My eyes...

... keep leaking and I'm having trouble getting out of bed.

A Scattering of Ashes

Last Saturday a select few, myself included dragged our arses to the top of Kingley Vale to scatter the last of my Mum’s ashes. It’s complicated, so here goes.

On the Friday after the Crematorium service (14th and 18th July respectively) my mums husband wanted a quiet scattering of ashes, as she had requested on the top on Kingley Vale in West Sussex. Only he’s 72 and not really capable of walking to the top, in fact he didn’t even make it to the base from the car park until his legs started playing up. We got to the first copse where I scattered and he watched in silence.

I really wanted to do a more fitting tribute, so I keep a few ashes back (roughly her feet) and arranged a seconding scattering at the summit.

So, on the 16th at 1pm, my sister Helen, her husband Chris, Marky my first love/very good friend and I met I the car park just north of West Stoke and commenced the climb to the top. I know you are thinking this all sounds very mountain climber speak when really it’s just a leisurely stroll up a hill. It is a leisurely stroll, if you go the right way. However, if the only person who’s done it more than a dozen times is in a green plastic tub, the second most familiar person hasn’t done it for nearly twelve years and the other three didn’t even know where Kingley Vale was until two days before, it’s very easy to go the hard way. And we went the hard way. For fifty minutes with clambered up the side of the hill at a 35degree angle, slipped in mud and nearly lost footing. But to the top we got, huffin' and puffin' except Marky who's related to the Enegiser Bunny!

At the top we were rewarded with 360 degree views of Chichester Harbour and the South Downs. After getting our breath back, we found a stick to act as a dibber and we planted sunflower seeds, had a gin and tonic, a laugh and a rolly. Then we scattered the remainder of my mum’s ashes. Helen held the tub with me and we all marvelled at the surreal nature of the whole day that had started with Big Mac’s for lunch (My mum loved Maccas, and no one ever really got it, except me). We even left a G’n’T in the bushes for later.

The path down was much easier.

Just this morning my sister said again that it doesn’t feel like she’s really gone, and I have to agree. Maybe it was because we lived in different continents, maybe it was because we would go without talking on the phone until we actually had something to say to each other (2 – 3 weeks), maybe because we’re both still in denial. Whatever the truth of this, I still think I have the realisation to come and when it does…it’ll hit hard.

Sydney Calling

Last night I was dreaming about emptying the bed pan of my ex (don’t ask) when the phone rang. 3amish I made it, but knowing it was more than likely an agent calling about a job in Sydney I rolled over without opening my eyes and answered.

‘Hello’

‘This is so and so for blah company, tell me, why are you interested in our Communications Manager role at this time?’

‘Err…’

All I was thinking was…I’m not interested in anything but sleep right now, lady.

I explained to her that it was early morning and that I didn’t have access to a computer at this time. She seemed to be surprised that she’d made an international phonecall and told me she’d email me. She hasn’t.

Music

What has my life become?

Tonight I have been chatting online with strangers (plus some mates) while watching 'The Top 50 Boybands' introduced by the Backstreet Boys. Ok so I got to see such gems as Take That, Milli Vanilli and Wham. aHa take on Me was number bythe way...but I also sat through New Kids on the block and several I'd never even heard of before.

All the while my sisters dog (Rosie) the seventeen year old black and tan jack russell laid at my feet and farted.

You call this Summer?

It’s Summer in the UK, or so the propaganda will have you believe.

For the last two weeks I have been wearing my Ugg boots and my UTS hoodie to keep the chill from my bones. I swear it hasn’t got above about 18 degrees during the day. I’ve been drying washing inside on a clothes horse, so it actually dries and doesn’t get rained on.

People have often asked me in Aus why I moved there and I say I have two reasons. Family and the Weather.

Then they ask…’ohh have you got family here?’

‘No’ is my reply.

So not having a satisfactory answer to the family question they ask about the weather. They ask if I miss the green fields and country lanes. I say, that yes I do miss the green fields, but they are only green because it rains so much. It rains all the fricking time!

With the rain come the ‘breeze’. Breeze my butt. The breeze here can knock you of a bike and make you lean into it like an Australian gale.

I watched the weather forecast last night, the map was covered in little 16s 17s and 18s and the colour of the map…orange! Doesn’t orange indicate that it’s warm and toasty? In Aussie those temperatures would be green, bordering on blue :-)

OK…soapbox going away.

By the way, I may be back earlier than first planned…what with it being Summer holidays here…jobs are proving elusive.

Happenings – Part Three

A funeral is never funforall. On the 14th July I was present at the cremation of my Mum. I read a eulogy that I had written and caused problem by using a certain word even though it was my Mum favourite saying. I also wore red. At her request I might add. She loved red!

Anyway, my Grandmother still isn’t speaking to me and I’m not completely sure what to do. Leave it, after all once I return to Aus it’s unlikely I’ll have much to do with her or write her the letter I have roughly composed in my head?

Ohh yeah...and what was with putting purple and lilac flowers on her coffin, my Muv figging hated purple and lilac?

Anyway, thought you might like to see the eulogy…feel free to ask question about bits that you don’t get.

Sally was known to many people by many different names, the old boiler, Big Sal, Daughter, Sister, Auntie and sometimes the cow. But to me she was simply Muv. Although there was nothing simple about her except maybe her talent for Maths and spelling. She cooked up a storm, sewed items of clothing that Vera Wang would be impressed by and tendered a garden Geoff Hamilton would be proud of. When it came to all things domestic, she rocked!

Her love for animals was legendary, she tendered injured pigeons and rabbits, but often dreamed of doing injury to the chickens as they dug up her veggies. But she with be most remembered for her love of cats and dogs, her furry children. First there was Lady, Jodie and Sorrell, later came Ben, Percy, Harry and little Freddie. No amount of love, time or attention was spared especially for walkies.

When it came to helping others she was always there, if it required salmon and sweetcorn quiche, pate, springrolls or death by chocolate all the better. I often asked her if I could have her reciepe for her amazing bread and butter stodge cake, but she also said, ‘Nope, I’m taking that to the grave.’ And she did.

We’ll always remember Muv for the mark she left on us. It may be her cooking skills, her caring nature, her ability to doris, her flirting, her dry and often sarcastic or perverse wit or maybe it was simply that she was too young to die.

I’ll always remember her for her amazing fashion (on a budget), her sage words, often about boys, her harsh truths and her ability to completely let her hair down even when she’d lost it all to Chemo. But most of all I’ll remember her as Muv.

The woman who gave me birth to me
The woman who gave me three dads
The woman who made me laugh and cry
And the woman who died just as she was starting to have some fun.

Muv – May you rest in peace and don’t let the bastards grind you down.

Happenings – Part Two

I’ve got a new Car. It’s a 199something Rover 112. Basically a Rover Metro. It’s British Racing Green, always good colour.

I had to get insurance and because I haven’t lived here (UK) for nine years I had trouble. The only company that would insurance me and my little runabout changed me more than I paid for the car. A whopping 395pounds for one year of insurance.

I’ve call her Doris. Why Doris, well, she sits really comfortably at 50mph and moans like a bitch if you get to 70.

Happenings – Part One

What’s been happening in my life?

Well, quite a lot actually. I’ve been to America, I’ve been to Korea, I’m now in the UK, I’ve been to a funeral, I’ve got a new car, I’ve been having job interviews and I’ve been dealing with the aftermath (emotions wise) of my Mothers death.

I suppose I should start at the beginning. America. I went to America as instructed by my Mum. I knew when I left her on that Tuesday it would be the last time I saw her, but as my Auntie said just after I expressed my desire to cancel again, “if you stay you send two messages, You don’t care about her wishes and you are saying she’s sicker than she wants to be’. Anyway, I boarded Virgin Atlantic flight VF45 with tears in my eyes. They turned to tears as I finished ‘The Household Guide to Dying’ by Debra Adelaide whilst sat amongst forty odd 16-17 years old American girls returning from their fist trip abroad. If they enjoyed themselves, I’ll never know because all they did was say how much they were looking forward to … ketchup in glass bottles, hotdogs, cherry pie and a myriad of other silly things. Granted I do the same about the UK when in Aus, but I don’t fill seven hours of flight doing it.

I’m going to skip over all the gory details and funny stories of America in favour of a listette (minor details) of the things I saw and the places I went with Todd and without. So here goes, ready?

Wed 25th June first evening – New York : Dinner of stuffed prawns with champagne. A trip to the Greenwich Village to see sex shops followed by a drink in a GoGo bar with stripper before moving on with our new friends to Splash. More drinks, late night.

Thu 26th June – New York : hideous hangover muted by a stack of blueberry pancakes in a genuine NY Diner. A walk round MoMA (Museum of Modern Art) then a wander down 5th Avenue (saw Abercrombie and Finch, Tiffany’s, Harry Winston and Trump Tower). Another short walk saw us tip Central Park and the Time Warner centre. Then I experienced a street vendor hotdog with everything before paying a visit to Manolo Blahnik (I brought two pairs). Over to the Rockafella Centre and a lift trip to The Top of The Rock. Nice views to be had from here without the queues of the Empire State building. We went back to the hotel (Sheraton Four Points 160 West 25th St) to dump shopping before jumping on a subway to Battery Park. Here I could see the Statue of Liberty through the mist. A walk via ice cream took us to the site of the World Trade Centre development and I saw a genuine NY Rat, drinking Budweiser in the corner of a graveyard. Dinner called and walk/taxi combo took us to Little Italy. Time Square was just a short cab ride away for final drinks of the evening in the Marriott Marquis.

Fri 27th June – New York, Philadelphia and Washington DC : An early start (hangoverless) saw us scaling the Empire State Building before the crowds. Great views and a touch of vertigo. Afterwards we had a New York bagel (I hear it the water that make them so soft) before a quick wiz around the Museum of Sex, what a disappointment. We picked up Todds car before hitting the road (the New Jersey Turnpike and the I95) South about 11. A stop to experience a Cinnabon (Danish with cinnamon and cream icing) before reaching Philadelphia. We started in the old City with Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell before walking to see Benjamin Franklin’s grave site (he was a publisher before being President) then to Betsy Ross’ house (she designed the first US flag, it had 13 stars in a circle). We then walked some more through Society Hill to South Street. There I had a Cheese Steak (hot dog roll with wafer thin steak and cheese) and a local Beer. With rain looming we got back to the car quick and went down to see the hot rowers at the Boat Houses. Then moved to the Rocky Steps via Love Park. I can’t remember the name of the museum, because all I see is Rocky running up the damn steps. I had my picture taken with the Statue of Rocky before it started chucking it down and we got back on the road to Washington DC. States I travelled through that day: New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware and Maryland.

Sat 28th June - Washington DC (Bethesda) : A day of rest, but we still managed to go shoe shopping at DSW, craft shopping at Michaels. I crashed out in the afternoon but was woken for dinner and drinks near Dupont Circle in the evening at the pub of one of the guys we met the first night in NY. Todd got laid, I slept peacefully.

Sun 29th June - Washington DC : Back on the tourist trail we started by picking up Todd friend Tim and having lunch in Shirlington before going to Arlington National Cemetry. There we saw the graves of Jackie O, JFK and Bobbie as well as seeing the changing of the guard of the Unknown Soldier. Quick trip to the Marine Iwo Jima Memorial on the way to the White House, The Capitol Building and the Supreme Court before the sun went down. Dinner was a Todd’s house with his sister Lisa and her family. Night time saw us popping out to see the Washington Monument and Lincoln (better at night, pretty with lights and less tourists)

Mon 30th June – Pittsburgh (Mars and Cranberry) : We drove to Pittsburgh with a pittstop in Breezewood where I had my first ever TacoBell. It was OK. We went to Todd’s brother house then his Dad’s. We had lunch with Dad and Susan at The Quaker Steak and Lube (hot wings) before going to see Grandma at the family farm. We saw a school bus depot and I pretended to drive one. After seeing Grandma we pooped over to Maconnell Mill State Park and swathe mill and a covered bridge. It was very picturesque. We went back to Todd’s brother before staying the night at his Dad’s.

Tues 1st July – Pittsburgh and Baltimore: Todd’s Dad and wife Susan came to the Warhol Museum with us. This is Todd’s Mecca, he may hate Pittsburgh, but he loves Andy. We drove to the Duquesne Incline and took a ride up the side of the hill to lunch on Mount Washington. We left Pittsburgh with the intention of going straight back to Washington. We were knackered. But along the way we stopped at Phantom Fireworks were Todd brought the gayest firework possible for the 4th July celebrations. While we drove we decided to catch a game of Baseball in Baltimore. The Orioles were playing Kansas City at home and Todd being Todd, we had seat in the front row next to the away team. ‘I want to see the sweat on their arses’ indeed.

Wed 2nd July – Washington DC : I took the train into Dupont Circle on my own and pottered all day. I walked bloody miles without really seeing anything. I was lovely. I had a leisurely lunch of salad then later a dinner at Bangkok Joes. It was very relaxing.

Thur 3rd July – Washington DC : Another day of not much. Prep for the 4th commenced with shopping for food, packing and dinner with friends of Todd. I got the call. I made Chicken Liver Pate at 2 in the morning.

Fri 4th July – Washington DC (Bethesda) : The party. I played hostess with the mostest but really I wasn’t there. Do you think anyone noticed?

Sat 5th July - Washington DC (Bethesda) : Todd went out and left me at home with a clear table, two empty scrapbook album and plenty of paper, sticky stuff, photos, memorabilia and time. I ate leftovers, there was heaps.

Sun 6th July - Washington DC (Bethesda) : Todd family drove down from Pittsburgh for lunch and tea. After they left we went for a drive to Rockville Pike. We went to see F Scott Fitzgerald’s grave before having a beer at Hooters. In the evening we went to Cobalt again and partook of Karaoke. I sang ‘Down Under’ and ‘She’s Always a Woman’ while Todd belted out ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina’ and ‘9 to 5’. We tried a duet of ‘You’re the One That I Want’ but Todd was off chatting someone up, so I did the first part with a complete stranger. A fair bit was imbibed.

Mon 7th July Washington DC (Bethesda and Dulles Airport) : We dorised all day after I’d finished my packing. At 1640 I boarded VS22 and too my upgraded Premium Economy seat and flew back to the UK.

One Month

A month has past since my mother passed away. I now feel I can give you all an update on what's been happening in my life over the last few weeks. I just need to write it.