Belly Dance Attempt

Edna and I were due to go belly dancing last night, but it was not to be. We got side tracked by the lure of cider and a blues band.

Proper Breaststroke

After a long day shopping and Dorising about with Edna in Bondi Junction Shopping Centre and Newton and a bus trip (another story – I went on a Bus, see below) I got home about 9.30pm and decided to try out one of my new swimming cossies (black Speedo) and my sexy new blue goggles (Speedo Mariners). I swan 26 lengths tonight, not my usual 50, but then I did at least 20 of tonight’s in proper breaststroke, you know where you put your head underwater and breath on the up stroke. It is much harder and faster than the way I have been swimming over the last few days, which has been the ladies ‘don’t get the top of you head wet’ type of swimming.

Anyway, I did 26 (a combo of breast strokes and back stroke) lengths in 18.5 minutes.

(137 words)

I went on a Bus!

After wandering around Bondi Junction for a few hours on my own and then with Edna, purchasing goodies such as cossies, work clothes (see her blog for that tale), make up and a snazzy new fountain pen for me, we decided to go to Newton and look in Reactor Rubberwear, Wildthing and Gallery Serpentine. All fall into the category of ‘bad’ shops for me, (bad shops = likely to spend money in them, good shop = not like to spend money in them).

Because my hubby had the car for the day we were required (by distance) to take public transport, options were Train or bus. Edna opted for the bus, so I dug deep for some change and followed her on. It seems that people don’t queue anymore so I was jostled before I finally got to ask for a ticket. The bus was nearly full so we were seated separately. After 10 yards the bus stopped again and another 40 people tried to squeeze in, including an old lady. My manners being what there are, meant I offered her my seat, which meant I was now forced to stand in the ‘No Standing’ area near the rear doors.
Another 10 yards, 1 person got off, 10 got on. How many people can they fit into the sardine can. No wonder they have those little hammers above all the windows!

We finally made it to the spot were we had to change buses. Buddha on a bus! After all there were no bicycles involved. I had to walk to another stop and wait nearly 15 minutes for the connecting bus.

When the next one arrived, it was partially full and we had the luxury for a few yards of putting our shopping bags down. But it was not to last, for at the next stop we were shuffled down to the back of the bus to hang on for dear life. I was starting to get a little comfortable when we swung into a corner that saw me slowly leaning back, trying not to lose my footing, as I was forced to lean further and further back by the way the driver took the corner. I couldn’t see the face of the woman in the seat behind me, but I’m pretty sure she was panicking that I was about to land in her lap. I didn’t, but soon after I found a spot to wedge myself so it didn’t happen again.

We arrived at our location at the top of King Street and Enmore Road to be rewarded with yummy ice cream in Dolce and Gelato.

(437 words)

Back to Swimming – Week One

On Wednesday in ‘Migraine Repair’ I mentioned I had been swimming for the first time in ages and I’ve been again yesterday and today, so I’ve decided to keep a mini journal about my progress. That way, I will have to keep going ‘cause buddies will nag if they don’t see the new figure/s (won’t you Miss E and Edna?) I’ve even decide to invest in a new goggles and cossie ‘cause I worked out that the little navy blue Speedo number I’m using at the mo is getting on for 12 years old. Not bad that I can still fit into it, but time for retirement I think.

On Wednesday I did about 40 – 50 length spread over about an hour and twenty minutes, with lots of aqua aerobics between lengths
Yesterday, Thursday I did 50 or 52 (I lost count about 26) in just over an hour, not as much poncing about.
Today, Friday, I took my stop watch with me, ‘cause I wanted a proper benchmark and I did 50 in 40 minutes. I had to really push through the last 10, espaililly the last 5 as my shoulders were feeling the ‘burn’.

The pool in a 20 metre lap pool.

(203 words)

List of Ten

After a brief IM chat with my buddy Edna late last night I thought I would share something. We all have celebs that given the chance we'd spend time with, fool around with or even at a push, get down and dirty with.

While I understand tecnically it's only supposed to be a list of five, I have real trouble with that number so I doubled it. I figure with 10 I have more chances.
Here's my list and this is in no particular order (I've even incuded a little montage for your viewing pleasure ;-)

Hugh Jackman
Val Kilma
Clint Eastwood
Robbie Williams
Kevin Bacon
Gale Harold
Sam Rockwell
Rob Thomas
Jeff Bridges
Jimmy Nail

Now...Who's on your list? I want to add one more... I know this makes me really greedy as my tag line says...It's my blog!

Christian Bale

ANTM 7-4

Monique and Melrose were at each others throats this week, brought about Monique wipes her pants on Melrose’s bed covers. Ewk!

The challenges were all about runway walking and started with a tightrope practice, then walking on cobble stones on heels. Ankles were twisted. The winner of the cobble stone challenge got to pick 3 friends to go and walk at a charity fashion show in Austin, Texas. So AJ, CariDee and Megg got to meet Dennis Quaid.

The photo shoot was a runway shot with the photographer at the end. The runway was across the middle of a swimming pool. With the panels of the runway moving underfoot it was only a matter of time before one of the girls slipped off. And Eugena was that girl!

Monique was sick, so didn’t partake in the photo shoot

Tyra was looking sassy in a denim long line corset, while Twiggy wore purple.

Monique and Eugena were in the bottom two. Monique went home.

Migraine Repair

I had to leave work early today. I woke up this morning with a blossoming migraine which meant I spent the first few hours at my desk looking like a diva with sun glasses on at my desk. I got home just before 12 (had to cancel my lunch date with Katie Kate) and went to bed. I lay there in the dark for a couple of hours before deciding to try some different to drugs and sleep. Granted I had taken the drug earlier, but something new was on the cards.

I went downstairs to the pool for a gentle swim. It was quite down there, funnily enough I was alone at 1.30 in the afternoon and I slowly swam laps. I total I did about 50 which ain’t bad considering I have done NO real exercise since I broke my arse bone in June, or was it July, can’t remember.

Then I sat in the spa for about ten minutes (very relaxing), then I lay in the Sauna for a while until some pillock turned of the heat. I was laying there all warm and cosy thinking about a story I might like to write when I could feel it getting colder. So Now i'm back at home teling you about my revalation into migaine healing.

Now I’m feeling dull, but not painful. So I think it worked a little! Just off to bed…see ya later.

I Heart Robbie

I am now the proud owner of Rudebox, the latest offering from the stud muffin also known as Robbie Williams. I’m listening to it now for the umpteenth time since I handed over my $24.95 yesterday.

I have of course come to the conclusion that he has completely lost the plot, but that’s just one of the reasons why I love him. It has some great beats thats gets the shoulders bopping and a great cover of Kiss Me by Stephen Duffy. He reminisces his way through the 80’s and 90’s with witty tales of sex, drugs, smoking and joining Take That. Of course it has Rudebox and Lovelight on it, but once again it’s the really personal songs that are the best.

But my favourite has to be Good Doctor, it sounds a bit like Cat Empire, but very funny and I love the following lines
‘Robbie Williams take one Adervil with water in the morning’, He wants me to take one tablet, I’m Keith Moon, DICKhead’.
‘That’s right if I take them for more than four day in a row I get that haunted look,’ and the closing line, ‘No St. John’s Wort ‘cause I can get that at Boots.’

These are just a few of the great one liners throughout the album.

Cityscape

I've been at it again...poetry class is tomorrow and I have to hand in 10 new poems in two weeks. What'ca think?

Birds fly above in sky,
Seagulls, minors and sparrows.
Feeding on the wing, dining
out on insects that flutter.

The taxi’s nip both in/out,
the bus stops on the bell,
on coloured lights, traffic flows
white lines shine, the way ahead.

High heels tap out a beat
slipped over fishnets or socks
Shoulders bear and jackets on
sequined tops, casual tees.

Eatery doors wide open,
scents assault the senses
noodles, sauce, garlic, love
patrons sat in windows, eat

Watching, I stroll the street
aware of descended light
A wonder how much the same
the street in day, now night.

Quotes

Whilst searching for funky change related quotes today I came across these that I thought I would share with you;

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
E. B. White (1899 - 1985) best known for writting Charlotte's Web

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
E. Joseph Crossman

Hellfire October

I went out with my buddy Sam, to Hellfire last night. I got kitted out in fishnets, black pants, white corset and black tail coat. I even had a funky cane (made myself with a piece of doweling rod painted black with a brass doorknob) and coachman hat. I looked rather dapper if I do say so myself. Sam was dressed as a school boy, down to the blue and grey striped sports socks, ruler and note pad with lines.

Some smart arse on Oxford Street made a ‘Cabaret’ comment as we where crossing the road and I was very dignified and ignored him. Until another comment came from him that resulted in me calling him a prick!

Anyway, in the club the music was pumping and my fellow fetishists were out in force. Lovely buxom ladies and skinny ladies in corsets made from leather, PVC and rubber and well as classic satin, big guys quite happy to expose growing bellies and bear chests under their harnesses. Skinny guys dressed head to foot in rubber and every other form of fetish wear you can imagine. Dog boy was there as usual, walking around in nothing but a leather g-string and dog collar carrying his bowl. I love it…it’s a place were you can be yourself and no one judges!

Over a few drinks Sam and I people watched (as we do) and then we each chatted to others around us (as we do). I met a guy who was there on his own, dressed in all black, no rubber or PVC, just cotton and as it turned out a foot fetishist. He told me that the first time he came he got really drunk, ‘cause he was embarrassed, then proceeded to fall asleep, but because he managed to hold his beer upright he wasn’t kicked out This was his second tie and he was still relatively sober. He was single and when I asked if had any mates he could bring, he replied ‘It’s hardly something you bring up while watching the football “Hey, I’m into feet, anyone fancy coming to Hellfire with me?”’

I was impressed with one first timer. He was dressed up as Wally (Waldo if you’re from the US). Blue trousers, red and white sweater and red and white bobble hat. He told me he was into being dominated when asked him about his choice of costume, when I asked ‘what’s that got to do with Wally?’ he replied, ‘well he’s lost and just wants to be found.’

(422 words)

My Stories

I updated my stories page today with a couple of new naughty stories. Enjoy!

ANTM 7-3

There was lots of eye rolling from Jay M. this week during the makeovers followed by a major bollocking!

The first task was to select makeup, wardrobe and accessories while rushing for a lift (elevator), Megg missed the first one and Monique missed the next meaning that Monique was nasty for the rest of the night, which meant she spent nearly three and a half hours on the phone.

It was the funky hair shot that saw the potential in the girls. Melrose who played diva last week shone, as did twin Amanda.

Megan and Jadea were in the bottom two, newly blonde Megan went home.

(106 words)

Job Interview

No Apologies, but this one may offend those with Religious beliefs!

I went for a job interview today. It was to work on major 2008 event in a senior position. I have to confess to being tempted by the lack of support resources, 10 hour days, pathetic pay and no life for two years to have such an event on my CV (resume) until I was told I would have to sign a Code of Ethics Declaration. The guy interviewing me told me that they had not engaged a graphic design house because they had worked on the Gay Games and a woman had been fired ‘cause she was divorced.

I walked away thinking to myself ‘Are you kidding me? My best friend is gay, and I regularly go to gay bars with him and his partner (proud to be a fag hag) and I go to fetish clubs, my mother is divorced and married three times.’ When I got back to my current office I looked up this Code of Ethics on their website and found that it must also be disclosed if you are on the contraceptive pill (tick), and it would be considered harmful to have any associations with (among other things) pornography (I write BDSM erotica), serious credit card debt (it’s a lot but not unmanageable) and have/or have had depression or other psychological disorders (three years on Zoloft, thank you for saving my life).

After looking at the Code of Ethics I looked up the 10 Commandments (I couldn’t remember them all) and thought I would share my thoughts on a few of them;

Thou shalt have no other gods before me
What about Budda, Shiva, Mohammad and all the other gods worshipped by other cultures around the world? I think they all have something to good to say, but I worship none. I believe Do unto Others and be a good person.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images
I love taking pictures of graves and think the Iron Maiden album covers are the best.

Thou shalt not take the name of the lord thy God in vain
Christ on a bicycle, how would we exclaim horror without it! (thanks E for that one;-)

Honour thy father and thy mother
I do honour my mother and all of her three husbands, all of whom I credit with being a father to me.

Thou shalt not kill
Not even white tail and funnel web spiders and dry-goods moths?

Thou shalt not steal
I haven’t done that since I stole a bar of soap from a chemist and hid it under the fridge. The cat rumbled me and I had to take it back and apologise.

So… I have called my agent, told him I’m a depressed killer, contraceptive taking, fag loving, leather wearing thief, child of divorce, heathen and would therefore be unable to sign the Code of Ethics, Thank you for the opportunity.

Don’t you just love the understanding, tolerant nature of the Church?

(495 words)

UPDATE 10.10pm 23-10-06 : I just relised a little while ago the irony of all this. The Pope is coming to Sydney and wil be saying Mass for upward of 250,000 people in a place made for gambling (Randwick Racecourse) and gambling was one of things on the Ethics thingy!

Apple Crumble

After last weeks classes, I was inspired to try something a bit different. I wrote a little thing about apples. It was really tame and uninteresting, so I tried again, and again, and again. I rewrote my little apple poem 8 times before it turned ito the form you see below. When I showed it to my lecturer today, he liked it!

Bowater Frank

Whilst in the loo at work today (as a mere mortal I have to visit the smallest room ;-) I noticed that the toilet roll holders are provided by Bowater and it made me remember a date I had many moons ago…

I was in my late teens and I had been single for a little while, working as I did in a military barracks and not wanting to be the camp bike, I had made a rule not to sleep with any army personnel. So I responded to a Personal Ad in the local paper in the newspaper instead. So much better, don’t you think? I did, but then my 19 year old brain told me it was better at the time. Now, with the benefit of hindsight I would have taken my chances with the fit army officers, but hey, we all know hindsight is a bitch!

After many letters and phone calls (before the days of email) with ‘Frank’, we decided to meet and take our dogs for a walk. He lived about a 20 minute drive from me, owned his own home, was 29 and was an accountant for Bowater Scott. So, on the day in question he arrived at the appointed time for the little jaunt with our dogs. I had Ben, the German shepherd, he had Jock the dachshund.

I invited him in and he sat in the kitchen with Jock on his lap talking to me and my Mum (yes…my Mum grilled him too), before we set of on the walk. Kingley Vale was our destination, it’s a big hill (Ordnance Survey Grid Ref: SU821103) with a Viking burial mounds on the top, spectacular views and is quite a good workout.

Now you have to do some work…image, we are half way up the hill, the dogs are having fun, we are kinda getting on when he slips on some mud and lands on his arse!

What do you do? You don’t do what I did, which was bust out a laugh before catching myself then rushing to console him. The rest of the walk was spent in relative silence and I never heard from him again.

But for some reason every time I see a Bowater loo roll dispenser I think of him and his little dog and wonder if it was the laugh or the lack of things in common that drove him away. I’ll never know, but I do know that he will be with me whenever I go to the loo while working here!


(403 words)

13 Things...

1. Paraskevidekatriaphobia is the official name for a fear of Friday the 13th
2. If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck (Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names).
3. There are 13 witches in a coven.
4. To the ancient Egyptians, life was a quest for spiritual ascension which unfolded in stages, 12 in this life and a 13th beyond, thought to be the eternal afterlife. The number 13 therefore symbolized death.
5. Twelve gods were invited to a banquet at Valhalla. Loki, the Evil One, god of mischief, had been left off the guest list but crashed the party, bringing the total number of attendees to 13.
6. The Bible tells us there were 13 present at the Last Supper. One of the dinner guests/disciples, betrayed Jesus Christ, setting the stage for the Crucifixion.
7. You should never change your bed on Friday; it will bring bad dreams.
8. Don't start a trip on Friday or you will have misfortune.
9. Ships that set sail on a Friday will have bad luck – as in the tale of H.M.S. Friday ... One hundred years ago, the British government sought to stop the superstition among seamen. A special ship was commissioned, named 'H.M.S. Friday' They laid her keel on a Friday, launched her on a Friday, selected her crew on a Friday and hired a man named Jim Friday to be her captain. To top it off, H.M.S. Friday embarked on her maiden voyage on a Friday, and was never seen or heard from again.
10. A poll of 7361 shows that 56% are not at all superstitious, 26% are just a little bit superstitious and 17% are freaky Friday about it.
11. The original Friday the 13th movie was made in 1980 and had the tagline of ‘Fridays will never be the same again’.
12. Friday the 13th on which one breaks a mirror, walks under a ladder, spills the salt, and spies a black cat crossing one's path could be considered the unluckiest day of all.
13. Unlucky Friday + Unlucky 13 = Unluckier Friday.

Hot, Hotter, Hottest

Today in Sydney it is hot! But unlike a normal Sydney day it is 30degrees plus with very little humidity. It is devine.

Roll on Summer.

Update 13/10/06 2122 : It's over 26degrees still and the moths are playing kamikarzi with the windows.

Is It Just Me?

I was in the local café this morning ordering my large fruit salad (I’m being good at the moment) and a girl shouted over my shoulder to the guy who was serving me ‘you got any croissants with strawberry jam?’ The guy was extremely polite and said no before she huffed off without another word.

Now as I sure you know, I’m quite tolerant of rudeness ;-), but that was out of order. It was like the girls in the café at Uni the other day. As they got up they knocked a glass to the floor and it broke. They just left it, didn’t say a word. Shortly after a student came along, being poor he couldn’t afford shoes and he very nearly stepped in the broken glass. It was cleaned up promptly by a mightily pis*ed off proprietor.

So the question is this; Is it just me that thinks these things are rude?

Ohh…and in case you are wondering, I don’t spend as much time in café’s as this entry would suggest. 2-3 minutes tops for my fruit salad each morning and about 10 minutes waiting for my lecture to start on Tuesday ;-)

(196 words)

ANTM 7-2

13 went into a house with only 11 beds. Monique spilled water on one to mark it as her own by telling the other girls she wet herself. Melrose turned into the house mother by cooking dinner and telling them they had to wash up.

Catwalk exercise and a photo shoot that explored ‘Model Sterotypes’. Anorexic, druggy and dumb blonde …

Christian went home. Melrose was really close to it!

Wikipedia and Official sites.

The Mystery of the Bearded Lady

Since I started my poetry classes I have been trying to write a short poem about ladies that don’t exercise some sort of hair removal on their top lip or chin. I confess to sometime getting a stray hair on my chin (now I’m older) and have taken to carrying tweezers in my handbag. If I ever have the same on the top...off to S I go, and it will become part of the usual wax works.

Anyway...in my classes there is a mix of ladies, both young and old and I am amazed by the amount whom have this massive amount of growth that they just leave. One lady in particular is always dressed immaculately and from what I know about hair, spends a lot on hers. Last night she was sitting next to me and talking, the light caught her just right to trigger a ‘da dah’ moment and I wrote this ;-) Odd subject for a poem I know...but it made me chuckle!

Thin painted lips,
but nothing disguises
the moustache that pushes forth
on the top lip
that should be soft and smooth.

Bleach has been tried and tested true
the tips show light
the shadows cast makes it
spiders legs, hairy and eight

If it were legs
or the pits of the arms
be shaved, waxed or peroxide blonde.
My guess is wax or the razor,
so why not wax the face?
Whiskers favoured.

These boots...

...are NOT made for walking!

But as you can see, the Polish brothers got it all sorted in the end.

I got to spent Saturday night in the bush. There was a full moon and refreshingly clean air. I was inspired (as I find myself often these day) to write something about it and sat out bu the pool and wrote the following;

Moonlit Night

It’s daylight now
the moon is bright,

the shadows stretch,
long fingers creep.

Ruffling feathers
in tree tops height,

cicadas hide,
hidden from view,

frogs chorus loud
crescendo deep.

Bright eyed bunny
with rays shining.

Stillness surrounds
crystal clean air,

crisp with freshness
sends chill to bones.

Nocturnal beats
scurry and hide,

ground dwellers run
aware of flight,

mosquitoes bite
feasted on flesh.

Interrupted.
By none and some,

Stars dimmed for once
lunar out shone.

It’s back , It’s season seven …

…of American’s Next Top Model!

Yes... and my apologies in advance for mentioning it once in a while or more often.

I know that we are a few weeks or months behind when it was originally broadcast and the season is probably already finished…I can’t give you a link just yet ‘cause I don’t want to see who makes it through the first couple of rounds.

Cyndel from LA was one of the first 33 to go when they did the first cut down to 21. She stood in front of Tara, and the two J’s and said that her job as a stripper was just like modeling.

From the 21 girls Evita, wife and mother of two went home, as did Ginger. Just 18 and from a strict religious background, she wouldn’t pose for more than two shots in the buff. The next cut left us with the final 13.

So the playing field looks like this;
Amanda 18, tall skinny and blonde, one of twins
Anchel 19, tall skinny and dark, Indian in fact, she has a problem with self esteem and cries a lot.
A.J. 20, not so tall skinny and very short dark spiky
Brooke 18, tall skinny and blonde.
Caridee 21, tall skinny and blonde. Possibly this years Jade.
Christian 19, tall skinny and dark
Eugena 21, tallish skinny and dark.
Jaeda 18, tall skinny and dark
Megg 18, tall skinny and wavy blonde. A rock chick.
Melrose 23, tall skinny and blonde. Her name is Melissa Rose, but she don’t need the issa! Possibly this years Jade.
Megan 22, tallish skinny and short blonde.
Michelle 18, tall skinny and blond, twin number two.
Monique 19, tall skinny and dark, the youngest of four children and her mother has always made a point of telling her skin is too dark.

All together now...frame the face!

(306 words)

Birthday Pictures

I spent the day doing nothing but dreaming and taking photos of flowers and things around the house. Prehaps my buddie Edna is correct...I am get sentimental in my old age...or maybe it's just mental!

Pink bottle brush

Waratah

Charlotte - is a house spider, she will do you no harm and has taken up residence next to and on the loofer that never gets used.

Bertie was one month old yesterday, so I thought you might light to see an updated picture of him.

For my bithday I got a leather desk blotter, 'cause I do a lot of writting on paper with a fountain pen as well as here. A massive book of all the stuff ever written (that we know about) by Shakspeare, 1001 Movies you must see before you die, I've been through and marked the ones I've seen already (it didn't make a dent in teh amount I still have to see) and a 2GB USB key. I also got something I never wanted in my house 'cause I am of the belief that even Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie would look crap on one, but somehow my repeating this over and over and over didn't sink in, so I also got a Webcam.

I also wrote a poem today...it's a work in progress, but please feel free to tell me what you think...

Going Bush

Light

City smog
Blinding lights
Honking horn

Out of the city
Driven to remove
myself from the noise
the lights and hussle
bustle. Freeway north.

The lights fade to nothingness,
rumble of the road beneath,
the window down, air flows free
country road winds to the left
winds its way deeper into dark,
dark that sees the shadows dance
floating on wheels, mopoke sings

Jasmine floats in air, clearing the mind.
The city left behind tonight, to
escape the bonds of the day to day.
Relax with the rustle in the trees
wallabies and possums freely bound
under the moons watchful light, sweeping
breeze watfs chinese tea from the bushes
smells of burning wood invade, clearing,
thoughts of tranquility here tonight.

Music and Feelings

Over the last few days I have spent quite a bit of time in the car and have been listening to CD’s and the radio. I’m stunned and at the way the songs seem to speak to me a lot more than they used too. Maybe it the poetry stuff I’ve been doin’ but maybe it got something to do with my state of mind at the moment.

Some songs speaking to me are ; ‘Sorry’ by Madonna, U and Ur Hand by P!nk, This is How a Heart Breaks by Rob Thomas, Bad to the Bone by I’m not sure, She’s always a Woman by Billy Joel, Feeling Good sung by Michael Buble and Oh very Young by Cat Stevens. But then anything by Cat Stevens is the best…so that’s not new.

What songs are speaking to you?

Update 10.50am 5th October : The Worst Hangover Ever by The Offspring seems to be meaning more to me too...I'd forgotten about that one!

Happy Birthday

...to me!

At 10.40am on this day in 1972 I was born in Chertsey, UK.

Well done Muv for giving birth to such an absolutely fabulous chick!

I'm the cute chickie wearing the hat in the bath! I think I'm 3 in this shot...a style guru in the making.
The other one in my older, smelly footed brother.

The First Results are In!

I just got my results back from my Poetry portfolio handed in for marking. I handed in 6 poems (including the ones on here in earlier entries) I got a Credit. No quite a distinction, but better than a Pass and way better than a fail.