, you ate my chips’, she’s a psycho’ and ‘grow a weave’.

The funniest thing ever though was the reaction to a sparrow that was inside the house. The screams and running…!

So nothing really that exciting. We are left with Melrose, Eugena, Michelle, Amanda, Caridee, Anchel and Jaeda.

Beautiful Armidale (long with pictures)

I was lucky this weekend, it started on Thursday.

As volunteer editor of a newsletter about alpacas, I have recently put together and sent out a calendar of cute pictures and regional dates with the approval for committee and members (no easy feat as anyone involved with committees will tell you). So I spent Thursday in my car, driving from Sydney to Armidale (600+ kilometres) for a regional meeting and popping into Information Centre and little shops along the way, trying to sell the calendar. I got rid of 50 or so. I also stopped and interviewed a fleece testing owner for the newsletter.

I arrived at the little B&B I was staying in just after 6pm, order a take away and a bottle of red and chilled out ‘cause I was (quite frankly) knackered after a day in the car.


I awoke on Friday feeling good, and was looking forward to a day amongst the alpacas, blue fairy wrens and plovers, English cottage garden, writing up the interview and generally taking it easy in preparation for the Committee/OGM meetings to be attended on Sunday. At about 12.30/1 I decided to pick up my messages, what a mistake! The last one of five was from the regional president telling ‘we’ll sort out the Carnation* issue at the Committee meeting’.

Well, with a cryptic message like that I had to call her and find out what was happening. After all I didn’t have access to my email in the wilds of downtown Armidale.

It turns out that Carnation had once again been up to her trick of being vindictive, mean spirited and noxious self to the point of recruiting a Crony to attack me, the committee and the calendar by saying such things as the photos were poorly composed and taken on a cheap camera (my camera was not cheap, small, but not cheap), that 85% of the pictures had been taken in one spot (at least 10 different locations including overseas), the animals portrayed were miserable looking and genetically poor (10 of the 13 months are of broad ribbon winners), the advertisers should get their money back (it was sponsorship, not advertising), major events in the general alpaca calendar were missing (not available at time of publication, and still not available) and finally that the calendar as a whole was a ‘disaster’.

As you can image after hearing this and other tip bits that I have not included I was rather P*SSed Off! The President was also miffed as her animals were some that had been accused of being genetically inferior, including her Supreme Champion female. I can quite honestly say, if I had seen Carnation or Crony at that moment I would have nutted her. My leisurely day was out the window.

Many phone calls were made to the sponsors and all but one, were happy with what they got. Carnation and Crony had, btw, not been involved in production at all. Much discussion took place, with my hosts, (also alpaca breeders, who incidentally thought the tone of the emails were personal attacks), and I was calmed down. My weekend on a whole though had a taint on it. After dinner and a few glasses of red, things were looking better, but I still went to bed muttering ‘bastards’ under my cab sav breath.

Saturday, say hubby and I doing a rather long, delightful tourist drive to see the waterfalls of the New England Tablelands. Bakers Falls was rocky and dry. Wollomombi Falls, according to the postcard I purchased is supposed to be a rushing torrent forming the tallest waterfall in NSW, it was dry. The surrounding landscape was spectacular so that kinda made up for the lack of water. Lunch at the Wollomombi General store saw hubby eating the biggest burger on the planet and me selling the owner 5 calendars.

Further on up the road was Ebor Falls, now this one is perennial, so it had water. And boy, was it purdy! One waterfall made up on an upper and lower falls. The Upper falls was wide with lots of rocks for the water to divide and break over. The water then wound its way to the lower fall which is a sheer 100 metre drop to the bottom of the valley. The drive back to the B&B took us onto dirt roads, past sweeping plains and amongst many iddy bidy baby moo cows.

Saturday night we had dinner with the committee and discussed all sorts of things at length, including the calendar, and pretty much decide that Carnation and Crony could take a runny jump and that we were not going to let them get to us (mainly me ;-) Nice dinner/bbq, good company and a dash of good drink.

Sunday and the day of the Alpaca meeting, 32 mad keen people in attendance. Pretty much all of them said how much they liked the calendar; in fact I sold 40 at the meeting. So, in my general business of this blog entry I would like to say, 'get you’re your bloody facts right, Carnation and Crony!’

On the drive home, hubby and I were so engrossed in our discussion of volunteer organisations and need for people on the side lines to criticise and put down those that help, he got caught speeding by a nice policeman in a red car. The Copper gave us a ticket for going 123kms in a 100 limit, we gave him a calendar.

*name changed to protect the Cantankerous Old Bat.

(898 words)

Duel

After my soul had been returned to me when I left the office today (my current job is very boring and each morning I surrender my soul at the door, only to have it returned as I leave) I went to a seminar at Uni about food writing. Or should I say Writing about food. It was a lecture given by a food critic/author/food lover about what not to do if you plan on a career as a person who writes about food. I’m not explaining this well! ;-) But I think you get the jist.

After, I had a meal of raw salmon wrapped in rice grains and seaweed, deep fried Tofu with teriyaki sauce washed down with nice, cold, not so fresh apple and blackcurrant juice. The company was fine, in the form of Edna and Hubby. The ambience of the Sushi Bus engendered lively conversation and much hilarity. Service as always was par excellent, even when the train derailed and spilt plates of food onto the counter in front of us. Plates are just $3 and $7 each, so none of that trying to figure out if the plate is pink, grey or bronze.

Anyway, I think you get the ideaJ

I drove Edna home, then drove to Bucketty. The traffic was a pain, despite being after 11 at night. I had to stop on the F3 so some loose rocks could be knocked off the rock walls just south of Berowra, then again, for tree trimming just north, added 20 minutes to the trip. After I got off the freeway (motorway to the POMS out there), I picked up a follower. Very odd really, I slowed, he didn’t overtake, but when I sped up he kept pace. I couldn’t shake him. All i could see was two bright white, glowing headlights. On the plus side, when I turned onto our dirt track, I lost him. No driving over cliffs to shake him required. Very Steven Spielberg!

(317 words)

ANTM 7-7

Impromptu photo shoot with Tyra taking the pictures, saw the girls wearing cat contacts doing scary beautiful.

The lesson today was from Sutra and Dita Von Tease and how to be sexy. Caridee went over the top and showed her knickers, Dita told her to tone it down.. Brooke was horrified at having to pretend to strip. Later all the girls had to strut their stuff on the dinner table of the director of Seventeen Magazine, Cathy Gould. Melrose won the challenge and took Brooke, Amanda and Michelle along to the editorial photo shoot prize.

The bitching continued with Anchel being given advice on how not to be fat. Melrose being told she too old. Jadea continued to moan about having her hair cut, get over it already it’s been 6 weeks!

Fabio was the prop for the romance novel front cover photo shoot. Brooke accused him of being as thick as a tree (his thighs) and was sacred silly, Anchel nailed her impression of Cleopatra and Melrose played the perfect Madam.

In judgment, Brooke was accused of being beauty queen, but not a model.

Brooke and Eugena were in the bottom two. Brooke went home in time to go to graduation.

(202 words)

The Crops are in

I picked the first of the peas from the plants on my balcony today. I think I may be a while away from self sufficiency!

Count them carefully!

Feasting On Flesh

I went to the Opera House tonight with my buddy Edna to see Feasting on Flesh. What a fantasic show! Circus for Adults as Edna put it.

There a little blonde guy who could be mistaken for the Energiser (Duracell if you’re in the UK) Bunny who bounds around the stage doing back flips and acrobatics wearing a tux, a pair of blank boxer or nothing. The dark, tall muscular guy who wears the same plus a lilac sequined G-string and does some amazing ariel acrobatics. The beautiful and luscious big girl with flawless skin who wears everything and nothing who sings, dances and does magic. Then the tall, dark, skinny girl who dances, get wrapped in cling film and pretends to be a severed head on a platter, ohh and squishes tomatoes with enthusiasm. The older guy who narrates, pushes cake into the little blonde guys arse and smokes with meaning.

Finally, you have the Musician, the delectable Gotye. Tall, dark, handsome, talents with percussion and piano, sensual music to delight the senses (I’ve been a fan for a while, you might notice), also, as I discovered tonight, a mighty fine Dutch accent and a surprising opinion on the taste of semen. Apparently you have no taste buds at the back of your throat! And ladies, when men dine out, it’s not the food that counts but the ambiance of the restaurant. Take Note!

Also, as Edna pointed out as he was standing on the stage in front of us, big shoes...

Big Feet!

If you haven’t booked a ticket to see this show, it’s on till the 18th November. Go Now!

(229 words)

Toilet Humour

My cold is still hanging on and when I get sick, my tummy also plays up. Anyway, without going into too much detail, earlier today I had to go to the loo. As I was walking through the office toward the ladies I was joined by someone else who wanted to chat and fix her makeup.

I’m one of those strange people who doesn’t like going to the loo while someone else is around, so after making an excuse to leave I made a dash down the stairs to the floor below, only to find the cleaner going in.

Down to the next floor, 3rd time lucky, anything but funny!

(110 words)

Hurting Hair

I'm sick!

My hair still hurts today, much worse than yesterday in fact. So everything makes sense seeing as I didn't have that much to drink on Saturday! I'm pretty sure it's just a head cold, but I feel shocking, coughing, sneezing, aching and sore eyes. So no swimming today! ;-(

Blog Spam

Due to Blog Spam in my comments, I have had to turn on Word Verification.
Sorry for the inconvenience.

Weekend Précis

I drove up to Bucketty on Friday night for a quite night and a good night’s sleep, something I don’t always get with a snoring hubby by my side. I was going well until I hit the Pacific Highway and had to deal with this little jerk. A red P plater in a heap of junk Ute with lorry mud flaps (why would you do that?) and a really sucky attitude. At a merge he wasn’t going to let me in until I played the ‘I’m older and got more insurance’ card. You can’t see it here, but his stickers had words of wisdom such as;
If you don’t love it LEAVE! (next to the Aussie Flag)
Bullbars, better than airbags
Real Cars are made with spanners, not chopsticks
B&S Ball 2006

He wasn’t happy that I had got in front and tail gated me until I hit the F3. Once on the F3 the weather rewarded me with a spectacular show of rainbows. Shooting from the steering wheel and pointing the camera in the general direction gave me these shots.
Fast forward to Saturday, a waxing trip followed by 40 lengths in 30 minutes was then followed by a night out with my good buddy Toddina. I haven’t had a night out with him for over a year and it turned into a big one. He did point out to me that my Japanese Subara may have been the reason the dick in the Ute didn’t want me to merge in front of him. I had disturbed his well thought out and pea sized brain, bogan sensibilities. We drank to his being offered the chance to study for a Phd and the fact I had enrolled in my Masters. We drank to boys. We drank to the great Australian Weather (it was 34degrees yesterday). We drank to us and anything we could think of really, which by 3.30am was a lot of old crap.

Civilised dinner at the Bavarian Beer Café on York Street had turned into Cosmo’s at the Imperial in Erskinville. Ohh...dear!

Today...my hair hurts!

(338 words)

Mum

Work is really slow at the moment. So slow in fact, that as of next week I will be working part time for the next few weeks. It sucks, but I am managing to fill my working hours with a bit of writing, a bit of surfing and plenty of walking around looking busy. I can quite honestly say I have only ever been bored at work.

So, as it turns out, today my colleague Reg is also suffering from a lack of inspiration and we got to chatting, as you do. He revealed that in the thirty odd years he’s worked here, he has been bored more than inspired, then out of the blue he says ‘I miss my mum.’

He followed that very rapidly with, ‘I know that a silly thing to say.’
‘Not at all, it’s understandable,’ I reply and little shocked.

He buried his mother 4 weeks ago. She passed away after a battle with lung cancer. And this is the only sign of grief he has ever shown whilst at work, even to the point of turning up at a workshop just two day after the funeral.

Anyway…he started saying that when bored he would phone her for a quick chat ‘cause even if he was talking crap she would still love it, ‘I put butter on my bread today Mum.’ Then in a high pitched voice, ‘Ohh, don’t use to much, you don’t know how lucky you are, we only had dripping and not that fancy stuff they have today.’

It broke my heart, I wanted to give him a hug, pat him on the back and say it would all be OK!

(275 words)

Swimming 8

Didn’t do much tonight, only 10 lengths, but then Edna came to. We chatted, did a bit of Aqua Aerobics then had a spa followed by relationship over analysis in the sauna for 30 minutes. It was a real girlie night!

On the way out we saw a couple of rather hot young things entering the pool area and spa. As we left they asked if we would turn out the lights. We did, but not before I had warned them that the security camera could still see them. As we got to the lifts, the Spa alarm was going off. I rushed back to tell them that the President will be visiting soon to reset the alarm. I got a call from the President about 10 minutes later to say he had found them have sex in the spa and their lease will be terminated!

(148 words)

UPDATE : 11.12am 9th November 2006

The naughty boys in the spa last night last, broke the emergency alarm, had been smoking and drink whilst in the spa and abused the President when he went down to reset the alarm. Their cute butts are outta there!

ANTM 7-6

Michelle announced that she ‘may be gay’, her twin sister Amanda seemed to have trouble with it

Mark Steines for E Entertainment Tonight gave them a quick lesson on the red carpet before throwing them to the wolf in the form of Janice Dickerson
CariDee asked why she was over pungent, Brooke asked her why she was such a bitch, AJ lost it. Melrose won a chance to file a story for E.

Tara came into the house interviewed each of the girls to find out how they were doing. Amanda revealed that she was worried that her sister would be judged for revealing that she was unsure of sexual orientation. Their mother took it really well.

The photo shoot was Celebrity Couples. Each of the girls was photographed as the male first then went back into makeup to come down as the girlie half. Photographer was Matthew Jordan Smith. Brooke shone through this week posing as Britney and Kevin. CariDee redeemed her earlier faux paux as Angelina and Brad, complete with babies in tow.

Jaeda and AJ were in the bottom two, AJ went home.

Swimming 7

21 in 12 minutes. It was past 10pm and I started seeing the boogie man in the shadows. I really must start going earlier so i can keep swimming without my heart rate raising due to a freaked out imagination!

Melbourne Cup Day

It's that time of year again. The race that stops a nation.

Do I place a bet or not...? Do I willingly go into a TAB and hand over $20 for a slip of paper that will be useless to me in little over two hours?

I'll keep you posted!

UPDATE - 11.34 7/11/06
Glistening received the kiss of death when I put $5 each way on it.

New Club in Town

On Friday Edna and I went to a new fetish club that has opened in Sydney. Called Vice it operates in the basement of ARQ at 16 Flinders Street on the first Friday of each month.

Dressed in my lovely new red boots, short black skirt, black corset and white shirt. Edna worn a snappy pink t with rolling stones lip, black short skirt, and flower printed doc martens. A sexy pair we made as we rocked up to the front door at 10.30.

At 4am we left after it took a while to get going, fairly bad music and plenty or vodka and orange. Edna had a bad experience too, and I had to get Master Tom to have a chat with a ‘tourist’ so he didn’t go around trying to get girls to put their hands on his dick under the table.

Hellfire is still our favorite destination on a Friday night!

(154 words)

Naughty Poems

I asked Edna to read my poem Achilles Heel from her valuable opioin and she came back with this reply ‘I do like the poem, although one should not read it when eating one's breakfast. Or maybe it's just that I am very good at picturing things in graphic detail... :-) As to what it's about- it's obvious- it's about going on holiday and trying to find someone to water your plants for you!’

Mate, it's about foot massage!

Achilles Heel

The touch of skin
to skin,
my digits entwined
fingers

thumb wrapped around
squeezing,
choking my big toe
throbbing

wet tongue to arch,
probing,
stroking the length of
heaven

the sweetest spot
between
the second and third,
honey

slowly you tease
my flesh
temptation the last
head back

soon the end comes
biting
from toe tip to calf
tickles

Swimming 6

I have had to come up with a sequence of swimming titles. This is the sixth day I have been swimming since last Wednesday so its swimming entry six. I hope that clear ;-)

21 lengths in under 20 minutes. Don’t know exact time ‘cause my stopwatch flaked out and i didn't have my glasses on, so therefore couldn't see the clock, not that I checked the time going in, but I got out the pool at 1740.

ANTM 7-5

They started the episode with a lesson in extreme high fashion posing with a contortionist. Melrose had a go at Anchel for eating to much and not doing cardio to work it all off (she had 4 eggs for breakfast).

Everyone got stuck into Melrose when she brown nosed Twiggy at dinner.

The high fashion posing came in handy when they had to play statues at fashion show. Eugena did the best poses and won $32,000 worth of jewellery. After Melrose did her best impression of Derek Zoolander by saying ‘I just wish I’d been softer and smiled a little more, this face (pulls face) is very different from this face (pulls same face).’

The photo shoot was ‘turn of the century circus freaks’. Caridee was praised for a great job, and the twins worked it as Siamese twins joined at the head.

Jadea and Megg were in the bottom two…Megg went home.

Swimming

14 laps in 9 minutes, I would have done more but my creepy neighbour came down, sat in the spa and watched me. Eww!

Hair Removal

After a lunch of gelatinous white grains with raw sea dwellers and salt water botanicals I popped into a chemist with Edna to purchase a hair removal product for her ohh so hairy legs (it’s summertime nearly and the short trousers are coming out of the dark end of the wardrobe). So we are standing in front of Wax strips, Cream, Nads and razors discussing the options. It was decided that waxing is messy, shaving causes stubble and after a tale of cat hair, cream is also messy. So she’s going to see a girl.

The cat tale – long ago in a land, far, far away there was a lady called Sally (aka Muv). She decided one day to use hair removal cream on her legs before going out for her once a year fancy outing with her husband (aka Dad). So there she is, 6 o’clock in the evening, walking around the house, doing stuff for her five children with hair removal cream covering her legs from ankle to thigh. Picture an exaggerated John Wayne walk. Jodie and Sorrell, the family cats started playing and Sorrell ran away using a path that went directly between Sally’s legs. But on the way through he caught his left side on her leg. Sally then spent the next 10 minutes trying to catch the cat. When she finally caught him it was too late. Hair remover works as well on cats as it does on humans and for the next few weeks we had a partially bald cat.

(252 words)

I Don't Want Too!

I appear to be working a life force vacuum. I walk into the building where I am currently employed and feel all energy and enthusiasm drain from my body. However, my emotions go haywire, especially the one that controls reactions to criticism.

On Tuesdays I go to Uni in the afternoon were I am studying for a Postgraduate Certificate in Writing. Poetry, as you know was giving me a few problems earlier in the semester, but I’ve got a handle on it now.

So anyway, yesterday morning I was at work having a meeting about forms. I have spent days of effort on these forms previously and am quite frankly sick to my back teeth of changing things back to how they were on the original forms. So after an hour and a half of talking about the title of fields, I needed to think about something else for just a couple of minutes before making the changes requested. So I thought I would quickly move a couple of pictures about in my visual poem (yeap…I’m thinking outside of words now) before saving and getting it ready to print when I got to Uni.

After about 30 – 60 seconds of this I turned around to see the Project Manager sitting on the desk behind me and he asks what I’m doing. I quickly explained. His response was, ‘the forms are of paramount importance at the moment, as are the rest of the communications. Your University work should only be done outside of working hours.’

You could have knocked me down with a feather, ‘cause he had just finished telling me about how great Midnight Oil was in concert when he saw them several years ago.

Fast forward to this morning.

I realised as I lay in bed listening to my alarm going off for the umpteenth time that I didn’t want to get up and go into the office. I hate how I feel when I’m there (drained, cold, muffled head, generally flu like) which takes hours to shake after I go home, the project I’m working on has no support from the director how engaged us and finally I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall with what I’m doing. What’s the point of playing the role of Change and Communications Manager when the project goal posts keep changing form day to day, hour to hour and some day there isn’t even a project?

(408 words)

Belly Dance Attempt

Edna and I were due to go belly dancing last night, but it was not to be. We got side tracked by the lure of cider and a blues band.

Proper Breaststroke

After a long day shopping and Dorising about with Edna in Bondi Junction Shopping Centre and Newton and a bus trip (another story – I went on a Bus, see below) I got home about 9.30pm and decided to try out one of my new swimming cossies (black Speedo) and my sexy new blue goggles (Speedo Mariners). I swan 26 lengths tonight, not my usual 50, but then I did at least 20 of tonight’s in proper breaststroke, you know where you put your head underwater and breath on the up stroke. It is much harder and faster than the way I have been swimming over the last few days, which has been the ladies ‘don’t get the top of you head wet’ type of swimming.

Anyway, I did 26 (a combo of breast strokes and back stroke) lengths in 18.5 minutes.

(137 words)

I went on a Bus!

After wandering around Bondi Junction for a few hours on my own and then with Edna, purchasing goodies such as cossies, work clothes (see her blog for that tale), make up and a snazzy new fountain pen for me, we decided to go to Newton and look in Reactor Rubberwear, Wildthing and Gallery Serpentine. All fall into the category of ‘bad’ shops for me, (bad shops = likely to spend money in them, good shop = not like to spend money in them).

Because my hubby had the car for the day we were required (by distance) to take public transport, options were Train or bus. Edna opted for the bus, so I dug deep for some change and followed her on. It seems that people don’t queue anymore so I was jostled before I finally got to ask for a ticket. The bus was nearly full so we were seated separately. After 10 yards the bus stopped again and another 40 people tried to squeeze in, including an old lady. My manners being what there are, meant I offered her my seat, which meant I was now forced to stand in the ‘No Standing’ area near the rear doors.
Another 10 yards, 1 person got off, 10 got on. How many people can they fit into the sardine can. No wonder they have those little hammers above all the windows!

We finally made it to the spot were we had to change buses. Buddha on a bus! After all there were no bicycles involved. I had to walk to another stop and wait nearly 15 minutes for the connecting bus.

When the next one arrived, it was partially full and we had the luxury for a few yards of putting our shopping bags down. But it was not to last, for at the next stop we were shuffled down to the back of the bus to hang on for dear life. I was starting to get a little comfortable when we swung into a corner that saw me slowly leaning back, trying not to lose my footing, as I was forced to lean further and further back by the way the driver took the corner. I couldn’t see the face of the woman in the seat behind me, but I’m pretty sure she was panicking that I was about to land in her lap. I didn’t, but soon after I found a spot to wedge myself so it didn’t happen again.

We arrived at our location at the top of King Street and Enmore Road to be rewarded with yummy ice cream in Dolce and Gelato.

(437 words)