The Order of Things

I’ve just got back for nearly two weeks in the UK to visit my Mum. It’s really not looking good for her. She has the big C in her clavicle and pelvic bone, her lungs and throat. She was in pretty good spirits, considering.

I’m not sure how I’m feeling about it all. At the moment I feel like this is the way things are supposed to be. Children loose their parents. Parents shouldn’t have to loose their children.

Two years ago, my sister lost her son to a disorder that had been around since birth. He was just 18. She’s still dealing with it, some days are better than others. Now my Grandmother looks set to loose her daughter, my mother. It’s not supposed to happen like that. Parents are NOT suppose to have to see their children die, regardless of whether they a 5, 18 or 55. It’s just not the way things are suppose to go.

Last weekend, my mum and I went for a drive in the New Forest. We saw the ponies, the cows and grey clouds in the sky. We chatted as much as possible due to her voice being weak. I pushed her around in a wheelchair, took her in a witchy poo shop in Burley and sat her on a lay line for twenty minutes. Afterwards she ate more in one sitting than in the previous three months, tomato soup, a warm crusty baguette and half my cream scone. A few years ago I would have stabbed her with a folk for nicking half my scone, but that day I watched with joy and she consumed it in four hungry mouthfuls.

But afterwards, she was drained of all energy and I realised as I boarded the plane back to Aussie that that may be the last time I see her experience a cream scone. It may be the last time I see her face light up as we follow a pony running along the forest roads, the last time I see her, period.

I’ll be going back to the UK in about 6 weeks for an indefinite amount of time, hopefully she’s still kicking and we get to share a few more random moments.