Indulgence

A few things have happened recently that have led me down the path of another self indulgent blog post. The last time I put my feelings down I lost a friend, so I would like to clarify that I’m not having a go at anyone, this is my blog and about how I am currently feeling.

Anyway, I’ve been sick. All last weekend was spent in the bathroom, so my mood perfectly matched the weather, grey and stormy. I think this sickness has been brought about by me not getting enough sleep/rest because I am currently working two jobs. My normal 8.30 – 5 office job still happens, but straight after I go off to work until 2am as a receptionist. I get paid a pittance, but because of the Christmas/New Year office shutdown I had a two week enforced holiday and as a contractor I don’t get paid, but I still have to feed Puss. So second job it is. On the nights I am at home, Puss is pis*ed off with me and I hit the hay about 9.

On top of the tiredness I read a friends blog yesterday and it made me cry. He sounds so sad in his writings and I really wanted to be there to give him a hug, even if he would probably say ’Don’t touch me’. He’s alone and I’m alone with only 7500 kilometres and an ocean separating us.

These things came on top of Doughnut dying of tick poisoning and my Mum telling me that she wants to do herself in. Ok, so I know she’s ever the dramatist, but this time I think she really is in enough pain to do it. She lives in Spain and at this moment in time I am in no position, financially, to go to her, slap some sense into her and tell her that the life insurance doesn’t pay out if she tops herself.

I don’t quite know what to do with myself at the moment. Throw myself in the path of more debt and take off to foreign climes to comfort those that need to see me now or continue to grind myself into the floor for a trip that may come too late?