Taxi!

It took me two hours to get a taxi on Friday night. I left the club on Oxford Street at twenty past one in the morning. I was tierd after a great night and jusy really wanted to go home. Actually, thinking about I didn't really want to go home I wanted to stay, but I had pre-christmas appointments starting at 10.30 on Saturday. So my need for sleep compelled me to leave. I was escorted by a friend out of Hellfire. He very kindly offered to wait with me.

Picture if you will to two people in fetish wear, surrounded by pissed bogans on the Friday before Christmas. He was dressed in head to toe black latex. I was dressed as a naughty schoolgirl right down to the really short skirt and ribbons on the back of my socks. Couple that with wanting to go 20kilometres from the city centre. It wasn't looking good.

I eventually walked to a hotel and asked them to book me one. May attempts to get a taxi to come to me, standing on the street had ended in spectaular failure. I finally climbed into the back of taxi at 0320, I was cold, cranky and very tired. I crawled into bed and wrapped myself around Puss for warmth at 0355.

I am never not driving again.

The Hen was a Man

As you’ll know by now Sam and Sara are getting hitched next week in India. So in grand tradition of girls getting married we (Edna, Trixy and Rachel) took Sam out for a night on the town. First we dressed him up like a naughty school boy with the addition of a tiara and vale, then we plied him with alcohol then we walked him to Hellfire.

Trixy looked lovely in black leather; Rachel has a fine body for tight denim and what can only be described as Spandex. Corporate tart suited Edna, even if she did forget her skirt and I donned a corset and a red wig. Once inside, champagne was ordered and the groom toasted, many times. He even had his picture taken by the official photographer.

We all got to see the first and second shows of the evening too. The first was Christa Hughes who used to sing lead vocals for Machine Gun Fellatio. She has the most awesome voice, so I’m adding her to my groupie listing for 2007. Later Gypsy Wood (you may remember her from such stage shows and blog entries as Feasting on Flesh) did a little show where she popped all the balloons she was dressed in with large sharp knives. It would also seem that they were filled with blood or red food colouring (I hope it food colouring) ‘cause today I have lots of little red spots on my white shirt.

This morning however, Edna and I tried to forget about the fun had the night before but the brightness of the sun, the party feet and desire to eat a fully cooked fry-up breakfast told us that we’d had a really good night. We had a Doris day, sitting in Hyde Park watching he world go by and eat its packed lunch with a knife and fork, shopping (we even met with Sam for a short time), drinking hot chocolate and eating sushi. We over indulged and Edna brought a polar bear coat. I’m pretty sure I encouraged her, she just needs some rich ‘bloke’ (not her word;-) to take her skiing in New Zealand so she can wear it.

Thank goodness the wedding is dry.

Burning in Hell

It’s that time of the month again, the time where Edna and I get dressed up like tarts and party ‘til dawn, Hellfire! Trixy bailed out on Wednesday 'cause he had a better shag offer and Sam, well Sam really let us down by cancelling just as we arrived by text message (we had been due to meet him there). Edna aka Lara Croft and I (aka Domina) spent the evening avoiding what we thought at the start of the evening quite a cute guy. But he got steadily more and more hammered until he was trying to make us stay with him. Word of advice, don’t try and make a kick boxer stay by grabbing her by the shoulders. It doesn’t end well!

We had been musing earlier over a glass of booze that it was only a matter of time before we saw someone we knew parading around. The sight of Edna’s boxing instructor making out with a girl and dressed as a police woman confirmed a few things in Edna’s mind and confirmed for me that Sydney, really is a big country town.

I have to confess, that it wasn’t the best night I’ve ever had, The weird hammered guys, loosing my flogger only to find it again being used by a stranger on the bare a*se of another stranger (Eww!), friends not turning up and feeling like I really was in the fires of hell dressed in a black PVC corset and skirt.

We left at just before three am, alone but merry and ready for debrief and over analysis of the evening back at the flat. Edna, however, with her amazing powers of seduction (I sware she has some sort of Magic dust) pulled purely by walking up the stairs.

‘Come and have a drink with me so we can get to know each other,’ he (for sake of it, we’ll call him Steps) says to her

After a few moments of exchange, she’s drinking and I’m going home alone. Twenty minutes later she arrives at mine after getting him to walk her home.

We did our debrief and rolled into bed at 4.30am.

(358 words)

Swimming 11 & A Night Out with Trixy

Friday night before going I swam 32 lengths in 25 minutes of ladylike breaststroke.

After swimming I dressed and went over to Trixy's place for a couple of glasses of rather fine wine. While he dressed in leather pants and a blue US Navy vest, I waited in my school skirt, white shirt, red tie and black and white tartan corset. We caught a cab to VICE, and gossiped about the usual girlie stuff. I introduced him to the owner of the club and a few regulars and we had a game of pool.

Trixy is crap at pool. Better than me, but still crap:-) The others we played doubles with , were also pretty bad. One spectacular game ended when the Black was sunk. Which considering it took ten minutes to get the balls together between each game was a little disappointing.

A good night was had by all when we rolled in at 4.20am

One bad thing, at 6ish when I got up briefly, my heel cracked.

(150 words)

The Day After, The Day After the Night Before

Christmas and New Year has come and gone for another twelve months and boy am I glad. I really am a bah-humbug kinda person with the holiday season. I believe it’s for kids and big kids, and I do not fall into either category (at least I don’t think so most of the time).

On Friday last week Edna and I went up to the house for the weekend. We spent time over analysing everything under the sun, including relationships, boy/men, programming and even how quickly wine evaporates once the cork has been removed. After singing ourselves to sleep to Moulin Rouge we woke on Saturday feeling a tad rough but in control. In the evening we went to Miss Eudoxia’s house for dinner. We ate enough food to feed the forty thousand between the six of up present and all of it was divine. Satay sticks, salt and pepper calamari, vol-a-vonts, roast beef with prawn and luscious creamy garlic sauce followed up with pancakes (crepes), strawberries and homemade Mango Ice cream. Thanks Miss E and Fireman Gaz for a lovely evening and introducing us to Master and Miss K.

Sunday, New Year Eve. We drove down to the city, showered, creamed our bodies with perfumed moisturises and prepared ourselves for a night of nights. At 7.15pm we walked into the Lowenbrau Bier Keller, where we were seated for dinner. At approx. 7.30pm our first bier arrived. 500ml (just over a pint) of Franziskaner Dunkel. We ate entrees, massive main and dessert all the while rating famous men on a scale of Pretty boy to Lorry driver. We came to the following conclusions;

1. There are way more Pretty Boys that are famous
2. Some famous people don’t rate being rated on the scale
3. The prettiest of pretty boys are David Beckham, George Clooney and Orlando ‘bloody’ Bloom
4. The bestest of the lorry drivers are Colin Farrell, Robbie and Bruce Willis

After dinner was concluded about 10pm (now two biers and two schnapps) we adjoined to the bar via the Nail Hammering competition. I was promptly disqualified, cause I hit the nail to hard and it bent. Ohh... well:-). We ordered another bier and another schnapps, we chatted with a few guys, including the English Tourist and avoided a couple, at about half eleven when we went outside and ohh and arhhed over the fireworks for twenty minutes or so.

Back inside at 12.45am. We ordered another bier, but I didn’t drink it ‘cause it was the wrong one and yucky, but I did drink the schnapps. Edna was sat next to the English Tourist from earlier, and suddenly I had to go to the loo...I was violently ill, but had the sense to clean the seat before leaving the ladies. I need water and I need it now! The security guard told me I had to leave...I need water! I was escorted up the stairs to the courtyard... I couldn’t see Edna and I could no longer see the stairs. I ping ponged across the courtyard and to the outside world...I need water...somehow I managed to cross the road before leaning on a pillar. I slid down the pillar no longer able to stand...I need water...before falling to my side and depositing the remaining contents of my stomach on the pavement...I need water...I got out my phone and somehow despite not being able to see the screen sent a text to Edna saying ‘outside opposite’. I put my phone back in my bag and tried to stand, I couldn’t, I was a rag doll, I couldn’t hold my head up, my legs would not move, I was leaning heavily on my right arm...I need wat...

‘Here drink this, you need water.’ A male voice said to me, placing a plastic cup of ice cold water in my hand. I drank it, I needed it!
‘Can you stand?’ he asked, I think I said ‘I need to walk home.’
‘I’ll make sure you get there.’ he said. I later found out his name was John and he was 18 and it was 5.30am. He did walk me home, bless his heart and brought me 3 litres of water, which I drank. He left me at my front door and I have no idea what we talked about the walk home except that he was at university, from a wealthy family (that was expecting him home) and that he had yet ‘to experience the love of a woman.’

After 5 hours of sleep I awoke to the phone ringing, it was Edna. She was home, but could not remember getting there. I had sent the text message at 1.45am.

I got out of bed and drank some water...it promptly reappeared. I drank some more and it reappeared again...this continued until about 2.30pm when I had a shower and on the advice of Miss E went to the hospital. I was severely dehydrated and after telling the nurse my story, they tested me for drugs. It was confirmed that someone had slipped me “rohypnal”. I was given an anti-vomit jab and sent home with instructions to drink plenty of water. So I did and watched Grease and Grease 2 until going to bed.

Today, I have slept and been to the police station. I’ve just ordered pizza. I will over analyse this state of affairs when I stop feeling so shite.

(894 words)