Goodbye 2007

Ohh … I can’t be arsed, maybe another day!

Happy 2008 everyone. May the New Year bring you all that you desire.

I’ll be seeing the new year in alone watching Rocky Horror happy in the knowledge that Walter the pigeon I saved from the side of the street the other has a lovely new aviary to stretch his wings in and tomorrow I need to do some wasp nest destruction.


- One of three little nest attached to walls of my house (about an inch across)


- The largest of four nests attached to walls of my house (about five inches across)

Jebus' Birthday

So…it’s Christmas Day and I have a cat asleep on my bed and an orphan pigeon in my laundry basket outside. I’ve watched The Ice Harvest, V The final battle and just about to watch Wild Wild West while drinking champagne. Does it get much better than this?

I’m feeling much better, but not 100%, so entries with be sparse but hopefully back to my usual witty self.

Happy Christmas All!

FUBAR

I decided to stop writing for a while. I don’t know how long it will be, a few days, a week, a month. I have no idea.

I hit the top of the slope described in an earlier entry about lunch time yesterday and now I’m sliding down on my arse at a rate of knots. I don’t feel up to being witty or happy joy joy. This is when I need my friends and they don't seem to be there. So I’m off to deal with this myself, in my own corner.

I may or may not be a while.

I Walked into a Cupboard Door

Someone said something to me on Friday that made me really look at the way I live. I was told that I was in an abusive relationship, but I think she was joking.

I have some marks on the back of my right hand and when called on it by a lady at work I made excuses, I told her it was my fault. I was hugging him too hard; I moved too quick, it was an accident. This is not the first time I’ve made excuses. I do it regularly.

Over the weekend I realized I jump when he says jump, I serve him dinner as soon as he sits in the correct position, I open and close doors and groom on demand. I even move over in the bed so I don't disturb him when he's sleeping.

Is it really possible to be in an abusive relationship with a cat?

Note To Self

Do not watch Titanic when you've had a few glasses of wine and you're on your own. It can only lead to tears. Especially when you see the old couple lying on the bed together as water rushes around them.

I Swear To God I'll turn this Car Round!

If you haven't already seen it, see Little Miss Sunshine. I know I'm way behind the eight ball on this ...I finally got around to seeing it tonight and I nearly peed my pants laughing.

Great cast, great jokes, great heartstring tuggers and amazing ending!

Grandpa: [to Dwayne] Fuck a lotta women, kid, I have no reason to lie to you. Not just one, a lotta women.

Briefly, A Weeks News

Monday

My Monday morning started with the delightful tale of modern day Maori gouging out the eyeballs of a 14 year old because they believed she was cursed and they saw the devil in her eyes. Surely in the first years of the twenty first century people don’t think they can get away with this type of sh*t?

And how about this … Julia Gillard, our new Deputy Prime Minister says she supports saying sorry for the actions of those in the past, but can’t say when it will happen under the new Labour government. Big bloody surprise there then!

In sport was the news (if you can really call it news) the Aaron Baddeley (who I hear you cry) nearly gave up golf because he was home sick, ohh yeah and he won something.

Tuesday

Tuesday morning saw the passing of asbestos campaigner Bernie Banton, he was 61. He is responsible for James Hardie admitting that asbestos is bad for you when they set up a $4billion compensation fund for those suffer from asbestos related-diseases.

Also it appears that the image Ian Fleming projected about a secret agent being a suave international playboy has continued into the twenty-first century. MI5 are having issues with recruitment. ‘The names Bond…,’ All together now!

Wednesday

In Music News, the Police are embarking on a reunion tour and 15th June 2008 they will be playing to a small crowd in Newport on the Isle of Wight.

This one made me late for work. Crown Street was shut. Shame Indian Chilli is going, they did a really yummy butter chicken and sag aloo.

At the 2007 Literary Review prize night Norman Mailer was awarded (posthumously) the Bad Sex in Fiction Award for his references to ‘her sap’ and ‘his old battering ram’.

Thursday

Why can’t the girl be named, but the boy in this rape case, can be. Incidentally, she was one of the rapists.

The duck need to be protected in Tasmania according to Chris Simcox as, ‘the numbers are dire’

Kevin Rudd our new prime minister elect has selected his cabinet today. He picked a nice feminine Victorian piece for the families and housing room and an ex-pop-star for the environmental and arts studio.

Friday

Why does a man who spent a night in a boat with his friend make the news? Now if he’d been eaten by a shark I could understand it.

The Hollywood Writers Guild has taken a four day recess to consider a deal that includes payment for works shown on the internet. Who are they kidding, they don’t really expect to get payments from all those bootlegs version too do they?

A man confessed to a murder that he could have got away with in Korea overnight. I not quite sure considering he had broken bones from an exploding mobile phone injury.

Down in The Dumps

Take the title as a hint of what this entry in about please. I’m feeling down in the dumps.

I realized today that over the last few months I had a bit of a time of it all. I left my husband (yes, I know self inflicted), my good girlfriend seems to have found better or more interesting friends and seems to have abandoned me despite me asking if everything is ok, my other good girlfriend is always at work and even when she isn’t lift f*ing miles away. My bestest bud went back to the States because the umbilical cord had stretched too far and was starting to hurt. I was robbed, I seem to have an infestation of mozzies, I don’t have air-con and the house is getting hotter. And I’m currently broke because of excess goodbye do’s and a couple of days sick.

Ohh yeah… and we can’t seem to sell the god-damn house on the Central Coast. Hubby keeps doing things to the house and car and not telling me because he thinks I can’t afford it, so I use the car and find new tyres, or I go to the house and find out there’s a new pool pump and cover. I may not be able to afford to assist, but I wish he’d tell me before so at least I can feel guilty before I’m trying to have a little fun. And I have to have the conversation with the woman who sold us a duff alpaca that can’t have babies.

I was also told the other day that no one will give me income protection becasue of my kidneys. So I have to save about 6 months of salary just in-case I get sick.

This morning I had trouble getting out of bed despite a decent amount, but restless sleep. I’ve been having trouble with sleep recently and I couldn’t put my finger on why. I think I may have figured it out. I’ve reached my limit of shit. I can’t take much more before I hit the top of the extremely slippery slope into depression.

I know I’m not there yet, but I can feel it coming. Having been there, done that before, I can feel the signs. Not wanting to get up, not being bothered to get dressed at the weekend, having an ironing pile that has strata levels, not eating ( I can’t be arsed to cook for just me) and just general malaise.

Not even the prospect of Cycle 9 of America's Next Top Model is cheering me up.

When I stop having my hair cut and painting my toe nails, please take me to the doctor.

RIP Indian Chilli

It was all over the news yesterday. The Indian Chilli had to be demolished. Overnight the building had started to shift causing a huge crack to appear between it and the building next door. The whole row of shops was evacated.

The owner of the building is blaming the city council for undermining his property during works to the community centre next door, but this may be because he doesn’t have building insurance. D’oh!

Being a local and a regular diner I had to see what was going on. I took some pictures with my mobile during the day, then went back later with my other camera to take some after shots.

As I sat on the wall taking 'after' pictures, a couple of builder types sat down next to me and asked why I was so interested in a heap of rubble. I explained that they did a really good Butter Chicken and Sag Aloo, and that I had purchased poppadums only the night before.

‘I won’t tell you what it was like out the back then.’ He said.


- Just an itsy bitsy crack between the white building doing an impression of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

- Not feeling so much like a famous landmark now!

Guidelines

D, a lady I work with (and have many deep an meaningful conversations and belly laughs with) sent one of the annoying inspiration emails that seem to be so prolific. You know, read this and pass the love to ten of your friends or you’ll burn in hell. This one didn’t say that and I kinda liked the sentiment and the little drawings, so enjoy.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG ...

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with her/him !


6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is our self. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.


8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love, that you love them - at every opportunity.

And if you don't send this to at least four people - who cares?

Nothing, Nothing Relax

I've done nothing but household chores all weekend. It's been great and I bloody hate housework. I have had two very brief interludes;

Yesterday I had to vote (how democratic is it really when you get fined $250 for not voting?) Kevin Rudd and Labour got in. I mean what kind of a name is Kevin for a Prime Minister. PM’s should have distinguished like George, John or Margaret, they shouldn’t have names from a Croydon council estate, it’s almost as bad as Tony! Anyway…

Today I met T. for a drink and a spot of people watching at The Colombian on Oxford Street. God that place is so gay, it’s FABULOUS! On the way I brought myself an amazing new pair of summer shoes.

Newsround

Ohh… please get over yourself! You have had a dubious taste of fame due to your son being jailed for training with terrorists in Afghanistan and now you just want to keep you face in the lime light.
Do you really think we care about your opinion on national politics?

Having moved to the city…I read this story with interest. This murderous caravan park is just down the road from what used to be my local shopping centre.

And finally for today some news from the world of music, Van Halen are back and touring with front man David Lee Roth.

God I'm bored today!

Mother

Thanks to Google Analytics I know when you read my blog. Twice in the last month!

All I have to say is this;
If you don’t read my writing how can I expect anyone else too?

Billy Elliott

On his last night in Sydney I took Todd to see Billy Elliott the Musical. I saw the movie ages ago and have seen it many times since its release in 2000. It makes me cry every time I see it.

So I booked tickets. I booked ticked for the opening night as a gift for Todd’s birthday. When the tickets arrived, they weren’t for opening night and amazingly enough just so happened to be for the last night he was in town. Phew!

After a last supper of sushi and a couple of glasses of wine we made our way to the Capitol Theatre just in time for the last call of take your seats. We were in the dress circle, slightly to the left of the stage. Not bad seats. It was sold out.

The show started with a Pathe newsreel showing the mining industry in the 30’s during the ‘good’ times. The singing started early with the whole cast coming onto stage in 80s garb singing about keeping the community together and deciding to strike.

The sets were amazing. There was the generic room set that slid in from left and right, the ‘Elliott’ house set that spiralled up from a hole in the stage with a bed on top of a set of stairs with a little kitchen at the bottom. The toilet block at the gym pulled out of the side of the room set. All very clever and beautifully put together.

The stage version ran along the same lines at the movie and included a few of the more memorable lines, such as;

Mrs. Wilkinson: This'll sound strange, Billy, but for some time now I've been thinkin' of the Royal Ballet School.
Billy: Aren't you a bit old, miss?

And

Debbie : don’t you fancy us, Billy?
Billy : Nah!
Debbie : I’ll show us me fanny.
Billy : Nah, you’re alright.

The musical was directed by the same guy who directed the movie Stephen Daldry, the lyrics by Lee Hall (he wrote the script for the movie) and the music was written Elton John. It was surprising that none of the songs had a hook, but then they are used to writing spoken word, not sung. Neither Todd nor I left humming, thinking we’d have that tune stuck in our head for a while. Shame really because from what I can remember the songs were pretty good.

The dancing however was completely memorable. I was concerned about the thought of watching a precocious little bugger on the stage for several hours, but I was completely entranced. I’m not sure which of the four Billy’s was playing on Tuesday night, but he was amazing. There was a scene (the bit in the movie where his Dad finds him dancing in the gym with Michael) where he was dancing Swan Lake with his older self. There was dry ice, wire work and ballet. It made me cry. I forgot how much I like ballet. The kid and the guy floated around the stage for maybe four or five minutes, it was beautiful.

Anyway, despite the un-catchiness of the songs I would say go see it, the dancing is amazing, but watch the movie first.

PS. Todd has arrived In Washington ;-)

He's Leaving on A Jetplane

Todd’s gone, I took him to the airport with the assistance of A and Sue-Ellen. We sent him through the customs gate with a sign that said ‘Shirley you’re not leaving!’

His flight is at 3.15pm and he’ll be sitting in his nice Business class seat after being upgraded.

As requested there was no scene at the airport. Well, maybe a minor one from Sue-Ellen.

- One of the many pictures I took during our faux Grauation photoshoot yesterday at Sydney Uni

He's Leaving - Not Yet

This time tomorrow Todd will have walked through the point of no return at the airport in time for his 3.15pm flight to the Los Angeles.

What am I going to do with myself?

- 1 Get a full nights sleep without a 1am phone call telling me he can’t sleep.
- 2 Get an early night or two
- 3 Redefine the meaning of cheap dinner from $60 to $10
- 4 Reduce my alcohol intake and give my liver a rest
- 5 Stop carrying chewing gum in my handbag
- 6 Talk to Puss about books and writing
- 7 Have to find someone else who appreciates the fine dining experience
- 8 Miss him terribly!

But I still have him for one more night, so no moppin’ about and feeling sorry for myself. I’ll deal with the fall out, when it happens.

That Time of Year Approaches

ANTM Cycle 9 starts on Fox 8 on 4th December. Ohhhh... ;-)

Meat on A Stick

I had a really long sleep. Puss finally got me moving on Sunday morning with a paw in the face and a meow. He was wasting away clearly. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stopped dead. My legs hurt, my arms and shoulders ached and my boobs felt like they’d been thumped. I hurt all over. That god damn boat trip!

As I walked past the mirror I caught sight of my legs. The gentlemen amongst you please help me by telling me how attractive purple legs are? I suppose i be thankful that I heal quickly. I spent the day on the sofa with Puss, watching telly from the week (House, NCIS and Life on Mars) before getting in the shower and getting ready to go to dinner.

Todd had booked Wildfire for Rachel, him and I. I’d never been before and believing it to be posh I put on a skirt. It was fairly posh…an amazing fit-out with unique lights and private rooms above. We had a nice spot looking out over the Opera House. But I got the feeling it was more about the tourist than the local. We were one of the few tables that seemed to have made an effort when getting ready and many looked they had just pooped in after a day of the tourist trail. The prices kept out the true riffraff.

The food was amazing, as was the wine and the desserts. It was another evening of chatting and we all came to the conclusion that not enough people experience fine dining as a form of entertainment. To most people eating is something you have to do to survive, so it is not something that should be the only thing you do all night. We arrived at six and left just before ten. It was a beautiful evening.

I got the bus home, Todd and Rachel went for final coffee.

(photos to come)

Harbour Cruise - My Bruised Arse

Saturday morning saw me making melba toasts (cut up bread, place on baking sheet in 200O oven until crisp) for Todd’s harbour cruise while I waited for the real estate guy to come round and do a house inspection. Far too much to deal with a Saturday morning if you want my opinion!

Around noon I left the house with my new red shopping trolley loaded with pate, melba toasts, wine, ice and my camera. I was going to get the bus, but after waiting twenty minutes I jumped in a cab. Once again the taxi won the Taxi V Bus race. I met Todd and some friends at King Street Wharf and we waited for the boat.

Now please bear in mind I was expecting something big and stable to CRUISE around the harbour in. You can imagine my surprise when a sail boat slipped into the pick up position. We all climbed aboard, and settled in as we motored out into the harbour under the bridge. It was actually very relaxing and I took heaps of photos to remember the day, Todd eating nibbles, drinking wine and generally being the hostess with the mostest.

We (there were 11 of us on the boat and the skipper) drank, laughed and chatted. Some of us reminisced about the bad habits we had picked up from Todd and some just listened and thanked their lucky stars they hadn’t known him long enough to pick them up. We stopped and put down the anchor and a few went for a swim. I was happy on board taking pictures.

Once the swimming was over the skipper suggested we go for a little sail. He informed us that because it was a little windy we would only use the little sail at the front. The anchor was pulled up, the sail was unwrapped. It flapped about for a bit then it caught. We took off like a bullet from a gun and the boat tipped. From 0 -15knots (17mph/27kph) like a racing car.

I slipped of my perch, thinking first and for most about the camera I flipped my right arm over the edge of the galley as my legs vanished over the edge of the boat and into the water. My left hand grabbed onto anything (turned out to be a rope winder), my legs bounced about on the edge of the boat as I pulled myself up and finally got a foothold on the little wooden plinth on the side. I wasn’t near anyone, so I didn’t have help like a couple of others that also experienced the pleasures of sailing. I’m told it only took a few minutes to right us again, but it felt like an hour. I was soaked. The only dry thing about me was my camera hand.


The rest of the ‘cruise’ I hardly moved. As the saying goes ‘It’s all good fun until someone get hurt, then it’s bloody hilarious’ I was the butt of jokes. But weirdly enough I didn’t care. If we tipped again I was secure and oddly I was having fun. The adrenaline had kicked in and I was what can only be described as high.

I was however, really glad to be back on dry land when it was over. If it hadn’t of been over dramatic I would have kissed the ground. I went home to shower before our dinner to find a few purple masses gathering under the skin on my legs and arms.

Dinner at IThai on King Street Wharf was lovely, more reminiscing, good food and wine and an early night for all. After the drama of the boat I think everyone was completely knackered.

Dancing with Muscles

I went to Hellfire on Friday with Todd. The last Hellfire he’ll ever go to. In less than a week he’ll be gone. Anyway…I was kitted out in the standard outfit, bra, corset, PVC skirt and thigh high boots. Todd had on his leather trousers and a white Everlast singlet. We met and then went to dinner at Bettys Soup Kitchen. I love Oxford Street, no one batted an eyelid.

We ate a simple dinner of mash, sausages and beef stroganoff before moving onto the main entertainment of the evening. We walked the short distance with much appreciative attention. At the door Todd was told he had to take his shirt off. No white allowed, you see.

Drinks were purchased, seats were taken, and the people watching commenced. There was the tourist friends (two guys in all black and wide eyed), the regulars, the single guy waiting for his date dressed in a Centurion outfit and the first-timers.

You can always tell the first timers. They look too hard at others and dress in simple black. The main example of a first timer for the evening was the guy we nicknamed ‘Dancing with Muscles’, he was wearing black trousers and a black singlet. He had short close cropped hair and may have had a close relationship with ‘roids. We watched him on the dance floor for quite sometime, flexing his pecs, tightening his biceps, the exposing of his six pack…it was hilarious but intriguing at the same time. And we were the only ones watching.

A couple of months ago Manacle closed its doors. Manacle was the Leather Pride bar for Sydney gay population. They’ve all moved to Hellfire. I have never seen so many leather harnesses. This is a good thing if you’re a boy into boys, but not so good if you’re a girl in boys. The eye candy factor was amazing and I shall continue going if only to get inspiration for my next semester at uni.

In The News Today

Boy George made the news today (if you can call the Yahoo Mail headlines news). Apparently he chained a male prostitute to a wall in his apartment. The pro report him for false imprisonment and BG was arrested. Naughty Boy didn’t think Safe Sane Consensual before that encounter.

In somewhat related news. An Indian man married his dog in a full on traditional ceremony to put an end to a curse. Unfortunately his was quoted after as saying he wasn’t really in love with the dog and hoped to one day find a real woman.

Everyone say EWWW!

Public Transport

I think I can now, after seven years, say that I have travelled on every form of transport Sydney has to offer.

There has been;

The Jetcat – only to Manly and only when the ferry isn’t running
The Ferry – to various locations around the harbour
The Rivercat – to Parramatta, yes I have been out west
The Train – many and varied trips including the Blue Mountains, Central Coast and the Airport
The Taxi – my favourite form. Being dragged up proper by a cabbie in the UK I feel it is my duty to support the Sydney version.
The Bus – I hate buses, but they are a necessary evil
The Monorail – It goes in a circle, but it’s great for tourist and yes, I know there are some that feel this mode of transport is evil, Edna, I’m looking at you.

Today I used the final form on offer;

The Light Rail/Tram – It goes from Lilyfield to Central via the fish markets. I got on it going the wrong way so I got to smell the Fish Market before getting back on and going in the right direction. The conductor (yes they still have a conductor that sells tickets) had a laugh after informing me I was going the wrong way. Really it didn’t matter I ended up having quite a relaxing trip to work.

Six Sleeps

After all day running a workshop I got home at six. I had plans to be a good girl and type up my Uni essay about Gerald Murnane, watch NCIS and sleep. Then I got a phone call.

‘I’ve run out of peanut butter and I can’t have a bottle of wine for dinner AGAIN, what are you buying me for dinner?’

It was Todd. With a jolt I realized, this time (6.30pm) next week he would be on a plane back to the States, for good.

What can I say, I’m weak. ‘I’ll see you on the corner of Crown and Cleveland at 7’

At 6.58 I received a text message, ‘Holy Crap. Drinks Expensive.’ I guessed I was late, standing at the traffic lights to the agreed destination.

After a quick pre-dinner drink we walked along Crown Street. The pizza place smelt good, the Vietnamese didn’t take Amex. The bottle shop did well, and CowBirdFish saw us sat at a table for two with corkage.

Despite me having made no effort and wearing lesbian shoes (flat sandals) and Todd in a sleeveless t-shirt that expressed affiliation with a sport team (I think) we were treated as if we were royalty. We had oysters to start ‘The special is freshly shucked oysters from South Australia.’ ‘SOLD!’ Barramundi and Salmon for main and cheese and meringue for dessert. Is it really only Tuesday?

We chatted about the usual and not so usual sh*t. Boys, books, boats, the movie ‘Airplane’, mountains and driving while we ate and drank a daft amount for a school night. Red, dessert and port. The waiters were really nice. Maybe they realized they were going to get a 30% tip early on, or maybe they were feeling generous.

- The Empty Chair

After two final glasses of port we adjourned to a less civilized establishment for a final drink of the evening. It was only half nine and the night was young, time for one more. JD&dietCoke for me, VodkaTonic&lime for him. Just the one. One AM, maybe.

It reminded me of when we first met. Working at TheBank, two oddballs in a bunch of suits. One straight as a die girlie with terrible fashion sense and a talent for making scrabbled egg in the microwave and one corporate suit that had long ago learnt to play the game. He, an unusually smart American (compared to others I had met) that had a knack of being in the right place at the right time, she a married Brit not reaching her true potential. Many a Thursday evening was spent in bars talking, having ‘just the one’ (one AM) and soon she (me) realized, I could take the bus!

I did take the bus, he’s taking a jet plane in less than seven days. I’ve been drinking since seven pm, give me a break and indulge me while reminisce about my friend who is pissing off and leaving me, It’ll all be over soon and normal broadcasting with resume, but bear with while it does, please.

And it All Turned Sh*t

This morning was lovely. I woke at my own pace before getting up and showering. The sun was shining for the first time in a week. Then I got on a bus and went to meet Dr. Plod. My good girlfriend that has been sorely neglected since she started working shifts that include much weekend work. We met on the steps of the State Library before going and attending a seminar called Contemporary Fiction – Writing Sex, presented by four well known Aussie authors.

If I learnt one thing while listening to them all speak it’s this. Name the parts as the character would. If your character would call a cock, a cock, don’t call it a penis. You get me?

Anyway, after the seminar Dr. Plod had to get home to feed her kids (horses, dogs and budgies), so she left me to get some new contact lenses. Upon arriving were the Optician should be, they weren’t there. They’ve done a runner to god knows where with all my glasses history. I need new lenses you bastards and now I’m going to have to go through the whole laborious process of having my eyes tested etc, etc.

So, what with it being just after four, I thought I'll pop down to the 3 shop to see about getting my phone fixed. The nipple broke a couple of weeks back and it keeps cutting out mid conversation. The only place to take it is the 3 shop as it is still under warranty. I got to the door, It was locked, all the lights were on and there were people milling about inside. It was 4.15. CLOSED. God DAMN IT!

I walked to the bus stop and after seeing I had to wait twenty minutes for the next bus I decided the taxi would have me home in half that time, so I flagged one down. I didn’t want my day getting any worse.

Once I got home I remembered I had to procure food for Puss. So I waited a little while then went outside to get my grandma trolley from the shed. It wasn’t there. Had I left it in the kitchen, No. Had I left it in the second bedroom, No. I figured it had been nicked. Couldn’t think why or when, but picked up shopping bags from under the sink and resigned myself to carrying tins back from the shop. While walking I called Todd and told him about my mysteriously disappearing trolley and he said, ‘Is anything else missing?’

I hadn’t even thought to look, but there were a few things in there. After speaking with Todd, I called Dr. Plod. She recommended I call the Police Assistance Line and report it. When I got back from the shops (a round trip of twenty minutes) I looked in the shed (a small lean to tacked onto the back of the house). Missing was the Drop Saw, the drill, the cordless drill and really nice pair of secateurs. I’m most pissed of about the secateurs, because they had a perfect cutting action and could cut through nearly anything. But mostly I’m pissed off that the fuckers made me doubt myself.

I remember now, on Tuesday I took some rubbish out and the back gate was unlocked. I thought I had left it unlocked the previous night. I mentally scolded myself for being silly. I had a go at the cat for digging in the flower pots and spraying soil everywhere, when quite clearly that is were the fuckers landed as they jumped over the fence.

Anyway the police came round after I reported it. They told me to get another deadlock on the back door.

I’m so angry!

Our Nations Capital

Last weekend Todd and I took a drive down to Canberra. He’s leaving in less than a month and he hadn’t seen Parliament House except on telly. So we piled into the car armed with nothing except our cameras and drove the three hours from Sydney to that no mans land that is our nations capital.

- The Big Arse Merino in Goulburn

We had a Stop Revive Survive moment at Goulburn so Todd could have his phot taken with the Big Marino. Which by the way they have moved. It’s now by the eateries and petrol station on the right, next to the freeway. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t heard of it. We took a couple of pictures, but got back in the car quick sharpish ‘cause it was freezing! The wind was howling and we were in shirt sleeves with no jumper or jackets in the car. Little did we know at that time, but we spent the whole day dashing from the car to the picture spot and back again.

We stopped at the end Lake George to take pretty pictures of how green it is at the moment (rarely has water in it).
We stopped at the state boarder for a photo shoot with Todd riding the sign.

- Ride It Cowboy!

When we got to Canberra we went straight to heart of it. Parliament House! I stopped were he told me too and within seconds we were being moved on by Federal Police on a push bike. But we got the photos we came for (a few we didn’t) so we left and moved to the next thing. The Birdie on a stick. Actually the American/Australian monument it really is a big bird on a very long/high pole. Todd had to lie on the floor to get it all in, I just told him to get a better camera.

- Move Along please sir!
- The Birdie on a Stick with Todd in the foreground

Then we drove round the inner ring road a few times before moving onto have a look at the Sex Shops of Fyshwick. We’d heard they were good. Turns out there are a lot of them, but not all of them are good.

On the way out of Canberra we stopped at a winery. We tasted (he swallowed, I spat) several very nice wines, both red and white, chatted with the cellar door staff then purchased half a dozen before hitting the road home.

With the light on our side we drove north again. We decided to stop and have dinner in Sutton Forest. We had steak and chips. I had a cup of hot tea and Todd had wine. We were both bloody freezing! We both had a great day, we laughed so hard that snot came out of my nose (I had a cold), we ate McDonalds, we talked crap, we talked about serious stuff and we dared to touch our toes to the wicket that Don Bradman played.

- Last time he tried this he got chucked off for playing silly buggers ;-)

12 sleeps to go.

Sound Off, One Two Three!

Thanks to Syms Covington to the tip off about this video. It’s not my personal favourite The Basics song, but I thing the gang at CNET have done a great job and done it justice.

It’s Basically Madness

I had a bit of a The Basics frenzy last week.

On the Friday 26th October I saw them at The Spectrum on Oxford Street. They were supported by Jordie Lane and Crossed Eyed Mary. It was a packed house with many die-hard fans to encourage them to perform one of the best sets I’ve seen them do, ever. As usual the lighting was crappy so I got hardly any photos, but I have it all in my mind, indelibly marked from my front row centre vantage point. They rocked the joint!

Less than a week later on Thursday 1st November, I loaded the car up with Edna, June and myself and drove down to Wollongong to the Oxford Tavern. We walked in and it looked like a school canteen crossed with a bingo hall. The lights were on bright and the stage was tucked away on the far corner. We brought ourself drinks before planted our arses at the table near the front. The Saturns came on and warmed up the crowd of locals and the many groupies who had followed the lads form Sydney. One guy, clearly hammered asked where they were from, twice! They did a really good job and once again I was impressed with there set (I saw them at the Hopetoun, months ago). After a short break the The Basics took to the stage. Poor Wally looked knackered. His week had been hectic since his big award and his voice was suffering a little. But being the consummate professional this only affected the crowd by the absence of ‘Rattle My Chain’ and a slight change in pitch on one of the choruses. The local crowd took over the ‘mosh pit’ about five or six songs into the set and proceeded to behave like the cast of the Dawn of the Dead who’d run out of food.

Fast Forward twenty-four hours and the 2nd November saw Edna and I at Sounds in the Grounds. Sydney Uni had turned the Manning Centre into a mini festival venue for the night with eight bands playing on two floors. The Basics opened the downstairs set and managed to perform their short set very well despite sound issues and a fog machine that all but obliterated them from view. Also, I was confused and mildly disturbed by Kris’ bitching. It seemed to have stepped up a notch, but that may have been due to starting over an hour late, the overwhelming humidity or simply that his was pissed at something we weren’t party to. Regardless, the set was good. Meanwhile, The Tongue and bLuejuice played the top stage. bLuejuice rocked. A couple of hours, a few beers and much secondary reefer smoking later, Goyte (aka Wally, the drummer from The Basics) came onto the downstairs stage looking a little refreshed. He had with him his mini orchestra. I think everyone in the Manning had crowded into the area in front of the stage, the gallery that looked down from the canteen and every other vantage point. From my dodgy spot looking down onto the top of his head I enjoyed as he opened with my personal favourites ‘The Only Way’ and ‘Out Here in the Cold’ (or was it ‘What do you want?’). I felt my heart swell as everyone joined in with the chorus of ‘Hearts a Mess’ and realized I was standing amongst students, all at least twelve years younger than me and more than familiar with him music. Although I noticed they didn’t know the words to songs off ‘Boardface’ as well.

Anyway, all in all I saw The Basics three times in a week. It was an awesome treat that I’m sure will not be repeated for a while.

Ahh... :-(

Poor Cow!

The Pharmacist

Some of you will be aware that despite only being 35 I have a problem with my blood pressure. When it’s not under control (which it currently is) it likes to sit nice and high at about 170/120. Not good and it’s all caused by a hereditary condition, not that I’m a stress bunny! Anyway, I had to get my prescription filled again today (I take two tablets daily until further notice).

I went into the chemist I’ve been going to for a year and there was a new pharmacist on duty. She took my script and set about filling it. Then she said, ‘I only have one pack of Zanidip, but I can get the other one tomorrow.’

I told her not to worry, I’d just come back next month.

Then she put the packet on the counter for the till girl to bag up and I noticed the packet looked different. It had pink on it. I reached out and picked up the pack and saw that it was 30mg. I only take 10mg!

The error was corrected, but what should I do. Some in the office have suggested I report it … suggestions please.

On a related note, this is why I don’t drink Redbull and it took research to confirm this?

Melbourne Cup

Well, only a few minutes to go before the big race of the year and these are my bets.

Twenty bucks each way on Purple Moon
Ten bucks each way on Douro Valley

...plus a couple of ramdom sweepstake tickets in the office charity drive.

UPDATE : 1526 6-11-07 - The winners were 6 Efficient, 12 Purple Moon and 24 Mahler. So I'll get something back at least. And I got to wear my special desk made fascinator.

I'm Not Sure...

...about this.

Awesome!

I happened to see V2 on Foxtel today and he was on. Singing his little heart out at the face of giant legged creatures on the moon in the video for 'Hearts a Mess' and then tonight, just now, I saw the 'Mixed Blood is number 9 in the most downloaded albums.

Go Wally, you deserve it, enjoy it.

I'm just Darn Popular

I've been busy lately. I been to gigs, actually had work to do in the office, had lunch dates with mates, long drive and had heaps of Uni work to complete. I have neglected you.

Coming soon to a blog near you is;

Two Basics reviews (one for last Friday and one for last night)
One Festival Review (where The Basics and Gotye are playing tonight)
Lunch with Miss Eudoxia who I haven't seen for an age because she's also a busy bunny
My trip to Canberra for the day with Todd to visit the naughty shops
My fiction piece for Uni (on jodiestories, I'll post after I handed it in)

Shopping Luck

On my home from work last night I decided to stop of at Coles and pick up some ham and bread to go with my beetroot for dinner. I love ham and beetroot sandwiches, what can I say, I’m sick and need help!

Anyway a few moments later and I had a few extra things ion my basket, couple loaves of bread, shampoo, hand soap, the required ham and deodorant. I got to the check outs to find a moohoosive amount of people. Just as I joined the end of the queue a nice man popped from nowhere and invited me pay at the empty checkout he had just opened.

My bill came to $33.17 so I remarked that I had just scraped enough shopping together to get a petrol coupon. He then handed me about 10 receipts from under the till. ‘Here,’ he said, ‘fill up a few times on me.’

How cool is that?

Position Vacant

JOB TITLE:Gay Best Friend
DATE REQUIRED:21st November 2007
REPORTS TO: The Management
DEPT: Fashion and Fuck Buddy Finder
SUPERVISES:Nil

JOB SUMMARY
Due to the resignation as of the 21st November of the incumbent, Todd, this high level and prestigious position has become vacant.
It requires attention to detail due to the closeness of the working relationship. It can be full on, as well as quite at times. You will be required to be a good cultural conversationalist, shoulder to cry on, a drinking partner, a dating and fashion adviser, a plus one and other duties as required.

REPORTING RELATIONSHIPS
There will no direct report in this role, however you may be occasionally called upon to assist with other friends’ fashion and dating misfortunes

DUTIES & ESSENTIAL JOB FUNCTIONS
1. Concert and gig attendance, occasionally throws underwear on stage.
2. Fashion advice and the ability to say; ‘I never want to see you wearing that thing again!’
3. The drinking of the wine and the making of cosmopolitans
4. Be able to discuss interesting books, such as Kafka and shit like that (crime novels and science fiction don’t count).
5. Must appreciate my homemade chicken liver and mushroom pate, but not bug me to make it all the time.
6. Must be able to think of and plan expensive day trips.
7. Willing to attend Star Wars on Ice and other ridiculously boring British theatrical crap.
8. Must be fit and very good looking (FYI… no actual Gay applicant would find this in the least offensive)
9. Must be able to talk about yourself at length and repeatedly to the exclusion of others. But know when to stop and at least pretend to be interested in those around you (if only to pause and think of something else to say about yourself).
10. Must be able to instantaneously come up with ridiculous, yet fun ideas, such as New Year’s resolutions to stalk famous people

OTHER FUNCTIONS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
You must be open and honest at all times. If you think something is a bad idea you must say so. The management will not hold it against you. If you think the management has made a bad fashion decision that morning you must say so. This also applies to hairstyles, make up jewellery and men. Especially men. Did I mention men?

QUALIFICATIONS
· A BA/BSc or higher qualification as the ability to converse is a must.
· The candidate would be able to instruct Management on how to suck a freight train off its rails
· The candidate would ideally have a solid track record with successful one night stands

REQUIRED
· Must read books that occasionally require a dictionary to look up big words
· Must know the difference between a wine that comes from a cardboard box and a bottle
· Must live within a 1kms radius of Surry Hills

PREFERRED


REQUIRED LICENSES/CERTIFICATIONS


PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS/WORK ENVIRONMENT
A fit and healthy person is required for this position as the hours may be odd at times. There will be late nights and early mornings. There will also be brunch in cafes about town so the ability to sit on uncomfortable and wobbly stools a must.

Todd will be available for a hand over until the 21st November, at which time he is returning to the United States to live. He has offered to assist with the handover only if the candidate is willing to sleep with him exactly twice.

Happy Halloween!

Sickity Do-Dah!

I have neglected you. I haven’t written since Monday and even then it was only brief. I have failed to notify you of what a cracking concert The Basics did on Friday. I have neglected to wax lyrical about my hangover and brunch with Todd on Saturday. I haven’t given you the low down on the student BBQ I went to on Sunday evening.

Why you ask.

I’ve been sick. I slept until 3.30 yesterday (like the sloth I am) but woke felling much better. Today I am still feeling a bit crappy with a runny nose, stuffed up head and minor aching bones. It’s giving my motivation issues with work, but I’ll get there.

Live long and prosper!

He's a Winner

Holy Crap!...


Gotye won Best Male Artist at last night ARIAS, How good is that?

He beat John Butler Trio and got to stand next to Missy Higgins. Yee Ha!

PS. Pictures from the Arias website, go here for more.

UPDATE 11:11 - He was just on Channel 10 News Update and the pronounced his name correctly.

Have You Ever - MeMe

Thanks to The Other Andrew for doing these and tipping me off. I'm supposed to tag people i believe, but just let me know if you do them by putting the URL in the comments.

1. Taken a picture completely naked?
Yes

2. Made out with a friend on your MySpace/Facebook page?
What’s Facebook ;-)?

3. Danced in front of your mirror naked?
Yes

4. Told a lie?
Yes. Loads but only for good reasons

5. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?
Err yeah…has the queen got a crown?

6. Been arrested?
Nope…always been a good girl

7. Made out with someone of the same sex?
Once, but I freaked out when she touched my boob.

8. Seen someone die?
No

9. Slept in until 5pm?
Ohh yes… it’s amazing

10. Had sex at work?
No ;(

11. Fallen asleep at work/school?
Yes, every week in physics with Mr. Puttock and I still passed. I also fallen asleep in a business meeting or five

12. Held a snake?
Yes, several at reptile displays and one that I tried to save after it had been run over, but it was to badly injured and died

13. Ran a red light?
Yes, but by accident and I resulted in an accident. No one was hurt

14. Been suspended from school?
No…I was perceived as a square, but really I was just loney so spent loads of time in the library

15. Totaled your car in an accident?
Err yes... but it was a hire car. Thank goodness I took out the extra $4 insurance to bring the excess down to $400. I came out of it with a big bump on my head, back pain a neck brace and scratch on my right arm

16. Pole danced?
No

17. Smoked?
Never, nasty habit

18. Been fired from a job?
Not technically, but as a contractor they just don’t renew your contract.

19. Sang karaoke?
Ohh Yeah baby… Rawhide is my song of choice along with Don’t Cry For Me Argentina if Todd’s not around

20. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
Yes, I joined a gym

21. Laughed until a drink came out your nose?
Yes…on many occasions

22. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Yes, I find it helps to come from a place that actually gets snow

23. Kissed in the rain?
Yes

24. Sang in the shower?
Yes (see 19. Sang karaoke?)

25. Given your private parts a nickname?
Nope

26. Ever gone out without underwear?
On occasion, but the creepy crawlies on the ground get scared and it causes plagues so I don’t do it often

27. Sat on a roof top?
Nope, sorry

28. Played chicken?
Yes

29. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Yes. NOT. HAPPY. (Sorry TOA, but you put it perfectly)

30. Broken a bone?
Yes, but only my left little toe (twice) and my index and middle finger on my left hand. But, they were painful enough to know I don’t want to break anything bigger

31. Mooned/flashed someone?
Yes, a friend of my mum’s who kept going on about how glorious my boobs where. One day I lifted my top, I was wearing a bra, but I thought he was going to wet himself, it was hilarious!

32. Shaved your head?
Yes, in March 2007, I raised $1300 for Leukaemia research

33. Slept naked?
Every night, now

34. Played a prank on someone?
What a silly question

35. Had a gym membership?
Yes, twice

36. Felt like killing someone?
Not actually killing, but a nasty accident would be nice

37. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
I think so, but never really seen it, just the watery eyes. Sorry

38. Cried over someone you were in love with?
Yes, and I don’t cry often

39. Had sex more than 10 times in one day?
I don’t count, but my guess would be NO!

40. Had Mexican jumping beans for pets?
I don’t think so, but I have had; cats, dogs, guinea pigs, rabbits, galahs, cockatiels, doves, alpacas, mohair goats, pigeons, a donkey and a tortoise. I don't think I missed anything

41. Been in a band?
No, but I’m a groupie, does that count?

42. Subscribed to Maxim?
No, does Playgirl count?

43. Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol?
Yes…it got ugly, real fast

44. Shot a gun?
Yes, many times

45. Had sex today?
No, but it’s only 4pm and feel optimistic

46. Played strip poker?
Yes, I won

47. Tripped on mushrooms?
Don’t they flatten out if you tread on them?

48. Donated Blood?
Yes in the days before I was a mad cow

49. Video taped yourself having sex?
No

50. Eaten alligator meat?
Does crocodile count, ‘cause if it does then I have and it tastes and feels like calamari.

51. Ever jump out of an airplane?
Nope and I don’t intend to unless for some reason the plane is going to fail to get me to my destination.

52. Have you been to more than 10 countries?
No…England, India, Wales, France, Spain, Greece (Corfu) and the Isle of Wight. Ohh, hang on, the Isle of Wight doesn’t count, so make it 6 and NO.

53. Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend?
Yes…but it will never happen. I’m realistic

My Primitive Brain

Again with the news!

This story I can relate to though and I believe I should shove it up the noses of the tradeys doing the work on the house next door.

I don’t know if I actually written down the sequence of events over the last few weeks, but here goes. I’m sorry to my nearest and dearest who have heard this story told through gritted teeth over gulped wine.

To set this up you need to know I live in house 139.

Four weeks ago on Sunday 30th September I was looking forward to the public holiday the next day and the sleep I would get. I had no plans except a sleep in.

0650 on the 1st October there was drilling in 141
0710 on the 2nd October there was hammering in 141 and a sign appeared in the front gate of 137 saying that they had development approval.
0705 on the 3rd October there was drilling in 141 – After I had showered, dressed and stomped about for a bit I knocked on the door of 141 and asked how long he was planning on starting at stoopid o’clock? The tradey didn’t understand English so I told nicely and with lots of hand gestures. NOT BEFORE EIGHT!
0640 on 4th October there was more hammering from 141 – My birthday and day off! I not so politely called the guy as inconsiderate arsehole and went out for the day.
0710 on 5th October.

On Sunday 7th October there was a knock on my door at about 11am. It was the neighbour from 137 asking me to sign a government document saying that it was OK for her to fix her roof (previous owner removed fireplace/supporting wall with out replacing support) I spoke with her while and we agreed that 8am was a civilised time to start and I signed the form on the condition that 8am would be the start time.

0700 on the 10th October there was hammering from 137…

This has continued (varying between 0700 and 0720) since despite me asking nicely and upping the time constraint to 7.30 on two more occasions since the first conversation on my dorrstep. Maybe I’m being unreasonable, and I concede that I could be, but now even scientist are saying I need my sleep or I’m likely to do damage, because my primative brain in leaning toward FIGHT, way more than flight.

News Smooze

I’m not generally a big reader of the news. I find it fires my blood and makes me angry, so I avoid it. I don’t buy newspapers except to read book reviews and I’ve stopped that with a subscription to ABR. Unfortunately using Yahoo! for my mail means I get news in front of me everyday. I try to avoid clicking on the teasing little titbits but I’m not always successful.

I find news reporting seems to be about sensationalising what little is happening. OK, so there have been a few things happening in Australia recently; the policeman who found his own son at the scene of a car accident, the body in the suitcase, the election and the mother to be miscarrying her baby while waiting to be seen. All of these things suck, big time, but the reason I mention them is because everyone else seems to being blamed for these tragedies.

The father was blamed for his seventeen year old son driving with too many passengers and after curfew. DOCS (Dept of Community Services) were blamed for allowing a mother to kill her son before stuffing him in a suitcase and throwing it in a duck pond. Doctors and nurses have been blamed and well, we can blame democracy for the elections, I’m sure the press will.

Now, today I read about a guy in Russia who has just been convicted of killing more than fifty people by luring them to drink vodka with him, then getting them drunk before beating them to death. He has shown no remorse and has even said that his first kill was like falling love.

Who are the press going to blame for that one; the vodka company?

Mozzies

In case you were wondering what sanding sounds like from the other side of a wall, I can now inform you, with reliability that it sounds like a giant mosquito.

I can also say with authority that it’s a very nasty sound to be woken up by when you’re already having freaky dreams.

I can’t wait for the tradey fu*kers next door to finish. They broke their promise again and commenced at 0705 this morning.

How to Stop Morons?

I was perusing news on the net this morning due to my extra ordinarily early start when I saw this brief story about a biker that had his licence suspended.

What makes anyone think that this jerk is going to stay off the road just because he’s had his license taken away?

He was going 144 in a 50 zone in the middle of the afternoon for crying out loud!

Tom Cat

I was lying in bed this morning asleep, or at least I think I was, or at the very least in the half state between sleep and awake waiting for the drilling next door to start when I heard a rat-a-tat-tat knock on my front door. I looked at the clock, 0705.

I got out of bed, opened the door a crack and hid everything but my head behind it (naked from the waist down you see). Standing on my step was the lady from next door but one. Bobbie I think her name is. She moved out yesterday.

‘Have you seen my cat?’

Well…I won’t write what went through my head at the point, but what I said was, ‘I’ve only seen my own.’

A little further investigation revealed, after all she wouldn’t leave and she kept talking about her white half Persian with blue eyes called Rocky, that her was two years old, not de-sexed, unmicro-chipped and had no collar. Also, she revealed that when she was loading up the car with all her stuff she let him out because the friends that came to help brought their dog with them.

D’oh!

I didn’t have the heart to tell her she would probably never see him again.

David Jones verses Myer

Over the course of the last few months I have had need of the services of many shopping establishments. David Jones has always been a firm favourite of mine due to their excellent service, decent brands and the fact I have a store card with them.

Myer on the other hand (or Grace Brothers until recently) have been good to me, but I never really liked their service levels and their choice of brands is sometimes lacking. Neither the less I have shopped there.

Last week I had to buy a washing machine, STAT! My lovely old Bosch that was purchased upon arrival in Australia had died. The serviceman had told me I needed a new motor and it was going to cost $600 plus to fix. So, time for a new machine. It was Friday, 3.30 in the afternoon and I went to David Jones in the hope of getting one delivered on Monday. I had a stack of washing that needed doing.

Apart from the only front loading machines being on display being Miele and all over $1500 I found the guy about as useful as a chocolate fireguard. I explained that it was an emergency and that I was rapidly running out of knickers, but he was unmoved. They had loaded the truck for Monday already and delivery could only happen on Wednesday.

So I went to Myer. My first question was, ‘can you deliver Monday?’ “NO, but you could pick it up.’ Bingo!

David Jones 0 Myer 1

This weekend I was looking for fairy lights on a white cord (for a light feature above my bed). I went into DJ’s and they had a white tree with white lights on a white cord. Bingo! But looking through the shelves of lights I could only find green corded lights, so I asked one of the many staff milling around. He looked on the shelf and didn’t find any, so he said he’d ask. He came back and informed me that that tree had been created for the catalogue only and that the lights displayed were not available for sale. False Advertising just took a point away.

So off I went to Myer. They had a small Christmas display and only a few lights out. The rest seemed to still be on brown boxes stacked on the pallet infornt of the shelf holding the lights. When I tried to find someone to ask, I waited and looked for 10 minutes. So I left.

I ended up getting the lights I needed in a shop dedicated to Christmas. The place was like a special kind of hell.

David Jones -1 Myer 1

Let the battle continue.

The Metamorphosis

It’s Sunday evening and I had decided to watch a light entertaining movie. I couldn’t be doing with anything highbrow or to taxing. I was tired and needed to check my brain before going to sleep.

You can imagine my surprise when ‘Flushed Away’, an animation from Aardman animation (those of Wallace and Gromit and Chicken Run) turned into a spot the reference. Apart form being a very good story, with likable rat characters and perfect voice casting I had trouble keeping up with the obvious and much more obscure movie and literary references.

My favourite of all of them though was when Rita is talking about money, in the kitchen, to her father and the oven falls through the floor to reveal a cockroach reading Kafka while smoking a pipe. He looks up and says, ‘you could do with a new oven though.’

A Birthday Boys Adventure

Yesterday it was Todd’s birthday. He was five years off being 39 and his birthday treat was a trip to the theatre. More precisely it was a Darren Hayes concert.

The evening started with drinks in Roof Bar. I gave him his pressie (he loved the two books I had wrapped for him) while we drank champagne with strawberries. Dinner followed after we descended the single floor to Sky Phoenix Chinese restaurant. Rachel and Eve joined us for dinner and we feasted on chicken and sweetcorn soup, Peking duck, prawn sesame toasts, pork dim sims, Singapore style king prawns, Mongolian lamb, shredded beef and mixed veggies. We also polished off a couple of bottles unwooded chardonnay.

With only minutes to spare before the 8pm start we dashed the half block to the State theatre. The support band came on about three minutes after we had sat down. If you want the review, read the next entry, I’m reviewing our night here, not the bands. Anyway, we didn’t really want to see the support band so we all went out into the foyer and had another sparkling tipple or two. Just before Darren was due on, Eve and I convinced Todd that a true groupie/stalking would throw their pants onstage, so a quick trip to the Gents saw Todd pantless, but it fell to Eve and I to write his name and phone number on them with foundation. When the foundation hadn’t dried nearly thirty minutes later, I blotted it with my shirt…god I hope it comes out. Well, he couldn’t scrunch them up and throw them at Darren if they were all smudgy.

The concert was great. Lasers, moveable set and back up singers. The works!

Afterwards I collected a little of the paper that fell from the rafters as part of the finale, then Todd announced he was going backstage. We all looked at him in disbelief as he got up and walked towards the door marked ‘Authorised Personnel Only’, we quickly followed. He walked straight through; we said ‘we’re with him,’ and got through too. That’s where we stopped, but he just kept on going, bold as brass, past the wall of black transport cases before disappearing around the corner and out of sight.

The three of us stood like lemons in the corridor for about ten minutes before Eve said she had to go home and left, leaving Rachel and I standing there. Rachel had a mini breakdown at this point and started crying about how much she missed Todd and didn’t want him to leave etc. I consoled her until a guy asked,’Are you with the party?’

I wasn’t quick enough and said, ‘Nope, we’re waiting for a friend.’ D’oh! I must learn to fib quicker.

Having not heard from Todd after about fifteen minutes, Rachel and I decided to leave too. When we reached the top of the stairs, I looked at my mobile to see that I had missed three calls from Todd. At that point Rachel picked up a call from him saying ‘I’m in his room!’ before the call dropped.

We got back inside to be met by a rather giddy and very excited Todd. ‘I got kicked out!’ he shouted at us, but he was so happy about it. “I was one drink away from serving Darren Hayes!’

Further investigation (when he’d calmed down a bit) revealed that having got to DH room there was about 70 people in the room, but the bar was unmanned. So, being the resourceful old bastard that he is, he played bar tender. He served a lady who didn’t drink Merlot and spent ten minutes talking to Darren’s parents (his dad took two beers). He got rumbled just as Darren was about to be served.

When I asked why Darren was queuing for a drink at his own concert Todd replied,
‘Well, he’s not Madonna is he.’

Mr. Happy

Happy Birthday Mate!

I won't tell anyone you're dirty thirty six today.

Weekend Festivities

So I fitted most of what was on into one weekend. I did however, miss out on Supanova ‘cause I was too knackered form the day before. I stayed home and relaxed on Sunday with a little telly and some uni homework.

How many bands are too many to see in one day? This is the question I asked myself on Friday night when planning out my Saturday. I was off the Price Alfred Park and the Surry Hills Festival to see Watussi and bLuejuice before wandering up the road to the Hopetoun Hotel for the Slip into the Sun Festival. In total I had ten bands to see, eight of them I had never seen before.

Watussi played Jamaican influenced jazz that fitted perfectly with the sun, beer and outdoor style of the gig. I can imagine that at an indoor gig it would get annoying really quickly, but outdoors it was just chillin’ man.

bLuejuice came out to a very appreciative crowd wearing their trademark checked shirts, jeans and t-shirts and other random accessory. This time it was a leather face mask. They rocked the marquee and had a little help from a drunken audience member how insisted on getting onstage on three occasions. Finally, she was escorted from the premises just as the boys were finishing their sixty minute set.

After a quick walk up the road I arrived at a very quiet Hopetoun Hotel. There was the door Punk with attitude, the bar staff and a couple of others watching the first band of the day. It was broad daylight outside, being only four fifteen in the afternoon, and natural flooded the bar. It was actually quite pretty.

Dead Farmers was a three piece local band that played a classic Aussie rock set, loads of drum sounds and overbearing guitar. I can’t say I remember any lyrics, but that was because I couldn’t really hear the vocals.

Hand Me my Jet Pack the second three piece of the day. They had an odd mic set up. Rather than facing out to the audience they faced into toward each other, it gave the impression they were singing to each other and left little room for engagement with the audience. The drummer had impeccable comic timing, but that was ruined by the bands reliance of feedback, guitar shaking and tap tap of strings. Shame really because I would have liked to have heard ‘Our Cars Run on Maths’.

The Sky Falling was under prepared for their slot as three out of eight. The lead singer /guitar player had issues with both his six string and twelve string being out of tune as well as his singing. He was terrible. They didn’t even look like they played together. A mixture of jeans and t-shirts was highlighted by the good-looking guy dressed in head to toe ivory cotton wear (could have been hemp) with wooden beads around his neck. He looked like he was off to the ashram straight after the gig. Afterwards the lead singer said to me, ‘we’re normally better than that’, Punk with Attitude said, ‘No, they’re not.’

Skull Squadron looked the part and sounded better than any of the proceeding three. All three members were dressed in black, good, they looked they were together. They liked instrumental sections and there were plenty, heaps of waha’s and lots of kneeling resulting in pedal fiddling. Their songs all blended into one, but that may have been clever segues or just that they all sounded the same.

I didn’t like Sound like Sunset at all…it’s forty-five minutes of my life that I will never get back. All I could hear were the drums. I felt like Quasimodo and that’s never a good feeling to instil in your audience.

The place had filled up a bit.

Richard in Your Mind came on about 9pm. I had been watching bands since just after one. But this was a band I actually wanted to see. I’d seen back in June when I first saw bLuejuice and I wanted to see if they had changed. They had, they were even better than I remembered. With mixture of bird song, folky electro-pop and Indian soul they worked their way through their set. A strobe light lite up Richards Buddy Holy glasses very well and it was at that point that I realised every member of the band was wearing similar glasses. They were good.

Up next was Holy Soul. The lead singer was geeky looking but somehow it worked with the Pink Floyd crossed with Squeeze psychedelic sound. I’d had enough by this point and had stopped taking notes. I had decided to go with the flow and enjoy myself and the last two bands of the evening. The Punk with Attitude was having a time of it too, he’d been up since Friday morning and was hanging out til midnight for a couple of cans of Redbull before heading off to his second job, DJing at a club on Oxford Street.

The final band of the evening was Red Sun Band. They were good.

(844 words)

Whether the Weather Shines

I often get asked why I moved to Aussie from the UK. I have two responses; for family reason and the weather sucks in the UK.

Yesterday and last night was a great example of the great weather they have down under. I got a new washing machine yesterday (old one broke, derr!;-)) and I had heaps of washing to do. Normally, wet knickers and t-shirt go in the tumble dryer, and cotton and linen shirts go on a rack to dry (tumble dryer shrinks them). Yesterday each wash load went on the line and was dry by the time the next wash load had finished, ninety minutes later. But the best, was the final wash of the evening, it came out at 11.54pm and I put it on the line.

This morning when I went out at just after eight, it was all dry.

Ahh…bring on Summer!

Evil Genius

Imagine if you will that you are an evil genius. You know someone witnessed you murder a good guy and you also know that all attempts to silence that witness (kill) have failed. You also know that said witness is on his way to testify against you and they are travelling by plane. You still need to silence the witness, do you;

A. Wait ‘til he reaches the other side of his journey and have a snipper waiting outside the airport.
B. When he reaches his hotel (that the FBI is putting him up in) send in a small Russian assassin, posing as a waitress and a natty little knife in her shoe
C. Fill a box with deadly snakes, spray them with pheromones that make them super aggressive, set a timer to release the snakes mid flight and just hope that your snakes get to the witness before the bad-ass FBI agent gets really pissed off.

As you probably guessed I’m talking about the fabulously imaginatively named Snakes on a Plane, starring Samual L. Jackson.

I saw it last night while doing the ironing and what a heap of poo. It’s so bad it’s good. A B-movie with a big budget and big star. Go see it even if only for the gratuitous nudity, shameless biting of cocks and the pompous English businessman being consumed whole by the randomly placed boa.
See it, have a laugh, don’t take it seriously and most importantly remember to have a pre-set on your microwave for snake cooking.

4 taipans out of a possible 5

Great Line

Hank : How come I don't know your name?
Girl : You just have to ask.
Hank : Well, let's not stand on ceremony.
Girl : Trixy
Hank : That is a terrific name. If you're a hooker!

A little bit of Politics

In the new again today is a story about Prime Minister John Howard not saying sorry for the actions of people in the past.

The actions of white people in the past have been terrible, but neither he, nor I nor you were around in the seventeen and eighteen hundreds when these things started happening. Even things that happened in the twentieth century where not ordered by him.

My personal feeling is that if he was to apologies, it would mean nothing. If he was apologising for his actions I could understand the calls from indigenous leaders for an apology, but for him to apologies for the action of others, in the past, is like asking George Bush to say sorry to the American Indians for all the atrocious they suffered. It doesn’t make sense and it’s never going to happen.

It has been acknowledged that the Aborigines and Torres Strait Islanders were the original inhabitants of this wide brown land. It has also been acknowledged that they have been treated badly. Please accept those acknowledgements by way of an apology. Surely this is better than a meaningless apology?

I have conducted a small, informal survey around the office and 8 out of 11 people think a sorry would be meaningless.

Salty Williams

When Edna came to Australia just over eighteen months ago she had to leave behind her beloved Salty Williams. She has been back to the UK to see him twice during her time here. Yesterday Salty passed away. He was just two and half.

May he Rest in Peace in the giant field of carrots and baby corn that all good bunnies go to.

Rattle My Chain

In line with everyone who loves The Basics. Volvo has decided to use one of their tunes in an ad campaign. Congratulations lads!

Weekend Plans

As of this morning I had no real plans for this coming weekend. Maybe a drink with Sally on Friday night, maybe not. Maybe a walk in centennial park with David (my camera), may be not. The weekend was my wandering oyster.

This afternoon I took a look through Drum Media and The Brag, both free sheets and both about the music and things to do about Sydney.

Now the list of stuff I want to do looks like this;

Friday Night – Ghostwood with supports at the Hopetoun (I could still do this with Sally)
Saturday – Surry Hills Festival (actually an all day event 9am – 6pm, with live music including the Falls and bLuejuice, food, stalls and the normal festival to-do)
Saturday – Slip into the Sun Festival at the Hopetoun (3pm til late), live music all day from the likes of Richard on my Mind, Hand me my Jetpack and The Dead Farmer amongst many others.
Sunday – Supanova 2007 out at Homebush, it’s a comic book convention and Nicolas Brandon from Buffy will be there. Always fancied going and checking out a nerd comicbook/sci-fi convertion ... sorry a pop culture expo. (timetable)

What to do, What to do!

A&E

As I was preparing to do a little uni work last night in the peace and quite of a deserted office, Kathleen rushed in with tears in her eyes and squeaked out ‘I’m bleeding badly’. She’s seventeen weeks pregnant.

So I bundled her into a taxi and upon arrival at the A&E department of the Prince of Wales hospital in Randwick she checked in we sat down to wait. After about twenty minutes she was seen by a Triage Nurse and asked for a urine sample and had a finger prick test. Then we waited again. Kathleen’s mum turned up but was being a tad negative so I decided to stay until she was called in by the doctor. I was being my usual cheerful self, telling amusing stories and trying to take her mind of the fact she was in hospital.

But we couldn’t help comment on the fact that she was pregnant and fearful for her baby’s life. And despite it all turning out well (she’s got a small infection, not baby related) we couldn’t help comparing the situation to Jana Horska who miscarried her baby in the waiting room toilet of A&E at the Royal North Shore Hospital in late September. There is now an enquiry into waiting times for pregnant women and a list as long as my arm of women who have come forward with similar stories from the last few years.

Surely with all this happening it’s unwise to let the doctor see a drug addict after only forty-five minutes and leave the mother-to-be to wait for three hours?