House Guarding

A few months ago I agreed to housesit for the Alpaca Lady that agists Wispa, Arabella and Bertie. She had to take a business trip to Perth and it is the least I could do seeing as she is so good to us.

On Monday I left work at noon to drive up to the Central Coast. It was raining, so I drove with my usual care through showers and pelting rain to the road that was to take me to the house I was due to sit in. The rain was still hammering down and a phone call to the Alpaca Lady told me that the road was blocked and that she couldn’t get out, so I had little chance of getting in. So I had time to kill. I went shopping. I got a nice little nest of tables that could double up for stools. Anyway I digress.

- a bird rests on a cows back on the way to the house

- What can I say, I like cows.

I drove in and came across the water she was talking about. Rain had burst the banks of the Ourimbah Creek and flooded paddocks on either side of the road. The water was flowing in a torrent across the road to the lower paddock. Looking at it I would guess the water was about four to six inches deep, nothing my Subaru Outback Bessie couldn’t handle, but I wasn’t happy about how fast it was flowing. I’ve seen pictures of cars being swept sideways by rushing water so I took a picture and turned the car around. After killing four hours it was decided that it wasn’t going to stop raining anytime soon, so I drove back to Sydney.

- The Flooded Road

After an early start on Tuesday I got to the Alpaca Ladies gaff just after 9am. She showed me how to mix the alpaca feed, how many biscuits of hay the boys got, where to collect the eggs from, how to stop the alpaca breaking into the hen house and nicking the food and how to and when to feed the dogs. She has sixty odd alpacas (including my three), thirty odd chooks and three dogs. The dogs are Bonnie, an aging Golden Retriever that shuffles around but rarely leave the house or porch. Pepe is a little grey poodle thing with really sharp toenails that doesn’t seem to understand ‘Down!’ Cossie is another small dog, in fact he looks like a Labrador who’s been put in a dehydrator and shrunk to two thirds his original size. He’s very cute and does understand when he’s being told off. He gets that look in his eyes that could melt butter and the stoniest of hearts.

- The Cockerel that woke me at stoopid o'clock for a couple of mornings

I spent the morning reading some stuff for work (after all I was ‘working form home’) before falling asleep on the sofa at one. I woke at three and turned on the telly. There was something on about digging up bones in the West Country and Baldric was hosting it. I pressed the up channel button. Snow, snow, snow, red snow with a foreign accent, more snow. So I went down through the channels. Snow, snow, blizzard, more snow. I ended up back with Baldric and his Roman bones before realizing she only had ABC. I was stuck in a house with three smelly damp dogs in a house that only received the ABC, had no DVD player and no internet access!

I turned off the telly and started reading again. When I woke up at six, it was dark and I had no idea where the light switches were. After a brief hunt the house was illuminated and I decided to cook dinner. Mushroom and Spinach Omelette. I was in the country with fresh eggs, I had to have an omelette. Only I couldn’t find any pepper or tomato ketchup, so I had a rather bland dinner while watching The Bill surrounded by the eager faces of begging dogs.

- Cossie, not a good model, he doesn't keep still for long enough

The second night I couldn’t bear the idea of more ABC. So I went to the movies and saw I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry. Not a bad movies, but not a good one either. It’s typical Adam Sandler with a serious underlying message about gay rights. It did of course have a plethora of men in fireman uniforms so it wasn’t all bad. I would say see it, but don’t rush to see it on the big screen.

When I got back to the house, the dogs all decided they had been missing out on some affection. Cossie and Pepe climbed all over me on the sofa and Bonnie curled up at my feet. I tried to read, but arm movement was severely hindered, so resorted to the final option. Yeap, you got it…the ABC. At ten thirty I went to bed and the dogs followed me (unlike the night before). They watched me do my nightly abolitions, then curled up around the bed after I turned of the light. I drifted to sleep.

I was awoken by the most god awful smell five times in the night. Each time I ushered the dogs out, and each time they snuck back in to wake me up again. I swear these dogs could power a methane power plant.
- Feeding happens in harmony down on the farm

The whole experience reinforced that I am a city girl really. I like to think I can do country, but I can’t really. I like my city comforts too much and even more I require outside stimulus to keep my brain firing. I’ll house sit again, but I will make sure I take more entertainment and an industrial sized can of air freshener!